Men with a fetish for taken women.

A guy I work with has made it quite clear over beers on different nights that he's only interested in married or long-term committed women.

Pretty much all of us are in that position so I feel it's a bit tone deaf. Like he wants to be with all of our wives and girlfriends.


Is that common? I think it's fairly scummy to be honest.

lawred2

He's a creep

nice_guy80

You shalt not* covet your neighbour's wife

*****unless she's really hot

suicide_circus

don't hate the player

riffmongous

riffmongous

riffmongous wrote: »

Ah yes, the travellers who converted to Islam taking our women.

Omackeral

Found him

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQ9W7yh_4DA

Omackeral

Deleted User wrote: »

Ah yes, the travellers who converted to Islam taking our women.

While simultaneously drawing the dole and stealing our jobs

Kimbot

Oryx won't be too happy with your mate.....

SEPT 23 1989

Is it not usually the other way around?

Single hens chasing married c0ck?

Day Lewin

There are plenty of guys who find that this scenario avoids a lot of the messiness. No hearts broken, no strings attached.

Plenty of women would agree, too.

I appreciate the outrage on the part of men - and women, in the vice-versa mode - whose partners are willing to try someone new...but individuals have agency. It is worth examinining one's own motives when this kind of thing turns up.

Do I own my partner? Does he/she own me? What is the nature of our commitment to each other, and is it always unconditional? If not, what are the conditions under which either of us may break our agreement, (whatever it is)??

And etc etc etc etc etc

suicide_circus

Day Lewin wrote: »

There are plenty of guys who find that this scenario avoids a lot of the messiness. No hearts broken, no strings attached.

Plenty of women would agree, too.

I appreciate the outrage on the part of men - and women, in the vice-versa mode - whose partners are willing to try someone new...but individuals have agency. It is worth examinining one's own motives when this kind of thing turns up.

Do I own my partner? Does he/she own me? What is the nature of our commitment to each other, and is it always unconditional? If not, what are the conditions under which either of us may break our agreement, (whatever it is)??

And etc etc etc etc etc

My motive is that I don't want to unwittingly raise someone else's bastard

fergus1001

Day Lewin wrote:

Do I own my partner? Does he/she own me? What is the nature of our commitment to each other, and is it always unconditional? If not, what are the conditions under which either of us may break our agreement, (whatever it is)??

well then don't commit or marry said partner

TheValeyard

Liam Neesons new Taken film has taken a dramatic change of direction.

Fr_Dougal

It takes two to tango.

Alf Veedersane

Murray TheDemonic TalkingSkull wrote: »

Liam Neesons new Taken film has taken a dramatic change of direction.

"I will find you...and I will fûck you".

Fr_Dougal

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

It takes two to tango.

While true, would you willingly put your girlfriend or wife in a position where your work colleague tries it on with her?

Larbre34

Don't worry, I hear he's not bothered with your piece.

RocketRaccoon

I've a "friend" like that, he said it to me loads of times. He's in Galway now so my wife is save from his advances.

B.A._Baracus

Hey ads by google,

1, he's a wan*er.
2, he's a wan*er who has been watching too much "man fu*ks wife" porn and got off to it too much.
3, If in the eventual future he gets married would he get off knowing his wife is screwing other men? Most likely not.


So in conclusion... he's a wan*er. In both sense of the word.

Its insecurity, if they reject him he says it is because they are married or in a relationships not because they are not interested in him probable not fully aware of that himself.

razorblunt

That's a bit weird alright to be so outright driven by it.

At the same time I've turned women down on nights out by saying I'm married and showing the ring. Often that doesn't deter them at all.

King of Kings

mariaalice wrote: »

Its insecurity, if they reject him he says it is because they are married or in a relationships not because they are not interested in him probable not fully aware of that himself.

I'd wonder how much action this guy actually gets. i'd say it minimal and he uses the excuse he only like attached women.

Also a married woman that has an ONS is usually unhappy at home...if he actually gets the ride he'll eventually find a nutter who sees him as an escape route from her current situation. He's fcuked then...and most likely a husband only happy to pass her on.

Irishcrx

ArtSmart

Irishcrx wrote: »

Any excuse...

qwerty ui op

Deleted User wrote: »

A guy I work with has made it quite clear over beers on different nights that he's only interested in married or long-term committed women.

Pretty much all of us are in that position so I feel it's a bit tone deaf. Like he wants to be with all of our wives and girlfriends.


Is that common? I think it's fairly scummy to be honest.

Reducing his options, while jumping straight onto the weirdo train.

Has he had much luck?

Bigbagofcans

Is that what cuckolding is?

