Confused

Rosepetals85

My fiancée and I spilt in march due to rows from my PND. We didn’t know it at the time until September. Recently we have been getting on really well and he said he was thinking of resolving our issues and getting back togather. We went for drinks, walks and meals. All going well until I came across photos of him with someone else. This was in August, fair enough I wasn’t with him but he is still in contact with her. He denies ever being with her, saying it’s work related but these photos are at a car event. And she is linking his arm. I asked him to cut contact and unfollow her on fb and unfriend her. I told him I can’t resolve anything if she is still in the background. He refused saying that I can’t control him. When I seen the photos I went ballistic especially when I know they are still in contact.

Now he has done a complete u turn around saying oh live your life etc. We were togather 10 years, have a small child togather and our wedding date is next year as we didn’t cancel it. I literally do not know what to do. To say I’m heartbroken is an understatement. Can anyone give me advice. Thanks

punisher5112

Now you know to leave it be, it's tough but you will be better off.

Why didn't he want to sort before the split.

He most likely has moved on and maybe noticed the grass isn't greener but sure that's how it goes.

Best of luck.

Rosepetals85

Thanks for your reply. He is extremely stubborn. I showed him photos of him and her. There was no physical contact between them and then he asks me out for dinner, drinks etc. I then came across the one with her linking his arm and I confronted him saying why did you lie to me. This is more than a work thing. She is married ffs. I was in a bad way, constant mood swings and he moved out couldn’t take it anymore. I take ownership of that but back then I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Funny thing is anytime I say I’m walking away, he pulls me back in. He says he is only being civil asking me for “dates” as we have a child togather. He is under a lot of pressure at work as he owns the business. We weren’t on great terms for a few months and it’s only now we were coming back to ourselves. He has a lot of restentment for me because he moved out

punisher5112

Could you try councillor and try and talk it through....

Rosepetals85

punisher5112 wrote: »

Could you try councillor and try and talk it through....

I am going to counseling due to this and my PND.
He is going to the same counselor, thing is when I confronted him about the photos that’s when he told me he was going to talk things through and see if we can resolve things.
I told him I was walking away as it was to painful but I told him I will always be there for you when you need me. He says I know... ten minutes later he texts me would you like to go for a drink with me tonight.

Just to add, we were still a couple, going to family events, sleeping with each other and doing what couples do up until August. I was in the pub with him 3 weeks before them photos was taken

Idle Passerby

How long were You suffering from post natal depression? Without knowing the details, it seems pretty cold he'd leave you because of PND and with a newborn to look after. It all seems very up in the air. Even if you reconcile will the two of you be ready to get married so soon?

A picture of him linking arms with a woman isn't enough to conclude anythings going on but your suspicious and he's defensive. It might be an idea to shelve the wedding plans for now. Your not currently together, it's unclear if he wants to get back together or even if either of you are in the right frame of mind to give it a proper go.

Rosepetals85

She is all over his business page and other people business page on fb with the love instead of likes on photos. She has reviews on google, fb everywhere about his business. On his business instragram page she likes every photo. I coped her arounf August as she left the review as I was the one dealing with the business social media. I went into my own personal page and could not find her as she had me blocked. Around then he takes me off the social media that I ran since the business was created and blocked me on every social page we had.

I’ve been feeling like this for 3 years with suicidal thoughts. Yes the wedding is off. It’s very hard to know what to believe. He is struggling with his business and is very stressed about it

vectorvictor

Rosepetals85 wrote: »

I asked him to cut contact and unfollow her on fb and unfriend her. I told him I can’t resolve anything if she is still in the background.

Rosepetals85 wrote: »

Now he has done a complete u turn around saying oh live your life

I can only ask what did you expect? You don't own the man and have no rights to make these demands. Making them has pushed him away whereas him parting ways with her would have just happened naturally if being with you was the right and motivating move for him.

Best of luck with managing the PND , my OH of the past went through it and I know a tiny part of what a big struggle it is.

It's good that he is making an effort with you for the sake of the little one. Can you let that be enough for the moment and take things as they come?

Rosepetals85

You are right. Maybe I’m jealous. When I seen the photos I was like I’m not putting anymore time and effort into this. Then he asks me for the dates after I seen the photos. I think I’m afraid that if I did resolve it with him I’m afraid that something will go on behind my back. I’m just going to get on with things and who knows around the corner we might be able to patch things up. I’m just hurt over the wedding being cancelled, struggling with my PND and recently only met my birth mother so my head is everywhere.

He was the one who mentioned to resolve things. I thought after ten years that’s the least he could do to show me he was serious about us getting back together.

vectorvictor

Rosepetals85 wrote: »

You are right. Maybe I’m jealous. When I seen the photos I was like I’m not putting anymore time and effort into this. Then he asks me for the photos. I think I’m afraid that if I did resolve it with him I’m afraid that something will go on behind my back. I’m just going to get on with things and who knows around the corner we might be able to patch things up. I’m just hurt over the wedding being cancelled, struggling with my PND and recently only met my birth mother so my head is everywhere.

You have enough going on.

Hurt will heal but a lifetime of a relationship of looking over your back will be torture. You won't ever trust this guy by the sounds of it so why would you want that as a permanent part of your life?. Take the short term hit in terms of hurt and you'll be happier in the long run.

Get some counselling going specifically for this, a new counsellor for a specific issue can really help rather than sticking with the same one you have for everything , there's a ton of free / low cost options.

Good luck

Rosepetals85

Thanks, he goes to counseling over is as well. I didn’t know he was until I seen the photos. He goes to the same person as me. I’m just going to step back, be friendly to him as he is a kind hearted man and I still love him. I have always trusted him, never would have crossed my mind. We were spilt when this one came along. So it’s none of my business but it killed me knowing he was with someone especially a married woman. She and him deny there was anything going on. I just have to take their word for it.