So I did it, but its opened a tougher can of worms:(

itziebitzie

Hi all

I wanted to go in and update on my other thread but it has been locked, so hence the new thread. I am not allowed post a link, but it is "No job, no car, no hope?".

I ended it with him 2 weeks ago, and I know that this is the right decision so I am not regretting that at all.

However, not having him around has raised the issue of just how god damn lonely I am, and this weekend I struggled so badly with it, that I more or less did not leave the bed. I am not depressed, but I just find myself so isolated. I don't have a huge circle of friends and those that I do have are married with kids etc. I understand that they are busy living their own lives and that is great. I don't have a great relationship with my parents - they are difficult people who unfortunately from past experiences, I have learned that I must keep them at a distance. My only sibling lives at the other end of the country.

I suppose I am just feeling very lost. From the outside, I am sure that others think I have it all - good job, house, car, reasonably attractive etc. And I am normally very outgoing in company, so I am sure that most people would be shocked that deep down I feel like this.

I think I just feel that I am 40, no kids, divorced, very few friends that I can call upon to do anything social - what really is the point? I know that work keeps me busy and upbeat, but its when i come home to an empty house for an entire weekend, that I just get so annoyed.

It is making me question the men that I choose - I think the only reason I choose them is to fill a void in my life - for company. I mean I even went back on POF and Tinder when only broken up a few days - WHY?!!!!!! It only makes me feel worse, but I just feel so lonely.

I am not sure even what I am asking here. I guess I just wonder is anyone out there experiencing the same?

Thanks for listening.

professore

I have a good male friend where I work, mid 40s, divorced a few years now, initiated by his ex for no obvious reason other than incompatibility.

It hit him hard in the beginning, to this day he still doesn't know what went wrong. He completely changed his life around after divorce, went from being a career slave to following something he was passionate about, and still managed to keep his normal career going in a self employed capacity. He has lots of new friends and is a far happier person than before. He has shared custody of his daughter, and an amicable relationship with his ex wife. He is still not in a relationship, and he also isn't as financially well of as he could be - he does OK but his main career could earn him a lot more than he does - but this isn't bothering him in the least. His secret is he doesn't care anymore what people think. He "played by the rules" a guy is supposed to play by - good job, good dad, help out at home, mortgage etc and it got him exactly nowhere. You strike me as the female version of him.

It might be time for you to do something similar. Find out what makes you happy, and it isn't the "perfect" life with all the boxes ticked - and for sure isn't another man. Look on this as a once in a lifetime opportunity to find out what you really want from life.

LegacyUser

Do you have any hobbies, OP? I only ask as I was previously feeling like you. Friends all more or less married/kids/busy lives, I was involving myself with men who weren't suitable as I was lonely and looking for fulfilment through others. Sat myself down a few years ago and really thought about what things I like doing/would like to do and I haven't felt lonely like I used to in years! I'm doing things I love and not relying on others to fill me up and I'm a lot happier for it.

Is there anything you've always wanted to do but never done? Any hobbies/activities/holidays? Start doing the things you love, you'll be surprised at how it fills you up.

mistress_gi

Well I am going through exactly the same thing at the moment. Even simmilar breakup circumstances.
I guess I like my own company and I like my job otherwise I would be in bed like yourself
I don't really know what this is going to achieve just to let you know you are not alone in this situation...

.......

I think that you are seeking a relationship to give meaning to your life.

Unfortunately not everyone finds a happy ever after in a good relationship.

It sounds so cliched but you need to find happiness from within, then if you end up in a good happy relationship that will be great, but if you dont, then thats ok too.

You cannot have as the thing that gives you meaning, something external that you have no control over. You cannot ever guarantee that you will find a good relationship and it will last etc... Even with good relationships sometimes partners die and leave the other person alone too. Life isnt about just being with someone else.

I really agree with Professores post above, you need to find out what makes you happy.