Ex demanding to move back in.

singledad1979

Hi. Ex left me (1 year ago) and is renting nearby. I remain in the family home (Sole name on mortgage/Deeds and make/have made all payments). We share 50 50 custody. I pay the agreed (informal agreement) maintenance on time and half of all school/medical expenses for the children.

Ex has been served notice on her accommodation and has said that she is moving back in. As you can imagine this is not ideal for the children or me.


Can she do this? My solicitor is very vague.

Markcheese

Very first thing, make sure you changed all the locks, and control who has spares.. At least she can't move in while you're out.. As to the legalities... Woo whee if your solicitor can't answer...

_Brian

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/separation_and_divorce/family_home.html

There’s some good information here. If ye can’t come to an agreement then the courts will make a decision on what is best including ordering that the property be transferred into joint names if they see that be the best outcome.

Change the locks, let the court decide

Disclose. I got divorce almost 20 years ago. last Christmas she came back looking for money, place to stay. In divorce she got every thing she want, now she want more because she made bad choices. I (heavy heart) told her vaffanculo, but still she torment me for weeks. They don't give up easy if they think they can get something.

Can you imagine you are wearing the other shoe, what you would get?

singledad1979

I am happy to sell and split the assets accordingly if that means we have closure. Do you think this could be factored into a judges decision?

jimmycrackcorm

singledad1979 wrote:

Can she do this? My solicitor is very vague.

Did you get a separation agreement? Did she get anything from her share of the assets?

Was the house in your name prior to the relationship and did she contribute in any way towards it?

singledad1979

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

Did you get a separation agreement? Did she get anything from her share of the assets?

Was the house in your name prior to the relationship and did she contribute in any way towards it?

We have an informal agreement that she is starting to want to change. I have given her close to 40% of all net asset worth in cask (Bank transfer).

the house was always in my name and I made all the payments. She was a stay at home mother for 3-4 years prior to our split.

MarkR

Did you give her half the value of the house at the time? Or was that not included in your calculations?

julyjane

I have no advice or experience but you're not paying a solicitor for him/her to be vague. Get them to lay out what you can do and if they continue to be vague find a new solicitor

BronsonTB

If married, yes she can move back in. (Legally)

Get a formal agreement asap, get it in writing exactly when you separated & record that with both your solicitors.
(This is the basis for divorce for the long road ahead).

All will then be taken into consideration when the day in court arrives.

In the mean time try mediation to help iron out a mutual agreement & you both agree on.

Good luck OP.

cloudy90210

Change the locks immediately. Do not let her back into the house. She has milked you dry like Margaret Cash has milked the social welfare.

Change your solicitor. Do not let this witch get another cent from you. Get an agreement in writing and do not let her back into your life.

Wabbit Ears

Sounds like you aren't properly legally separated. Don't let her back. If you do just go and move out and leave your keys in the letterbox cos its hers now.

Invest in a barrister and get it all written down, signed and legally witnessed. Concede nothing until this is done.

_Brian

cloudy90210 wrote: »

Change the locks immediately. Do not let her back into the house. She has milked you dry like Margaret Cash has milked the social welfare.

Change your solicitor. Do not let this witch get another cent from you. Get an agreement in writing and do not let her back into your life.

What I love is that just because OP opened the thread and got his spoke in you are already lining up this lady as a witch.

I’d imagine this is a hard time for everyone but we still only have half of any story here folks.

We all have opinions on what should happen and might happen but slagging off someone based on nothing is awfully shallow and not at all helpful.

Spanish Eyes

Were you married OP? I think that might have a bearing on things.

singledad1979

MarkR wrote: »

Did you give her half the value of the house at the time? Or was that not included in your calculations?

I gave her half the net worth of all assets including the house equity.

Squatter

singledad1979 wrote: »

I gave her half the net worth of all assets including the house equity.

Which suggests to me that you owe her nothing - I assume (and hope) that you can prove this to the satisfaction of the court, if things get nasty.



It may be as well to play hardball here; so maybe instruct your solicitor (or another one) to write to her and make it clear that she isn't going to be allowed back into your property in which she has no stake.

jimmycrackcorm

singledad1979 wrote:

We have an informal agreement that she is starting to want to change. I have given her close to 40% of all net asset worth in cask (Bank transfer).

Informal meaning what? Deed of separation, antibiotics if any legal standing?

singledad1979 wrote:

the house was always in my name and I made all the payments. She was a stay at home mother for 3-4 years prior to our split.

You are away ahead already as its significant that she came into the relationship where you preowned the property.

Wabbit Ears wrote:

Sounds like you aren't properly legally separated. Don't let her back. If you do just go and move out and leave your keys in the letterbox cos its hers now.

Follow this, so not let her move in. Let her go to a solicitor and see how far she can get.

Markcheese

Possibly stupid questions, how old are the kids? (as in do they have keys?)
How big is the house? (as in, is there a spare room? Or even a spare bed?),
If so lock internal doors, fill spaces with junk. Make sure any rear access/or gate is locked securely park so entry isn't easy.. (buy a scrap car if necessary...)
Hell plan on going on holidays to your máms whatever so there's no one at your fortress home..(and if a neighbour can keep an eye Including ringing the guards if "someone" is trying the locks).
Yes it may cost you a good few hundred in locks Ect. But it would still be cheaper and less fuss than the alternative..

rgodard80a

this sounds like a story I've heard before.

