why can't i cry.

johnboy8

my mother passed away suddenly three weeks ago,she had a stroke and was in hospital for a week and unresponsive for that time,i cried in the hospital a number of times and myself and my sisters stayed by her bedside for the entire time(thanks to the mater hospital)but since then i haven't.i was very close to my mother and we had a great relationship.my father died 12 years ago and we were not close at all so my mother really was my mother and father.

i am really missing her and think about her a lot,but i cant seem to break down and let it out,i am surprised because i am usually an emotional person at the best of times.my mother had the onset of dementia for the last two years and while she was not too bad she was starting to go down hill.i just cant seem to process the whole thing and i am a little worried.my wife and three daughters have been amazing and i am back to work and getting on with things but it just doesn't right.cheers.

Ghekko

Sorry for your loss. Its very early days. I'd say you are still in shock. It's been 3 years since my mother died quite suddenly and I have rarely cried. Yet I could easily cry watching an ad or a soap opera. I wondered like you if it was right that I wasn't crying and I thought the tears would eventually flow. But here I am 3 years on, having also lost my father last year, and I don't shed tears. I miss them, especially mum, and miss 'home' but I have just got on with it. I don't think there is anything wrong with it. We just deal with grief in our own very personal way. Try not to have any expectations as to how you should/shouldn't be. Just be! And if a time comes when you do feel the urge to cry then don't hold back. There will most likely be triggers in the future that will shake you, be it a song or a smell that reminds you of your mum but those moments may just pass by with fondness as opposed to tears. Good to hear your family are so supportive - that helps a lot.

johnboy8

thanks ghekko,my mom was everything to me and i visited about twice a week and brought her to dinner a lot on sundays.i have been over to the house a couple of times and thought that might help but its just sad and empty.i have to at sometime go through the process of selling the house and clearing it(dreading it).

Ghekko

Now that is a tough gig! My siblings and I went through that in our house and I did it with my husband at his mums house. You think of all the effort our mums put into keeping things nice and you are left wondering what to do with all the stuff. We kept a few token bits - dinner set, few ornaments from each house, furniture we could use - but the bulk of things went to charity or stayed in the house for the buyers (who were happy to keep as much as we left). Hopefully you will find someone who will be happy to keep furniture but otherwise there are lots of charities who will take it. It's difficult to maintain a house when it's vacant as with the best will in the world damp seems to set in after a while, even with the heat coming on. But if you are nearby at least you can keep an eye on it. Be mindful of security though and keep lights on timers. Also you may need to advise the house insurance company that it's vacant. There's so much to think about but take a while as it's all so raw. Go through the house over time and box up bits and pieces for charity shop. No need to do it all at once. If there are any valuable bits take them out asap though.

johnboy8

thanks again.all of those things are a bit of a distraction really and they are kind of keeping my mind busy.cheers,thanks for the advice.