Drunken assault advice needed.

shinshine

Hi guys I was wondering if I could get some advice here. Briefly a close friend of mine had too much to drink on a work night out, himself and a work colleague were refused entry to a club, work colleague got very angry and friend intervened and from there things spiralled out of control and my friends was arrested, put in the drink tank and was charged with essentially drunk and disorderly and assault. He's been through a rollercoaster of a few years several significant bereavements and his anger has escalated over this time. I'm not excusing what happened and my friend is deeply ashamed and is definitely not making excuses for his behaviour. He's been notified of a court date very soon and he's come to me for advice. I told him to get a solicitor ASAP but apart from that I'm kinda stumped. I was wondering if anyone has found themselves or a friend in the same scenario and how the course of things went, how they coped or helped a friend cope??

kerryjack

He will have to own up to his mistakes put the hand up and take responsibility for his actions. A good idea is to pack up the drink for 6 months and get his head together work hard, organise good reference for the judge if it goes to court. Everyones is intitled to one stupid mistake in there lives.

shinshine

He's already given alcohol up, I've recommended that he go to a bereavement counsellor as I think it's the deaths he experienced that the main factor in his anger and excessive drinking. But it's the legal implications that I can't seem to give him any advice on. Thanks for mentioning that he get a good character reference I hadn't thought of that.

kerryjack

I don't know the full facts how bad was it, i stood in the door of night clubs for a while and i bave seen it all, some of the nicest lads walking in and turn in to complete tugs coming out, and the ladies can be as bad. There was plenty skirmishes and most of them were forgotten about the following day, drink don't suit everyone.

shinshine

That's the sad thing his recall of what exactly happened isn't the best because of the alcohol, no one was hurt that he can remember but his charge sheet mentions assault. There's a chance he may not be telling me everything but he was pretty frank with me. He's been under very gradual but intense pressure from all round over the past few years. I'd hate to see this destroy him but the reality is what it is and no matter how sympathetic I feel it doesn't take away from the seriousness of what happened. I just feel ill equipped to help because no one I know has been involved in anything like this before.

Esel

Solicitor time for your friend.

ChrissieH

Yeah, a solicitor will be able to give you the best advice but in my experience (I have a fiery friend who was in court for being drunk and disorderly because a Garda got the hump with him after he kept protesting that it was the other guy who started it!!) and he got a fine of €200 or something, he just had to apologise to the court & the Garda in question but there wasn't any sort of criminal record or anything serious .. it might be different if your friend was up in court repeatedly for the same sort of thing but having experienced an occasion where another friend was an injured party as a result of an assault, I am sorry to say that the court system seems to actually be extremely soft on defendants, so your friend might get away with the fine, like mine.

shinshine

I think I'd be shocked if I read it in the paper but I've been seeing his mood deteriorate and his anger increase over the past while. He's genuinely ashamed and distressed about what's happened, his hand was shaking when he told me and it's lead to a serious look at himself and difficult home truths. I just hope that whatever solicitor he gets is able to communicate his remorse and his urge to change himself.

TheBoyConor

If he cleans up his act with drinking and shows the court he is accepting of his role in the skirmish and is remorseful over it then he will be grand. Maybe a few hundred euro into the poor box and the probation act.

If he has notions that he'll do time in jail he needs a dose of cop on and not be freaking out. There are scumbags walking the streets with 100+ convictions for this that and the other who have never been in jail.

Meauldsegosha

shinshine wrote: »

He's been through a rollercoaster of a few years several significant bereavements and his anger has escalated over this time.

He needs to speak to someone about the bereavements. Getting angry is not the way to deal with his loss. Bereavement is something we all have to deal with some stage, getting help and talking to a professional is nothing to be ashamed.

wiggle16

Your friend needs to get a handle on his anger issues. Regardless of how it came about, he assaulted someone. It's not that person's fault he has anger issues.

You can support him in getting bereavement counselling and anger management help. The assault and legal issues are separate: he has to lie in the bed he's made and you can't help him do that. It shouldn't have had to come to this for him to get help.

Be mindful of how involved you get, OP. By all means you can help him but he is responsible for himself too.

shinshine

Thanks everyone. I suppose he's preparing for the worst case scenario by worrying about a sentence, his guilt about what's happened is making him feel that he deserves the book thrown at him over it. He's disgusted at his behaviour and does feel that he deserves some sort of punishment but self preservation is powerful and he's worrying about his job, his relationship and his family (to them he's the reliable and responsible one). Good news is that his solicitor has given him some preliminary good advice which has eased his mind.
Thanks again to everyone your advice blunt or gentle has given me some perspective on this and at least helped me to give the right kind of advice as a friend without redirecting responsibility.

TheBoyConor

Talk of a prison sentence for throwing a few drunken handbag slaps outside a nightclub at 2am for a first offence is nonsense. €100 court poorbox donation and if he is particularly unlucky, a mention in the local agricultrual newspaper, the Mayo Tribune or what have you.

Xterminator

A good solicitor will see that yoru friend is left without a conviction, assuming he does not have a prior record.

there's not a lot you can do legally, except be available as a character witness.

Mentally there are things that need to change and perhaps that's where you can be of most help. Hopefully this incident will act as a wake up call and make your friend realise that he current path is not the one he wants to stay on.

But you cannot make these changes yourself, he has to want to. He can start with his GP, who can advise on a medical approach, and if going cold turkey or prescribing drugs to help cut alcohol intake is needed. GP can also be a good 1st port of call for mental health to be assessed.