If the ex moves back in, it might possibly be viewed legally as a "reconciliation" and suddenly all your previous arrangements i.e. giving nearly 50% of your net worth could be null and void and she could take another bite of the cherry in a few years time.

Whether that means half the house, half your pension scheme etc...

I'm not in the legal profession, never been through any of that, just this story appeared in the front page / boards home page and drew my interest.

Fordcspri23

Mod-Redacted.
This forum is not for replies like this. Thank you

Corca Baiscinn

Markcheese wrote: »

Possibly stupid questions, how old are the kids? (as in do they have keys?)
How big is the house? (as in, is there a spare room? Or even a spare bed?),
If so lock internal doors, fill spaces with junk. Make sure any rear access/or gate is locked securely park so entry isn't easy.. (buy a scrap car if necessary...)
Hell plan on going on holidays to your máms whatever so there's no one at your fortress home..(and if a neighbour can keep an eye Including ringing the guards if "someone" is trying the locks).
Yes it may cost you a good few hundred in locks Ect. But it would still be cheaper and less fuss than the alternative..

Many posters are taking this legal line re the OP's question and it's true that he did ask if his ex had the right to move back. but the poster is not taking account of the fact that this woman is the mother of his children who cared for them full-time at home for a few years. The couple are separated but share custody so the kids constantly to and fro between Mum and Dad and a major flare-up is hardly in their best interest.
Neither I would think is Mum moving back home, bound to cause confusion and more upset when she moves out again. O first reading the OP I wondered if the ex was at risk of becoming homeless ad of the knock-on affect of that on the children but the OP says he has split their assets so that's unlikely.
OP if I were you I'd focus on mediation & try to get across to your ex that what she proposes is unfair on the kids leading to "Are mum and Dad back together?" scenario. Your offer to sell sounds very reasonable. Wishing you good luck!

Spanish Eyes

Married or partnered?

TCM

singledad1979 wrote:

Ex has been served notice on her accommodation and has said that she is moving back in. As you can imagine this is not ideal for the children or me.

This is like a storyline from Faircity.

RabbleRouser2k

Seems like she's chancing her arm and expecting you to buckle-as others said, change the locks, if you haven't already.

She may very well be trying to use the children as blackmail, too, in order to get what she wants. As you've stated, you've made sure that all the children are looked after (with school and any medical needs).

The solicitor you spoke to may not be well versed in family issues-and so it might be wise to try and find another one. (Not mocking the solicitor-just noting that issues like this are often specialised areas).
Since the assets were divided equally, I think she's chancing her luck tbh.

TheBoyConor

rgodard80a wrote: »

this sounds like a story I've heard before.

If the ex moves back in, it might possibly be viewed legally as a "reconciliation" and suddenly all your previous arrangements i.e. giving nearly 50% of your net worth could be null and void and she could take another bite of the cherry in a few years time.

Whether that means half the house, half your pension scheme etc...

I'm not in the legal profession, never been through any of that, just this story appeared in the front page / boards home page and drew my interest.

This is very significant and scary op.

I would advise you to change all locks and secure your house as best you can as others have suggested. Install an alarm and possibly a camera and have live access to these on your phone.
If you see any attempt by her to re-enter or otherwise interfere with the property call the gardai straight away and tell them there is someone on your property who you believe to be trying to break and enter.

That way if she does play the "reconciliation" card you'll have it on the Garda record that it was an unauthorized entry and you did not agree to it. Having the Gardai confront her and ask her to leave might also soften her cough and let her see that you're not to be messed with.

singledad1979

Just an update. Case progression is imminent.

I owned the house 5 years before we married.
The kids are mid/late national school age.
I pay (so i have found out) double the average maintenance
I pay 50% of all school, medical etc
I buy clothes etc as well (she buys very little)

She has half the week off but will not find work
The mortgage is in my name.

My question is:
Cani be asked to leave. Thus having to rent. Still pay maintenance. Still be liable for the mortgage (as she isn't working she wont get one). And reduce my access to the kids?

I work full time, condensed my hours so i can be there for the kids when i have them, pay maintenance and have offered her half the net asset value.


Sick of this.

Really worried.

uck51js9zml2yt

singledad1979 wrote: »

Just an update. Case progression is imminent.

I owned the house 5 years before we married.
The kids are mid/late national school age.
I pay (so i have found out) double the average maintenance
I pay 50% of all school, medical etc
I buy clothes etc as well (she buys very little)

She has half the week off but will not find work
The mortgage is in my name.

My question is:
Cani be asked to leave. Thus having to rent. Still pay maintenance. Still be liable for the mortgage (as she isn't working she wont get one). And reduce my access to the kids?

I work full time, condensed my hours so i can be there for the kids when i have them, pay maintenance and have offered her half the net asset value.


Sick of this.

Really worried.

Have you gotten legal advice in the last month?
Asking random people on the internet isn't the answer.