False allegation made against me

sellasheep

For the past couple of years I've been visiting a nursing home to see an elderly relative. A friend of mine happens to work in this home. During this time there was a young woman working at the nursing home, she was friendly towards me and that was as far as it went. Her mother also worked here. My friend would tell that this girl liked me romantically but I was never interested and just remained polite to the girl. This went on for months. However on a recent visit, the mother of this young member of staff appeared hostile toward me and I was dumbfounded as to why.

Fast forward to yesterday. I receive a call from my friend who works at the home to tell me the mother of this young woman has told her that I followed her daughter on a recent night out and harassed her. I was stunned, shocked, upset to say the least. I rarely go out and have never even met this woman outside the nursing home.

I feel the only way to address this is to confront the mother about her damaging claim in her workplace and record it?

I am very upset by this as it has the potential to damage my good character. Anyone know how I should approach it?

never_mind

Hi OP

The best thing to do here IMO is to go to the management and tell them what happened. As you have no reason to be worried with zero evdience id go to them and make a complaint about the mother.

zapper55

Never Mind had good advice. Definitely do not confront the mother which will make you look like a bully or recording a conversation without her knowledge is illegal. And completely pointless, for all you know the mother could have innocently thought it was the truth.

sellasheep

zapper55 wrote: »

Never Mind had good advice. Definitely do not confront the mother which will make you look like a bully or recording a conversation without her knowledge is illegal. And completely pointless, for all you know the mother could have innocently thought it was the truth.

I plan on having a diplomatic conversation with her to ascertain exactly what has been said. Also recording the conversation is not illegal once I am apart of it.

Jessie1965

I think you're doing the right thing.
Inaction isn't an option.
That sort of thing can travel God knows where.
Then you'd be subjected to bad experiences you plainly don't deserve.
I know from experience.
It may be a case of mistaken identity.
Or it might be "the crack" - this should also be met with serious intention. Take the fun out of it by showing your disapproval in a one to one, where no one can interrupt.
Don't worry about legal repercussions.
No one takes legal action for being severely reprimanded for telling lies.

LegacyUser

You should also make sure to establish your whereabouts on the night in question.

I'm not sure whether a solicitor or Gards are the best option right now.

You've been accused of following and harassing here, and this has been spread around amongst people you know.

Who knows who else has heard of this and how it may impact your future job prospects and reputation locally. I'm not a lawyer - but I see it as a clear case of slander against you.

Under no circumstances confront her or the mother. It's a serious allegation and you need to fight it for a legal perspective in order to protect yourself.

Rubberchikken

Is your friend being completely truthful? Or even accurate?
Thus information is coming to you from.someone who told you previously that this girl was interested in you.
If youre going to speak to this girls mother id advise you to have someone with you.
Recording it is one thing but this could go really wrong depending on whats said or whats inferred.

sellasheep

Rubberchikken wrote: »

Is your friend being completely truthful? Or even accurate?
Thus information is coming to you from.someone who told you previously that this girl was interested in you.
If youre going to speak to this girls mother id advise you to have someone with you.
Recording it is one thing but this could go really wrong depending on whats said or whats inferred.

My friend has now claimed it wasn't said once I told her of what I would do. I would guess this is because she works with this woman and doesn't want any trouble.

Ghekko

So your friend is a liar?? What did she think she would gain by telling you such a fabricated story? I'd be asking her for the absolute truth here because if she is now covering for the mother of the girl who you allegedly harassed then you still need to nip the story in the bud before the mother continues to spread it.

wiggle16

I don't get it, your friend took it back and said she made it up, or that you misunderstood, or what?

As others have said, do not approach the mother. You will only make things worse. If you still think it's true, you should go to management and tell them what happened: that one of their staff has been spreading rumours about the relative of one of their residents. That's serious like and they should be made aware of it.

Pauliedragon

sellasheep wrote: »

My friend has now claimed it wasn't said once I told her of what I would do. I would guess this is because she works with this woman and doesn't want any trouble.

I'd be seriously questioning your friends role in this story. Why backtrack so quick? That usually means something amiss in my opinion.

Jessie1965

I've been thinking about the young girl in the context of the whole story.
You said the mother was hostile towards you for a few months before the allegation made against you.

I'm wondering was the daughter saying things (from loneliness or unsaid frustration after your "rejection" of her) about you to her mother in the months before the allegation to you through your friend?

The daughter may be acting out of motives of revenge, because you weren't interested in her. If the motives aren't exactly that it could be she's very lonely and desperate and too young to know the impact of false allegations like that.

So she might be lashing out mindlessly, like a toddler. I've seen that in stressed women in their 20's. Not too often thank God.

It's destructive though and she shouldn't be let off with it.

Someone should talk to her and get across to her the wrongness of the behaviour.
The management of the nursing home should be informed about her fantasist nature and malicious wish to destroy your good reputation. Hell hath no fury compared to a woman being scorned.
She may be a danger to patients with these issues as well.This isn't the professional attitude a staff member in a nursing home should have.
Make sure you get a private uninterrupted conversation with management in there. It's got everything to do with the running of the nursing home and it's mission statement, ethos etc.

Big Bag of Chips

Never, ever, ever believe 2nd or 3rd hand information. I think you need to, on some level find out wtf is going on here. Either your friend is sht stirring for some weird reason, or this woman is spreading rumors about you, or her daughter is. One way or another you can’t let this lie. I think you need to talk some more to your friend and possibly then to the owner/manager at the nursing home.

