Sick of been used!

Lauren7

As the title says i'm sick of obviously been used by people.
Just feel like some walk all over me!
Maybe it's just the way i am....i don't have any friends & have suffered with anxiety/depression my whole life. At the moment i'm the best i've ever been though & go to college.
Literally this one girl who i've always been friendly with keeps dropping hints and always wanting lifts yetif i ask her for notes she always has an excuse. Today we had to go out in the afternoon on a trip as part of the course. We were talking & i said i'm going today(she was due to go tomorrow) Then she changed her mind & asked tutor can she go today. Tutor said yes so she then turned to me & said i can go with you then.
Later we were in class, she was chatting away to the other girl's then suddenly got up & came over to me & asked to use my phone to make a call for 2 minutes.
Of course i said ok but felt awful afterwards thinking why didn't she ask one the girls she was talking to instead.
Anyway we went seperate ways at lunchtime. I seen her walk off with a few girls. As i was having lunch i thought one of them girls drives, i bet she will probably get a lift with them now. So i messaged her & asked if she still wanted the lift. She never repiled.
After lunch i waited 20min in carpark she didn't show up. So i ended up been late. When i arrived she was there so went with the other girls.

She had a full hour's lunch break to message me & tell me!

I'm hoping she'll just latch on to the others & leave me alone now cause it's looking that way but just in case i'd like your advice please....i want to prevent anything like this happening again

gossamer

Don't be a doormat. Job done.

Rubberchikken

when she wasnt there fir the lift - you should have just driven off.

i realise its hard to say no at times but tjis girl is no friend. you owe her nothing.
the first time you say no to her will probably feel hard and may riddle you with guilt - but you will survive.
after that she might ask again for another favour and again you have to say no.
when you've done that she'll get the message and stop using you and you will be rebuilding your self esteem.


you dont need this person in your life, youre worth much more than that.
take care

Sunflower 27

Rubberchikken wrote: »

when she wasnt there fir the lift - you should have just driven off.

i realise its hard to say no at times but tjis girl is no friend. you owe her nothing.
the first time you say no to her will probably feel hard and may riddle you with guilt - but you will survive.
after that she might ask again for another favour and again you have to say no.
when you've done that she'll get the message and stop using you and you will be rebuilding your self esteem.


you dont need this person in your life, youre worth much more than that.
take care

Great post.

Don't bow to her again, ever. Stand up for yourself. You only have to do it a few times and she'll get the message.

Next time she asks for a lift, laugh and say "why would I do that when you don't return the favour with notes." Shrug your shoulders, smile and walk off. You need to stop being a doormat.

santana75

I think one of the hardest lessons to learn in life is that some people will use and take advantage of you. If you allow it. I mean you want to think good of people but the truth is a lot of people are consumed with getting what they want and if that means using you, so be it. Its amazing how easy it is to rationalise this kind of thing in your own head. Its not intentional though, for most people anyway. They're just not awake and conscious of their own actions and the reasons why they do the things they do. So you cant take it personally. Thats not to say you should put up with it. And this is the hard part, wanting to be trusting of people but at the same time, being aware of how some will use you for their own ends.
Its a balancing act and some times you need to be tough. Theres a line in one of the Gospels that goes something like, "Im sending you out amongst wolves, were you should be as wise as serpents but as gentle as Doves".....even if you're not into biblical matters, theres still some great wisdom in that expression when applied to life and your dealings with people.

Lauren7

Thank you for all the replies....i was going over & over it in my head wondering if i'm overreacting or not. Have have since blocked her on messenger

Purple Mountain

Pick up a book called Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway by the late Susan Jeffers.
It did wonders for my guilt complex.

kerry37

Rubberchikken wrote: »

when she wasnt there fir the lift - you should have just driven off.

i realise its hard to say no at times but tjis girl is no friend. you owe her nothing.
the first time you say no to her will probably feel hard and may riddle you with guilt - but you will survive.
after that she might ask again for another favour and again you have to say no.
when you've done that she'll get the message and stop using you and you will be rebuilding your self esteem.


you dont need this person in your life, youre worth much more than that.
take care

I could have written the OP myself when I was 18/19 but the advice above is 100% spot on.

I had a couple of "friends" that used to use me as a taxi for nights out because I didn't drink. I got sick of it all and eventually started saying no and ignoring my phone when I knew they'd be ringing. I felt bad at the time (could never figure out why) and I thought I was losing friends but I was just cutting deadwood out of my life.

It'll feel ****e at first but you're better off in the long run cutting people like that

Sardonicat

OP, there are some people in this world who view their fellow human beings as a means to an end only. They become adept at identifying people who are kind, obliging and generous and actively seek them out. Of particular benefit to them are people with these traits who are at a vulnerable point in their lives. Unlike the majority of people, they don't admire those positive traits in others or feel empathy for someone who struggles . Instead they regard them as weaknesses to be exploited. They view "decent " people with contempt who deserve to be used and abused. It took me a long, long time to believe that people like this exist but it's true. I suspect this girl is such a creature.

Have no more to do with her. Nothing. The next time she asks you for something use two words, the second of which is "off", this will make it clear to her that you have her number.

To avoid exploitation from others in future figure out what your boundaries are and stick to them. By all means stay true to your generous and obliging nature but at the slightest hint of being taken for granted assert yourself. And listen to your gut. These people usually set off an internal alarm in all of us 'cos something is off with them. Whenever you get "that feeling" about someone keep them at arms length.

Arrival

Before blocking her you should have waited for her to possibly ask for a lift again and 'forgot' about actually picking her up when it came time, then blocked her

Lauren7

Thank you all again!!
I definitely want nothing more to do with her & now that I've blocked her she must get the message