Making new friends when you're young

Philipki

Hi all ,

Have a bit of a dilemma here which I'd like to get advice on. I'm a 20 year old young fella who's basically struggling to make any sort of friends. I finished school 2 years ago and even then I didn't really have proper friends as my class mates rarely asked me to out of school events and they stopped completely recently enough so that was the end of that. I was going through a rough time when I was in school and I probably shared too many of my problems with the lads and I reckon it scared them off. Hobbies wise I love cars and am interested in horses as well so I'd view that as a possible way to make friends in the future but I'm only realising now I've an interest in working with horses so am now working in a job related to that. On the car side of things I can only afford a normal car and not something vintage or high performance where I could bring it to shows and make friends that way so that's out of the question for another year or 2. Any advice for me guys?
Just to note I'm very sociable and talk to everyone I meet but being a non - drinker probably doesn't help as that's how most people socialise in this country.

368100

<SNIP>

I feel your pain on the non-drinking.....I used to drink every weekend but now I might only drink every 2 months or so and my friends regard me as minus craic because im not going out to get pissed all the time.
You say you're now in job working with horses? Have you colleagues that you can socialise with? Some of my best friends are ex-colleagues.
You're only starting out in work so I wouldnt worry too much about it, but the more people you can work with the better, more likely to strike up a friendship.
As for the cars bit....I know it would feel a bit weird going to those meetings in a "normal" car but you should give it a go...you mighnt be the only one not able to afford a high performance car but still have an interest in them.
Have you any other hobbies? Sports?

Bubblegummers

I would of been quite social with plenty of friends, personal issues led to go very recluse and literally cut myself off from all those who would of been friends. (biggest mistake I’ve ever made) whatever about being recluse it was a choice, Now I don’t have any friend and it’s my own doing. Don’t allow this happen.

Philipki

Bubblegummers wrote: »

I would of been quite social with plenty of friends, personal issues led to go very recluse and literally cut myself off from all those who would of been friends. (biggest mistake I’ve ever made) whatever about being recluse it was a choice, Now I don’t have any friend and it’s my own doing. Don’t allow this happen.

Absolutely , I agree with your final statement 100%. I'm very sociable and I probably talk too much when I meet people but the opportunity of making friends just hasn't presented itself in recent years.

Philipki

368100 wrote: »

I feel your pain on the non-drinking.....I used to drink every weekend but now I might only drink every 2 months or so and my friends regard me as minus craic because im not going out to get pissed all the time.
You say you're now in job working with horses? Have you colleagues that you can socialise with? Some of my best friends are ex-colleagues.
You're only starting out in work so I wouldnt worry too much about it, but the more people you can work with the better, more likely to strike up a friendship.
As for the cars bit....I know it would feel a bit weird going to those meetings in a "normal" car but you should give it a go...you mighnt be the only one not able to afford a high performance car but still have an interest in them.
Have you any other hobbies? Sports?

Thanks for your reply. Nah I'm not really the sporty type tbh which has screwed me over in terms of finding new friends. I did cycling for a year or 2 alright and made some acquaintances from it but that was it. There were one or two decent friends as well but those friendships dried up after a few years due to reasons that are beyond my knowledge to be honest.

Bubblegummers

Philipki wrote: »

Absolutely , I agree with your final statement 100%. I'm very sociable and I probably talk too much when I meet people but the opportunity of making friends just hasn't presented itself in recent years.

What are your interests outside cars and horses

Philipki

Bubblegummers wrote: »

What are your interests outside cars and horses

None to be honest with you , I'm not really into GAA or anything.

Bubblegummers

Philipki wrote: »

None to be honest with you , I'm not really into GAA or anything.

Well then maybe your not as social as you think you are, why not join something that takes you out of your comfort zone. This is what I’ve done to try help my self.

Philipki

Bubblegummers wrote: »

Well then maybe your not as social as you think you are, why not join something that takes you out of your comfort zone. This is what I’ve done to try help my self.

Fair point but I can't think of any sports club or anything that I'd be interested in joining.

Bubblegummers

Philipki wrote: »

Fair point but I can't think of any sports club or anything that I'd be interested in joining.

Maybe there lies the problem dude.

368100

Bubblegummers wrote: »

Maybe there lies the problem dude.

Ah you can't force an interest if there's none there, won't last

Ursus Horribilis

368100 wrote: »

Ah you can't force an interest if there's none there, won't last

True, but he needs to put himself into a situation where he's meeting people on a regular basis. Be it hillwalking, volunteering, the local drama society or whatever.

Bubblegummers

368100 wrote: »

Ah you can't force an interest if there's none there, won't last

Everyone has an interest you just need to tap into it. It took me 2 years in the darkest of places to find it.