Neyite

How well do you know this friend of yours? Because he/she is at the very heart of it feeding information to both sides. Creating drama and has now gone too far.

For all you know they've been telling this girl that you fancy her and that you only visit your relative to try to see the girl and she feels uncomfortable the mother is getting pissed off at you for this. Then when no romance has sparked to get their kicks out of, they've upped the ante for a bit of drama and sh!t stirring and didn't factor in that you'd see that as a very serious allegation and would take it further.

Tbh, I'd probably discuss it with the nursing home manager. It might be that the girl is as odd as anything and makes stuff up, or it could be your friend doing all the stirring. But either way, they are both employees and there's seemingly a serious allegation made by one of them towards a service user's visitor. They need to check it out.

.......

I think that your friend isnt your friend, but a **** stirrer.

Personally Id speak to management in the place and report what your friend has told you and then let the management speak to both your friend and the girls mother.

When people realise that their mouthing off is causing them to be disciplined in the workplace they will think twice about spreading idle gossip.

Be clear with management that you will engage a solicitor if necessary.

silverharp

If you ignore your friend's comments the mother sounds like she is out of order in what is a client led service so you should have reported her on that basis alone, if she was rude to a visitor/relative, lord knows what she could be doing to the patients. Maybe you shouldn't tip your hand if the friend could be part of the problem and give the mother a second chance. To test the water, find an opportunity to discuss some element of the patients care with her, and if she is anything other than professional then ask her what her problem is and see where it leads, if the "story" has got around then report the daughter to management unless the mother is fully cooperative and sees it from your side and you can sort it out between you all

IITYWYBMAD

sellasheep wrote: »

For the past couple of years I've been visiting a nursing home to see an elderly relative. A friend of mine happens to work in this home. During this time there was a young woman working at the nursing home, she was friendly towards me and that was as far as it went. Her mother also worked here. My friend would tell that this girl liked me romantically but I was never interested and just remained polite to the girl. This went on for months. However on a recent visit, the mother of this young member of staff appeared hostile toward me and I was dumbfounded as to why.

Fast forward to yesterday. I receive a call from my friend who works at the home to tell me the mother of this young woman has told her that I followed her daughter on a recent night out and harassed her. I was stunned, shocked, upset to say the least. I rarely go out and have never even met this woman outside the nursing home.

I feel the only way to address this is to confront the mother about her damaging claim in her workplace and record it?

I am very upset by this as it has the potential to damage my good character. Anyone know how I should approach it?

I really don't see the whole melodrama in all of this. Maybe the "Mother" was having a bad day, and was snarky with everyone? Maybe your friend is being an a**hole and making s*it up.

If the mother is rude next time you encounter her, say it to her.

"Is there an issue between us?" and then deal with the fallout. People say s*it about people everyday, without the need for under-cover recording or "good names" being dragged through the mud.

Deal with the issue, and stop thinking about any potential fallout, until you have the full facts in your possession. Just communicate with this person, and if she is in possession of false information, set her right. No need to involve friends, management or the CIA.

sellasheep

I reported the incident to management at the home today. I told them the woman who said it didn't want her name mentioned but I mentioned her anyway. They will now bring her in for interview to establish what she said and will contact me by Friday. I am anxious as fear a backlash but I have to protect my good name.

sellasheep

Nursing home never contacted me. Could this mean woman is sticking to her statement and nursing home is seeking legal advice as comments were made on premises when she was in uniform?

Purple Mountain

You've no way of knowing for sure.
Could have been someone off sick today or on a different shift.
Hold tough for a few days.

wiggle16

sellasheep wrote: »

Nursing home never contacted me. Could this mean woman is sticking to her statement and nursing home is seeking legal advice as comments were made on premises when she was in uniform?

No one here can answer that question. You don't even know that they have spoken to her yet.

You wouldn't necessarily be informed of any action taken against her, it's a disciplinary issue between her and her employer. Any legal stuff is between you and her, the nursing home is not being accused of anything. I don't see what difference being on premises and "in uniform" makes.

harr

You did the right thing in saying it to the nursing home as it has a possible 3 members of staff discussing or accusing a visiting member of the public of some serious allegations.

It sounds to me the lady in question took the fact that you were not romantically interested In personally or she could have made up the allegations to get her mother off her back and it now is after back firing on all 3 including your friend.
Give the home another while to do the investigation and if they try to sweep it under the carpet I would be then speaking to a solicitor on your next step.

If the mother told your friend this story you can nearly guarantee she has told other members of staff and god knows who else.
Chinese whispers Like this can snowball quiet quick and with every retell of the story something else would be added to make it sound more sensational.

mrsdewinter

I think you did the right thing. Either a) you're a man who harasses younger members of the facility's staff on nights out, b) a staff member defamed you, a regular visitor to the facility, to another staff member, or c) a staff member is telling a regular visitor that another staff member is repeating damaging & groundless gossip.
None of those scenarios can continue, as far as management is concerned, so I'd say you'll hear back from them.
Perhaps give it until Tuesday morning before checking back in with your point of contact once more. As said above, they could be on annual leave, or something.
Just be calm & clear that you take such allegations seriously. Whoever's imagination has been working overtime here needs to learn that it's not on.