It's weird and if I knew men that were into that then my first thoughts would be that he's insecure or looking for a bored married woman he can get with easily.

bnt

Meanwhile, it's been well-established that women prefer men who are already in relationships:

[The study's authors] speculate that single women may be more drawn to attached men because they’ve already been “pre-screened” by other women and found to be satisfactory as a mate, whereas single men are more of an unknown quantity.

Isn't evolution weird?

Bigbagofcans

Bigbagofcans wrote: »

Is that what cuckolding is?

It's weird and if I knew men that were into that then my first thoughts would be that he's insecure or looking for a bored married woman he can get with easily.

Cuckolding is generally done with the consent and knowledge of the people involved. I think what the OP is describing is infidelity and cheating and is somewhat predatory.

In the modern sense of the word (I think the definition has changed over time) cuckolding is the practice of getting arousal from observing your own partner - or knowledge of your partner - with other people. It is in fact something I have been tempted to explore myself on occasion bordering on "not if but when".

The guy in the OP is getting aroused from the opposite end of that - being with someone else's partner without (I assume) their knowledge.

It could be an insecurity thing - as others have pointed out it gives a person an excuse for not pulling as he can blame it on their relationship rather than their disinterest in him.

It could also be a vicarious arousal thing. We men tend to get aroused by the fact of a woman getting aroused. So signs they are being mightily turned on are arousing to us. That a woman might be so turned on and into sex that they would break their relationship or marital vows to give in to it - might be a vicarious turn on for this guy too as it signals to him in his mind how "into it" she must be.

Fr_Dougal

Deleted User wrote: »

While true, would you willingly put your girlfriend or wife in a position where your work colleague tries it on with her?

You can’t watch your partner and you can’t control who they interact with. If I witnessed a colleague busting a move on a partner I’d probably have very stern words and if that didn’t work I’d deck him.
But outside of that, there’s very little you can do to stop people like that. You really need to be able to trust your partner, they’ll have plenty of opportunities to be unfaithful and generally it won’t come out of the blue. I had a married ex seek me out before.

Richard Hillman

It is natural to attempt to become an alpha male. What these people are attempting to do is to convince the female that he is more masculine than her partner. Thus spreading his seed and nullifying the power of the previous mate.

qwerty ui op

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

You can’t watch your partner and you can’t control who they interact with. If I witnessed a colleague busting a move on a partner I’d probably have very stern words and if that didn’t work I’d deck him.
But outside of that, there’s very little you can do to stop people like that. You really need to be able to trust your partner, they’ll have plenty of opportunities to be unfaithful and generally it won’t come out of the blue. I had a married ex seek me out before.

What if he was higher up the chain on the decking order than you

now he's laughing at your punches and your partner along with everyone else knows you don't think that much of her

MarkR

It's like wiping your mickey on someone's curtains. A power play.

Don't do dat.

Fr_Dougal

qwerty ui op wrote: »

What if he was higher up the chain on the decking order than you

now he's laughing at your punches and your partner along with everyone else knows you don't think that much of her

If you’re don’t feel confident in your own abilities, might I suggest that you address that.

OSI

OSI wrote: »

What you describe is more akin to hot wifing. Cuckolding is generally done with the intent of humiliating the husband, ie implying the wife needs another man to attain pleasure.

Yeah that is why I said the definition appears to have changed over time. It seems to include what you describe often - but is not a necessary part of the definition.

In fact the part I included - the knowledge and arousal of the cuckolded man - is not even a requirement for some definitions. Take this one:

"A cuckold is the husband of an adulterous wife. In evolutionary biology, the term is also applied to males who are unwittingly investing parental effort in offspring that are not genetically their own."

Nothing to do with knowledge, arousal, or even humiliation there. The guy can in fact be 100% oblivious to the whole thing.

OSI wrote: »

Why you'd get your rocks off knowing your wife was sleeping with another bloke with the intent of making you feel inadequate and **** in bed I haven't a clue, but each to their own.

Well I guess I can speak to that a bit since I am thinking of doing it with my girlfriends. Let me start with a little analogy.

The Peacocks feathers are a hindrance. They are huge and slow them down and therefore make them more prone to predators. However that fact means they are using their big tails to show the female they are in fact healthy and dominant and genetically fit and so on. Basically the male tail is indicating "Look I am so great I am able to take the fitness hit of this ridiculous appendage and still be better than all my peers".

For some people - and I say some because other people have other motivations - cuckolding is a bit like that. You get arousal from the humiliation and the playing inadequate - because you can. It is very much _because_ you are not inadequate and not inferior and actually feel very secure in yourself and your relationship that you can go into that situation. It is precisely having the power that makes one feel enjoyment from temporarily giving it away. Almost like the peacock tail saying "I am so superior to you I can in fact make myself inferior to you just for kicks".

