Can anyone help

Castlerea1121

Hi so don't know where to turn to but a bit of background to begin I've been with my current gf for almost 4 years my first proper relationship I'm 29 and she is 38 when we met I had just started my own business anyway long story short the business ended up failing so we moved out of the town we were in and got a house together she was on social welfare I couldn't get a job so we went to the social welfare and not quite sure how it happened but I ended up being a dependent on her clame so only she can collect the money also she was constantly accusing me of talking to other women online so I had to get rid of all my social media I don't really have friends I can turn to as I have isolated myself from them she blames me for the state of the relationship and the fact that she feels so low she says I show her no emotion but if I go to give her a cuddle etc she pushes me away I do love her but I also know in the back of my mind that it isn't going to get better the problem I have is that I have no access to money and if I leave what am I going to do about getting somewhere to live I just feel as though there is no way out sorry for the rant and any advice would be great

LeakingLava

<SNIP>

Reading your post, it sounds like you are more concerned about what happens after a breakup. In my opinion, it looks more like you needing financial advice than a relationship advice. The relationship is over. It sounds like you don't want to make an effort to fix the relationship anymore, so I don't think it would be healthy for you to stay. Don't take it the wrong way, though. I am not blaming you or anything, that's just how I see it and if that's how it is, so be it. If the feelings are gone, they're gone. Now, if you tell me you're willing to work things out, then I would advice you to go for it. But that would ultimately have to be your decision/willingness.

Regarding the financial advice, maybe there is a better forum to ask this in? I'm not familiar with that topic, sorry.

Pawwed Rig

Sorry for your problems op. Re the previous post the man always gets the blame on this forum so don't let it upset you.

Re your gf. Has she ever worked? Are there kids involved?

You are in a difficult situation as there are few supports for healthy dependent men. I would say that there are plenty of jobs around though. It might be a long commute but you need to become independent of this lady. With a months pay you can easily get a deposit in most towns in Ireland.

Do you have family that could help you out?

As a side note this is classic abusive behaviour from your gf. Isolation from your previous life is step 1. Financial dependence is step 2. Emotional abuse is step 3.

She will not like you getting a job and losing your dependence on her so be prepared for that.

LeakingLava

I really didn't mean to blame on anyone. All I was saying was that if his concern was more towards how he could move forward financially than how to fix the relationship, then I would imagine that he understands that the relationship is pretty much unfixable. No blame, just facing the reality. Apologies if the post comes off negative towards the OP.

LegacyUser

Contact Amen.

www.amen.ie

You are in an abusive relationship. It is often very difficult for men to admit or even to see this. Withholding money, blaming you for everything, and demanding you withdraw from social media are massive warning signs.

Have you anyone at all that you can contact? Any family? You need to get away as soon as you can. Contact Social welfare and tell them you are no longer in a relationship and you need to be removed from your girlfriend's payments with immediate effect.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Definitely contact Amen as this is an abusive relationship. Get out of the relationship, get help, contact family and friends for help. I know you said you have no friends as you are isolated, but I think if you explained to one of them what was going on they would help. Clear up the issue with social welfare, explain they must have made an error and you are not a dependent. She's controlling your access to money, OP. That is an extremely serious issue in my book. It leaves you so vulnerable.

Please do get help and get away from her.

Sunflower 27

You need to leave this woman. It appears you are only staying because financially you are dependant on her.

I'm not sure of what you are entitled to financially, but finding out should be a priority.

It might be worth asking on the state benefits forum.

You can resolve this situation and I'd recommend remaining single until you are back on your feet and in control of your life again.

Hannibal_Smith

I think there's a social welfare forum on boards. Ask in there about how you get your claim back to you. Resist any convincing she tries to do...no one should have control of your money.

In the meantime, do you have friends or family you can contact and stay with? Dont prolong it. Get out as soon as you can. But get the money issue resolved today.

dudara

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Re the previous post the man always gets the blame on this forum

@Pawwed Rig - less of this commentry please. If you have a problem with posts, you know how to use the Reported Post function

dudara

osarusan

Sounds like something and somebody you are better off away from.

If you are entitled to social welfare as a dependent on her claim, there's every chance you are entitled to it independently also. That would help you to get out of the relationship and find your own place.

There is a state benefits forum here, and you might get more informed answers there regarding that part of your post.
https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=861

hawley

It sounds like a toxic relationship. The downward spiral in your life has been dramatic. You've gone from owning and running a business to having your social welfare controlled by your partner coupled with being socially isolated; all within the space of four years. You desperately need to regain your confidence and your ability to stand on your own two feet. You can't just walk out because you may have no access to money for a period of time if you do so. You need to make an appointment with a social welfare officer so that the money is paid directly to you. Then you need to be in a position to save money so that you have something with which to start your new life. You should also look at doing courses through the social welfare office; this would help you get back into the workplace. You may need counseling in future, you have been the victim of an emotionally abusive and controlling person. Good luck with it.