To Move out from Flat?

LegacyUser

Hi All,

So I am a 20 something individual who has been living in the same house for 4 years. I moved in here when I was in college with 2 friends, one has since left but the other one still lives here. We get on great. I have a great deal here. My friends mum owns the place and I have the best room in the house, it is in a brilliant location very close to town, and my rent, well this room would probably go for over 100 euro more per month if it were put on the market today-it really is a steal. My landlady has been so good to me letting me stay here as long as I have and not once ever raising rent.

However I have been working in a company for over a year now, I am on a temporary contract but the nature of my role will lead me to a permanent contract in less than a year with a considerable salary increase. However, there is a problem, in that I do not drive, and thus it takes well over an hour, sometimes over 2 hours to get home (this is by Bus as I do not drive, and it would take even longer to walk home as most of the driving journey is via motorways/roads unsafe to walk on).

I have hence, been considering moving out and into a house closer to where I work. I have 2 reasons for this:
a. The fierce length of time it takes me to get to and from work daily. It involves taking 2 buses, and is really eating into my day.
b. A new flatmate moved in in January, and will be staying here for the foreseeable future. and we are definitely clashing. I knew her before she moved in and she is very good friends with my other flatmate. She is very nitpicky (this I knew before) and gets angry at very basic small things, things that would never irritate someone else- e.g. she accidentally locked me out of the house once and got angry at me for knocking too much on the door (we dont answer the door when a person knocks so I knocked on the door until she answered). She holds grudges as well, and over reacts to certain things, I have been on the receiving end quite a bit the past 2 months or so. Its making living here very difficult, I often do not leave my room as I dont want to be in the same room as her as I am afraid about what she will be giving out about next.

It would make logical sense to move, however as I said I have a great deal here. I contacted a landlady whose home would be a 20 minute walk from my place of work. However it should be noted I work in the sticks. It is the middle of nowhere, with absolutely noting bar the industrial estate (with causes huge traffic problems) and a spar. I do not think I will move into this place as the rent is far too much for my budget(140 euro more rent per month, that is including bills but is still way out of my budget).

I cannot actually reason with my flatmate, I physically cant do confrontation in the slightest, its like my brain and body shuts down and I cannot think or even speak. I have been known to literally walk away from a situation as soon as someone starts getting angry at me (terrible life skills I know) Her attitude can be domineering and even when I have attempted to reason with her previously over certain issues she just doesnt seem to consider my point of view at all, and remains angry and continues to berate me, even in situations where I have done something to be kind to her, she sees the worst in the situation, as if I had purposely gone out of my way to make her miserable or foil her plans or something.

So I dont know whether to stick this out, the long commute and the finickity flatmate for cheap rent, a sense of loyalty, and a great location. Or to move out, pay more in rent, live with strangers in a not so great location but not have to bear the awful daily commute.

joeguevara

This is a no brained. You are valuing 2 hours a day of your life that you spend in a commute for the measly price of 140 a month. Think of what you could achieve or do if you had a large portion of that time that is currently dead if you move closer.

Secondly forget about the drama you have created in your head about letting your friend down if you move out. In all likelihood they want you to move so they can market rates but don’t want to ask as a sense of loyalty to you. You will be doing them a favor financially if you leave.

With regards your fear of confrontation I completely understand that and can sympathize with you. You don’t have to have a stand up row with anyone but you should not be putting yourself through hell because you are afraid to stand up for yourself. I will give you a bit of advice. In these types of situations no one is going to hit you. So to be scared by words, tone and volume while understandable is ridiculous when you think about it. Allow the person to have their outbursts. Don’t interrupt or try talk over them. When they are finished put your side across. If they won’t listen use the Gerry Adams tactic of ‘i Didn’t interrupt you so you don’t interrupt you’. If they continue to not let you have your say say I cannot engage with someone who can’t behave in an adult fashion. You will feel better to try than simply hiding.

I hope everything works out for you.

gwalk

so you got a considerable salary increase

but 140 increase in rent is out of your budget for a much easier commute to work

Faith

If you could drive, what would your commute time be?

I would strongly advise against moving to a more rural location if you don’t drive, no matter how convenient it is for work. The risk of isolation is significant.

