Condescending Coworker

LegacyUser

Want some thoughts on how to deal with this, because its effecting me emotionally.

I have a coworker that I thought I got on really well with until recent months, we have known and worked with each other for 3 years, we are both in our late 20s.

She seems to be subtly targeting my appearance.
I used to have acne but I get the occasional spot. now I have mild scarring on my cheeks and chin that you can see when I don't wear foundation, one day she came in with two spots on her chin and started complaining to me about it and saying "it better not scar because it looks ugly." all the while we both know how my skin looks.

She talks down to me.
I work in a different area to her but we overlap. She talks to me as if i'm new and don't know how to do my job, when I'm senior in my position and she is senior in hers but we are in different areas altogether, she got kicked out of my area last year because she was challenging my manager on decisions she was making. i'm normally the go-to person when one of my other coworkers needs assistance.

If we're with another person, she is completely blanking me, wont make eye contact or acknowledge me, she makes me feel like Ive waltzed up and interrupted a private conversation when I could have been there first. Sometimes if i'm waiting to enter a room because a room is crowded, she will stand in front of me.

If i'm leaving and she is with someone else we work with and i say bye, she rarely says bye back, she acts if I'm not there.

Last week she dropped a few pieces of paper, she grunted out of annoyance and said "typical" I helped her pick them up and said "maybe you just had a long day" she replied with attitude towards me "no I'm fine, I'm perfect actually" with a big smile on her face. made me regret helping her

Its got to the point I'm now thinking I should fire back at her at any opportunity I'm not sure thats a good idea, I'm always polite and helpful to my coworkers if they need it, even ones I'm not a fan of because I don't like not getting on with people. I'm beginning to feel angry that she is making me feel worthless and useless. I never thought she would treat me this way, we used to get on great, she used to never treat me this way until she got into a higher role.

Dial Hard

She smiled at you and said "I'm fine" and said she didn't want her spots to scar, and you're extrapolating condescension to the point of it affecting you emotionally from it?

Sorry, but I'm not seeing anything here. Everything you've described sounds like perfectly normal colleague interaction to me.

Faith

Yeah, maybe it's how you've described the specific incidents, but I don't see any sign of condescension in your examples. With regard your skin, I think that's your own insecurities that you're projecting. You give several examples of how she acts when other people are present - is it possible that you're interrupting? Saying "bye" while she's deep in conversation or such?

I'm sure something has changed in the way you interact with each other that has affected the dynamics, but it's hard to get a clear sense of it from your post, I'm afraid.

witchgirl26

OP I think the others are right in that the examples you've given aren't necessarily condescending. Does she sound like a pain to deal with, well yeah she does but honestly I just would stop giving her the thought and continue on as if nothing was wrong. People who are like that don't deserve your energy thinking about them as they aren't thinking about you.

Unanimous

I think you are trying so hard to Please her but it seems like she just wants a normal relationship.
I done see her as condescending.
She may just have a dominating personality and that is making you feel small.
You in the other hand like people who are sweet and nice etc just like yourself.
Learn to limit interacting with her about personal stuff. When you have work related interactions, learn to come out. Outline the objectives, let her know where you need her expertise etc.
Thank her and go your own way

cstaff

I get what you are saying OP in the sense that everything she does is so minor that if it was just a once off you would think nothing of it but when it is a constant everyday thing it just makes you feel small and undermined regularly.

I am in a very similar situation. I am not sure how to deal with it yet but am interested in what people have to say as in my case she is lovely to everyone else and just either ignores me when I say hello or goodbye when coming in or going home or if I offer my help to her she will then say "its ok we've got it" when that is obviously not the situation.

Unanimous

cstaff wrote: »

I get what you are saying OP in the sense that everything she does is so minor that if it was just a once off you would think nothing of it but when it is a constant everyday thing it just makes you feel small and undermined regularly.

I am in a very similar situation. I am not sure how to deal with it yet but am interested in what people have to say as in my case she is lovely to everyone else and just either ignores me when I say hello or goodbye when coming in or going home or if I offer my help to her she will then say "its ok we've got it" when that is obviously not the situation.

Put on a pleasant countenance when you see her coming but say nothing. No hello or hi.
The trick with people like this is to not hold any grudge or take it personal.
Never complain about it to anyone, If you do, it can backfire because they are nice to everyone and it will be difficult to make your case because just like OP.
They could poison people's minds as well so the last thing is to be careful with your relationship with other employees. Be sweet helpful and respectful. Do your job well. Never let your guard down.
I have mine in the office and age ignores me.
I don't try to reach out to her except its work related and through emails. I am very explanatory and polite.