That is probably the healthy end of cuckolding though. For some other people they likely do feel in adequate and they fall into cuckolding as an expression of that or are cajoled into it rather unwillingly because of it. Especially the humiliation part of it. Maybe letting their partner screw around thinking it is the only way they can keep that partner - that he or she might leave them if they do not do it - so they have to consent.

So in short I would not judge cuckolding positively or negatively as a whole. Rather it depends on the reasons and motivations of those going into it. I know mine if we do it - and I have no fear they are unhealthy or suspect.

qwerty ui op

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

If you’re don’t feel confident in your own abilities, might I suggest that you address that.

Wha?

You said it, not me.

You shoulda said "i'll deck him if can" or "i'll deck him if I'm strong enough"

You can't simply go around saying "I'll deck him"

Outlaw Pete

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

Is it not usually the other way around?

Single hens chasing married c0ck?

Aye, the theory is that attached men are vetted and so therefore less likely to put you in their basement.

Either way, amazing how many songs are about cheating with married folk. Mainly country & western stuff but more mainstream stuff too, like Whitney's 'Saving All My Love' one example:

You've got your family, and they need you there. Though I've tried to resist, being last on your list but no other man's gonna do.

Fr_Dougal

qwerty ui op wrote: »

Wha?

You said it, not me.

You shoulda said "i'll deck him if can" or "i'll deck him if I'm strong enough"

You can't simply go around saying "I'll deck him"

No, you’re the one who’s afraid that the guy stealing your partner might batter you and laugh at you. Maybe hit the gym or something, you’ll feel a lot more confident. If money is tight, there are usually good offers to be had in the New Year, perhaps you can avail of one of those.

Best of luck with it anyhow.

qwerty ui op

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

No, you’re the one who’s afraid that the guy stealing your partner might batter you and laugh at you. Maybe hit the gym or something, you’ll feel a lot more confident. If money is tight, there are usually good offers to be had in the New Year, perhaps you can avail of one of those.

Best of luck with it anyhow.

Ok, I see the problem it's just a small technical glitch

Follow me and i'll talk you through it.

A. The words you see up on the screen are an actual part of the conversation.

B. As you take part in a conversation words may come into your mind but the key thing to remember here, is that these words aren't part of the conversation and should be disregarded.

If you follow this 2 step approach you should fine.
Remember ON THE SCREEN= YES
INSIDE MY HEAD =NO

Pintman Paddy Losty

I have to say I suffer from this a bit.


There's a few lads that work for me that are absolute crackers. Rougher women, howiyes. But when they turn up to the Christmas party all tarted up they get my blood pumping. Haven't done anything like that in a long time. Too messy. Only do the dirt when I'm out foreign with no chance of being caught.

DEFTLEFTHAND

Bigbagofcans wrote: »

Is that what cuckolding is?

It's weird and if I knew men that were into that then my first thoughts would be that he's insecure or looking for a bored married woman he can get with easily.

A cuckold is a male who allows his wife/partner to have affairs with other men.

To them it's a better option than being dumped, even though in reality they lose every bit of self dignity and respect.

UCD GroupThink

Deleted User wrote: »

A guy I work with has made it quite clear over beers on different nights that he's only interested in married or long-term committed women.

Pretty much all of us are in that position so I feel it's a bit tone deaf. Like he wants to be with all of our wives and girlfriends.


Is that common? I think it's fairly scummy to be honest.

Sounds like James Bond.

mvl

disappointed that you only mention men - when I know quite few ladies that are into this fetish

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

It takes two to tango.

couldn't have said it better myself !

jmayo

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

You can’t watch your partner and you can’t control who they interact with. If I witnessed a colleague busting a move on a partner I’d probably have very stern words and if that didn’t work I’d deck him.
But outside of that, there’s very little you can do to stop people like that. You really need to be able to trust your partner, they’ll have plenty of opportunities to be unfaithful and generally it won’t come out of the blue. I had a married ex seek me out before.

But jaysus Fr you couldn't expect to get away with decking your bishop.
Remember how Ted got found out for the kick in the ar** of Bishop Brennan.

This guy could be operating on the principle of bored housewives or mums who want a quick shag with someone new.
And no strings attached.

Either way I wouldn't expect he gets many invites to colleagues events or houses if he boasts about it. :rolleyes:

Fairly common I think, even Benjamin Franklin advised a younger friend to seek out married women as they were less likely to talk about the affair and had more to lose. I have a friend who is constantly being propositioned by married women, so it goes both ways.

con___manx1

I honestly think its completely wrong to peruse an attached woman but if the attached woman is doing the pursuing its fair game in my opinion.

qwerty ui op

The famous Roger Stone is an actual cuckold

yet you'd never think it, to look at him