What constitutes bullying

LegacyUser

So i have been in my job 5 years and work in an office of about 20. Mostly everyone gets on. There is a guy who everyone thinks is the bees knees. He is as nice as pie to their face but I have heard give out about almost everyone behind their backs. He is very manipulative. In the past year, we have had various bust ups. All of which consist of him stomping around where I sit until I ask him whats wrong. Then he tells me he has an issue with me for what ever reason. He always does it when no one else is around. This weeks one was I spent time chatting to people who work for the same company as us but not in our office at the Christmas party and was apparently seen given them vouchers for the bar. Which did not happen as I didnt have any extra. The previous time was he said I was being ****ty to him because I didnt fill my bottle at the water cooler beside his desk. He called me a wanker another day because a colleague sent him an email asking him not to do a task anymore that I was to do it. He always apologies a few days after this incidents, the last time he offered me his iphone he was no longer using. Then he is so f*cking nice to me. My family think that I should report him. However I know in my heart that all the managers see him as being mr nice. He is he here longer than me. His position is more senior to mine. I know exactly how this would be handled, we dont have a proper HR person, so either he would find out about it and stomp around me or the managers (his friends) would make my position untenable. I feel sick coming into work and I havent been sleeping right. I am also very conscious that after this incidents, im not in the best of form and I have been short and sharp with others in the office. 1 of whom sits beside me and even after I apologised to her and told her it wasnt to do with her; she still isnt talking to me. I feel like i cant talk to my friends in the office for fear that he will see me and think that i am talking about him.

I feel like a child; I feel embarrassed that I let someone talk to me like that. I feel stupid that for letting this happen.

DeterminedMole

Any job that adversely effects your health be it mental or physical needs to be reconsidered. If it was a once off outburst from your colleague and they apologised fair enough. But from what you described its a defined pattern of behavior. Trying to get that behavior to change would take a lot of work and a willingness from the colleague. Luckily for you its an employees market out there right now so give consideration to upping and moving onto something better!

AtomicHorror

It sounds very much like bullying. Given the lack of HR infrastructure and the conflicts of interest, you may have a case to claim for constructive dismissal. It's worth looking into.

If you get advice and you think that's a runner, then you would be able to resign and still have comeback despite not having engaged with a grievance process.

Diziet

Whatever you do, start keeping a log of incidents. Separate notebook, note down time, place, any witnesses, and what was said. Do it soon after every incident so memory is fresh. Don't keep the notebook in the office.

This evidence is very useful if you raise a complaint in any form, as it shows a pattern of behaviour.

mikep

Hi OP
Is there someone in the company who has responsibility over health and safety as bullying comes under the H+S function as this is where it is covered by legislation. If there someone with this responsibility there should be as it is required by law.
You need to talk to them to explain the situation and you have the email from the other colleague about you taking over the task to demonstrate the issue. before you do this you should google "bullying at work hsa" and read up on the info there..
You probably need to talk tho the person again and explain that their behavior is affecting you, this can be done kid of casually but needs to be done,not easy but necessary!
You mentioned that he gives out about people behind their back so he has probably done that to everyone and they are all aware of it so perhaps they are pretending they think he is "the bees knees" as they have identified this as a way of keeping him on side. Perhaps suss out your colleagues to see what they really think..

Best of luck!!

BrokenArrows

Your first step is that the next time he acts this way you need to put him in his place. Be very clear with him that his attitude is unacceptable.

Make a list of all previous incidents and keep track of future incidents.

If it doesn't stop after you talk to him then you need to report to your manager and explain the situation.

LegacyUser

Thank you all for your responses. Since we have returned from the Christmas holidays, I have maintained my distance from him. In that I will speak to him in front of other and be polite to him but I have avoided situations where we are together 1 to 1. I know from his past moods and actions – that he has clearly noticed this and I feel another bust up coming up.

I feel so self-conscious when he’s around. But this is more of my problem than his.

I have been keeping a note of everything he has said and done. I told myself after the last time that I would report him but I’m not sure I have the balls. 