It sounds like there are several different issues:

1. You don’t drive
2. Work is in the middle of nowhere
3. You don’t like your future flat mate.

While I think #3 is enough to warrant moving out, I’d just advise caution about where you go. Can you move somewhere that’s still in a lively area, but easier to get to work? Or learn to drive?

afkasurfjunkie

Stay put, you were there first and seem to be in good standing with landlord. Start learning to drive and put the savings you are making on rent into lessons/car fund.

Neyite

Option c: Get a car.

If you are rural, then at some point you'll need to drive. Might as well be now that you learn. What better incentive than knowing that it's your way out of a prickly housemate situation? That way you've got options on both job opportunities and house-shares.

I got offered a great job somewhere in the middle of nowhere that wasn't on any regular bus route so it forced my hand and honestly, it was the best thing to happen. I lived 30 mins drive away in a lively town with great flatmates and the car gave me so much more freedom from that point on.

But aside from that, this situation has shown you that you need to work on your assertiveness. Meeting people like her will be something you'll do throughout your life, and it won't always be an option to swap jobs or your home to avoid conflict with someone difficult. Is this something you think you could work on?

Xterminator

Op if your commute is 1.5 hrs each way 5 days a week, 4 weeks a month = 60 hrs a month.

do the math - your spare time has to be worth more than that? and that's before you consider the hassle with flatmates. life is too short for that, and your not being assettive enough. if someone locks you out and its their fault you should be letting them know in no uncertain terms they are the one at fault and have no truck with their attitude.

If money is tight (despite the pay rise? ) you could bring a packed lunch at least 3 times a week, and cut down on takeaway coffee etc. that should put at least half of the rent rise back in your pocket!

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

OP here. Thanks for the replies,
Just a few things-I actually own a car, however I cannot drive. I tried learning from lessons alone but I couldnt really practice, when I went to get the car insured I was getting quotes between 5000-10000 euro (no joke that was literally the quote I got, the car itself was approximately 1000 euro), I am not able to get insured under any one elses policy as we do not own a car in my family home (which is the other side of the country btw) and when we tried to quote my parent as the main driver and myself as a named driver the quotes were equally as bad, so driving is an unavoidable predicament (I used to get weekly driving lessons, the day before my test my instructor told me to cancel the test as I was "a danger to the road"). Driving would only take about 15-20 minutes (excl traffic) but as I said these roads cannot be walked on.

Salary increase wont happen for another 6-12 months. I am in the company a while now, however my new role pays the exact same as my previous role, which is not much above minimum wage :P However the nature of my current role will hopefully mean I get promoted within the next 12 months to a different role that pays 9k more that what I currently earn.

Meals at work are subsidised-I pay somewhere between between 3-4 euro at work for breakfast lunch and several cups of coffee, I used to bring my own lunch and it was actually working out more expensive :P Soup is 65 cent

I am currently living with the flatmate I am clashing with, I always knew she was finickity before she moved in, she was reasonably grand until recently, it has been VERY bad the past 2 months.

Another small issue is that the company has several buildings, most of which are in the area where I currently work however they have a different centre in another location which can only be reached by car from my current work place (no bus route/very busy main road with no footpaths means it cannot be walked, its also a reasonable distance from the main location of the company)

Therefore I think Ive decided to stay put for now until I get a new role and have more money. I am still going to a house viewing for the more expensive house outside of my budget, maybe it will change my mind. The only reason for moving to the area would be for work so I dont particularly want to move but realise its a logical decision that I will eventually have to do. My parent thinks moving is the worst idea imaginable but the commutes are killing me.

C3PO

Would you consider a bicycle, electric bicycle or scooter?

December2012

Why was your insurance quote so high?

Honestly I would sort out your driving first. Or look at a scooter? Is throughout of the question?

ross2010

You need to get your driving licence, esp if you live rural. Get back doing lessons even if you cannot practice as the insurance costs ridiculous. Save up and do an intensive set of lessons with a different driving instructor. Once you have your licence the insurance will be much more affordable. In the meantime can you cycle to work? I wouldn't more to the more expensive place and leave behind a home where you have had security and affordability for so long, I would use the extra you would have paid for the higher rent to pay for driving lessons.

As for the roommate, she sounds like a nightmare and prob not one to be reasoned with but don't be a pushover either. Is she your licensee or did the landlord take her on?

dellas1979

If staying on, think you need to figure out why youre so scared of this flatmate.

She's only human.

There are people like this every where. You either learn to ignore these silly/testing rants. And not take it personal (her problems aren't about you). She is who she is. And be happy yourself. Or have it out with her/stand up for yourself.