Death of a family member -- what to do?

ART6

To outline my question: I and my wife are elderly, and she suffers from an incurable condition that is very slowly worsening. She is immobile and in need of constant care that I provide with the assistance of carers who visit each day.


I know that one day in the not-too-distant future she will slip away from me, probably in the early hours of the morning as always seems to occur. For that reason I check on her at midnight and then, generally, at about three-o'clock in the morning and again at about six-thirty. I want to try to ensure if I can that when she finally leaves me I can be there with her.


Then what do I do? I know how to care for her, but I don't know what to do when it happens. I am sure that there are all sorts of laws and procedures that are required, but what are they? Do I call an ambulance to take her to the hospital where her death can be certified? Do I need to call a doctor when our GP doesn't work weekends if that is when it happens, so I would perhaps need a Caredoc -- who are not always available. Do I need to call the Gardai who will ensure that I hadn't murdered her?


Then this business of autopsies -- if she dies at home does that automatically require one? I couldn't bear that, so what would I have to do to prevent the desecration of her body?


I hope I have put this in the right forum but, perhaps, mods might redirect it if it isn't. I would just welcome some suggestions on what to do when the inevitable happens.

dudara

Your GP should be able to help you with a lot of these questions. They would be familiar with the services available in your area.

I wish you and your wife the very best

Stanford

Some good practical advice on here

https://rip.ie/articles.php

EdgeCase

Make an appointment to your GP as soon as you can. You need a listening ear.

Also if your wife is terminally ill, get in touch with your nearest hospice. They often have very good outreach services, even where someone is not an in-patient.

banie01

I'd second all of the advice offered above.
Your G.P, your hospice and also if there is any support network or charity offering advice or assistance for your wife's condition.
There is some guideline information available on the citizens information site
Self care is of the utmost importance for you too, try to make sure that you look after yourself aswell as your wife.
Remember there is still some life to be lived, and to try and share the happiness that ye still can.

Rubberchikken

talk to your gp. you need all the support you can get at this time.
take care

uck51js9zml2yt

She's very fortunate to have you and you are right in dealing with the practicalities now.

Generally it's a case of calling an ambulance for your wife.
As she will have passed away at home, you will normally need to identify her in the hospital.

They may also require a post mortem to determine the cause of death as she will have died at home and not in a hospital but do talk to your GP. He may be able to help in this regard.

Contact your chosen undertaker beforehand. Make plans. Tell them what you both want. It makes it easier for you when the time comes.

They are getting more accustomed to people pre planning. A friend of mine already has his own funeral organised.
Everything is written down and with the undertaker.

Once notified, the undertaker will deal directly with the hospital to arrange the transfer of her care to himself.
The most important thing though is that you look after yourself.
Make sure you get the support you need and the breaks and above all, go easy on yourself. You will have done everything could for her.

ART6

Thank you all! It is a matter that I have been fussing over for some time without knowing quite how to deal with it when the time comes. I just live in hope that is some time away yet, although I know inside me that it isn't!

harr

As mentioned above get things organised now as best you can ..GP will help. Also your local undertaker would be a wealth of knowledge and a good one will take a lot of the paperwork out of your hands. I doubt you would need the autopsy As her passing probably won’t be classified as sudden or unexplained.
If things take a turn for the worst during the night ring for ambulance and they too will be be able to offer advice.
I know my uncle died last year after a short illness and he was found at 2 in the morning.
The paramedics could not have been better to our family and gave the option of letting my uncle spend his last few hours at home or they could have transferred him to hospital. His family decided to leave him in his own house.
He died peacefully a couple of hours later at that stage the undertaker took over.
Sorry you are going through this ...it’s not easy.

wildwillow

When my child was terminaly ill we decided to let him have his last weeks at home. When he died we just informed his doctor and the hospital.

We waited a few hours before calling on the undertakers, to spend a little time alone and in peace before the whole funeral process began.

No need to have an autopsy if the death is explained or if the person has been under the care of a doctor.

Your wife can remain at home till going to church or wherever you have decided to have a ceremony, or the crematorium.

You may like to discuss getting a grave now if this is your wish.

The undertaker will guide you through the while process and should not put pressure on you to overspend.

Be aware of costs of items like announcements on local radio, papers, and wreaths. Undertaker will pay all costs on your behalf so discuss this in advance and set a budget if necessary.

It may be a good idea to have a chat with the local undertaker in advance while your mind is still clear. Your brain will not be as clear after the death, however expected, so be as prepared as you can.

Set your mind at rest and then concentrate on your wife and your own health in the time you have left together.

I think your wife is very lucky to have you and you will cherish these days in the future.

LegacyUser

An autopsy is not required OP if there is a clear cause of death and no suspicious circumstances. In your wifes case her death will not be sudden nor unexplained and thus does not require an autopsy. To help avoid any issues or confusion do as many have suggested and speak with your GP.

When the time comes don't be rushed, take the time you need before calling the funeral home. If you've discussed it already with your wife what she wants ie to go to a funeral home or have a home viewing etc etc just follow through on those plans or if you've not discussed anything then speak to the funeral home on what the options are. I know its upsetting but if you feel you can have that chat now, do it. If you've everything organised with them you should just have to make one phone call when the time comes and leave the rest to them.

Purgative

Art6 just wanted to send my very best wishes to you and your wife.