Depression

Missykissy

My partner has just walked out on me as he says he cannot live with me anymore. I had a baby a few months ago and unfortunately have been diagnosed with post natal depression. I have another child that is not his and I feel like he just doesn’t care anymore. I have been a nightmare to live with don’t get me wrong but I thought love was love and he would fight this battle with me. I’m on antidepressants and have started seeing a councilor. He makes me feel so unworthy and he has from the start but now this really is the icing on the cake. He doesn’t care that I’m so low or how upset I am or understand the pain in my chest that won’t go away. He just doesn’t get it and when I try to explain he laughs and thinks I’m talking ****. I’ve tried over and over and I’ve begged and begged. I don’t know what to do anymore. How can it be so easy to just walk away from us. He told me he would give it a go with us living apart and then coming up for a while every other day but I can’t accept it? Should I? While he sits back in his moms goes to the gym goes to work does what he wants while I try parent by myself when I’m this down? Then comes when he feels like it. When I shout to try get my point across because he’s unable to listen the first thing out of his mouth is oh I told you you can’t change your a horrible person it’s buikt into you. I’m shouting to get my point across because he’s not listening. I don’t know what to do anymore I’m heartbroken and Sad and completely lost.

noraos

So sorry to hear this . My advice..let him walk . Have you a support network, parents, siblings, a close friend? Rally the troops, get supports and say goodbye to that man...set times together so he can see his child and take that time to rest, go for a walk, get out for some time for yourself. Even if for an hour.. it's a long road ahead..

He clearly isn't mature enough to handle any of this.. so let him go.. for you and your children sake. Best of luck!

forgodssake

Let him go. I've been through something very similar to you recently . And over the last 24 hours I've seen a different side to the person I thought I knew for the last 18 years . If someone isnt willing to stay through the bad time they dont deserve the good times . Focus on your family . You will feel lost and frightened for a while but every day you will get stronger. Just keep saying to yourself would you do this to him ? .No you wouldn't so don't accept him doing it to you . Look after yourself . Things will get better for you .

Ursus Horribilis

I'm sorry to read what you've been put through. A couple of things caught my eye here

What do you mean by "He makes me feel so unworthy and he has from the start". Are you saying that this current behaviour of his pre-dates your post natal depression? If this is the case, then it is so sad that you're grieving for a bad relationship and a partner who didn't treat you very well. Certainly, what he is saying to you now is very very cruel. Even if your depression has caused a split in your relationship, there is no excuse for what he's saying to you. Do you really want to build your life around a man who won't listen to you and tells you that you're a horrible person?

You also said here that although you've been a nightmare to live with, you thought "love was love" and that he'd fight the battle with you. That's quite a statement to make, even without the underlying isues which appear to have been in your relationship. It's nice to think that no matter how awful you might be, that your partner would still love you unconditionally and stay by your side. That's not always the case but I get the impression that your relationship wasn't on the steadiest of grounds anyway.

You sound utterly broken and distressed and that is understandable. Please understand though that shouting and pleading isn't going to change his mind. From what you've described of this relationship, you're better off out of it. Was your child planned, by the way? Has he ever shown any interest in his child?

You mentioned that you have another child that isn't his. Was he a good dad to this child or did he/she have to listen to your partner being disrespectful to you?

I hope you continue going to your counsellor and take your medication. You will get over this and you can parent on your own. Going by what you've told us about your "partner", he doesn't sound like he added a lot of positivity to your life anyway.

professore

Missykissy wrote: »

My partner has just walked out on me as he says he cannot live with me anymore. I had a baby a few months ago and unfortunately have been diagnosed with post natal depression. I have another child that is not his and I feel like he just doesn’t care anymore. I have been a nightmare to live with don’t get me wrong but I thought love was love and he would fight this battle with me. I’m on antidepressants and have started seeing a councilor.He makes me feel so unworthy and he has from the start but now this really is the icing on the cake.

Look at the bolded bit. Do you have a track record of being attracted to men who treat you badly? From where I'm sitting it looks like you do. You need to address this first. Even though you have a diagnosis of post natal depression, much of your depression could be related to your crappy partner. What about the father of your other child - what was he like?

Hopefully counselling will help you with these issues OP. Good luck.

BBFAN

It depends OP, how long are you together? Has he ever seen you suffer depression before?

If not, he maybe just doesn't understand it?