I think I messed up a good friendship

Sgt Hartman

To cut a long story short, a good friend of mine in work was interested in a position in a different part of our department. He found out later that the position was just part time so he wasn't going to apply. I decided to apply as I believed that I would be able to divide my job between the 2 departments.

I later found out from him that he actually applied for the position and he hopes to be the favourite to get it. Later that evening I texted him to tell him that I applied for the position myself but I intented to withdraw my application because I wanted him to be the favourite to get it. I even sent him a screenshot of the email I sent withdrawing my application. This was yesterday evening and he hasn't replied to me at all. I'm terrified in case he thinks I betrayed him. He's one of my best friends in the place and I would hate for him to think that I just don't know what to do.

Big Bag of Chips

Your heart was in the right place but if you did actually tell him that you were withdrawing your application because you wanted him to be the favourite.. That reads to me, and probably him, that you think if you were in the running he wouldn't get the job. That you feel he wouldn't stand a chance against you. It comes across as a little conceited.

I would say just say nothing for now. Because anything you do say will be just digging a hole! There could be any number of reasons he hasn't replied. Just carry on in work like you normally would. He might be a bit cool with you, or he might be absolutely fine. Time will tell, and time usually thaws situations like this anyway.

Sgt Hartman

From what I heard when he submitted his application, he was the favourite for the job. It was never my intention to make him think that he didn't stand a chance against me. I just wanted him to know that I didn't want to be in a position to take something he's be really wanting for a long time. I should have just withdrew without saying anything to him and left it at that, I'm a plank All I can do now is see what form he's in on Monday morning and hope for the best

Ursus Horribilis

How your friend fares in the upcoming interview is out of your hands anyway. It's up to him to convince the interview board that he's the right person for the job, regardless of who's in the race. Interviews for promotion can make workplaces a bit weird for a while anyway. Then once the results come out and the dust settles, things are fine again. Unless the person passed over for promotion decides to sulk, but that's another matter entirely.

BBOC is on the money with her advice. Say no more about this and act as normal. Hopefully, they'll be holding those interviews before Christmas and everyone knows where they stand before too long.

Neyite

Mod Note:

Baron Kurtz, you post was deleted. It's below the standard expected of posters in PI.

The_Honeybadger

You should have either gone on to interview or just withdrawn your application and said nothing, as above it may come across like you think you would have gotten the job and withdrew out of pity. Difficult to know what your friend will make of it nobody here can advise you of that.

If it was me and I wanted the job I wouldn’t have withdrawn my application btw. You probably should have gone on to interview and been open with your friend I’ll bet ye’d even have had a laugh comparing notes on the interview.

jimd2

Sgt Hartman wrote: »

To cut a long story short, a good friend of mine in work was interested in a position in a different part of our department. He found out later that the position was just part time so he wasn't going to apply. I decided to apply as I believed that I would be able to divide my job between the 2 departments.

I later found out from him that he actually applied for the position and he hopes to be the favourite to get it. Later that evening I texted him to tell him that I applied for the position myself but I intented to withdraw my application because I wanted him to be the favourite to get it. I even sent him a screenshot of the email I sent withdrawing my application. This was yesterday evening and he hasn't replied to me at all. I'm terrified in case he thinks I betrayed him. He's one of my best friends in the place and I would hate for him to think that I just don't know what to do.

A very strange way for you to put it. Your intentions were no doubt honourable but you just should have said that you pulled out when you realised that he had already applied.

Deub

Friends and work are 2 different things. If you wanted to apply, it doesn't matter if your friend wanted to apply or not.
I was in that position and didn't the job. It didn't change the relationship with my friend because it is not his fault if he did a better interview than me. I could only blame myself.

Sunflower 27

Deub wrote: »

Friends and work are 2 different things. If you wanted to apply, it doesn't matter if your friend wanted to apply or not.
I was in that position and didn't the job. It didn't change the relationship with my friend because it is not his fault if he did a better interview than me. I could only blame myself.

I agree. He said he'd pulled out anyway.

OP, maybe he was thinking the same as you about splitting the jobs and didn't want you to come to the same conclusion and also apply.

In your shoes, I'd have continued with the application. It's a pity you didn't.

woodchuck

OP if I was your friend, I wouldn't feel betrayed by you sending in an application for the same job. That's just life. If you're in the same profession, it's inevitable that you'll both apply for the same role(s) sooner or later. It has happened with me and my friends over the years. And yes, it's a little bit awkward, but here is certainly no sense of betrayal. In future, don't pull out of the running just because you know someone else going for the role too! I find it quite bizarre that you did to be honest.

However, I'd feel very offended by the text you sent. It sounds like you don't think he'd get the job when competing against you. I'd just leave well enough alone though. As someone else said, you'll just be digging yourself into a deeper hole and hopefully they'll see that you were just trying to do what you thought was the right thing.

SirChenjin

I think your intentions were well meant, but the message might come across badly.

In your shoes, tbh, I wouldn't have withdrawn my application. I probably would have mentioned already to the friend that I was going to apply for it.

As pp have said, this is going to happen from time to time in most professions / companies - that you are competing with friends for roles.

I would leave it as is, and see how things are with him when you meet.

Sgt Hartman

So he rang me today and we actually had a laugh about what happened. Apparently he was totally okay about the whole thing. He was busy over the weekend and I mistook it for him ignoring me. Naturally I thought the worst and made myself miserable, thinking that i had fallen out with him.
Anyway I wish him the best. I've applied for a different position in the same department that I think I have a fairly decent chance of getting. I'll concentrate on that. Thanks to everyone though for their suggestions.