Tinder etiquette

I've been messaging a guy on Tinder for the past 2 days and he's asked me out for a drink. Lovely gesture but I kind of thought hmm, shouldn't he have asked for my number first? Built up a bit more rapport? In my head that's the way it should go anyway... I don't like feeling rushed into meeting someone.

What are your thoughts, AH? Do you have any particular tinder etiquette(s) you like to abide by?

Grayson

I'd chat for a few days with someone on a dating site and then ask them out for coffee. I'd far prefer it to chats for ages and it wouldn't even pop into my mind to ask for their number until after the date. I mean what's the point of having their number until after the date when I/we think it might be going further.

gwalk

best tinder etiquette = don't bother with it

its full of disgraceful humans of both genders

JustMe,K

Some people like to meet up to get to know people rather than going back and forth with hundreds of messages. There's plenty of people online who are passing time with no intention of ever meeting anyone.

Maybe you simply dont want to meet this guy? Interesting that you would want to exchange numbers prior to meeting, I absolutely would not want people I did not connect with having my phone number!

JustAYoungLad

gwalk wrote: »

best tinder etiquette = don't bother with it

its full of disgraceful humans of both genders

Does the idea of other people getting laid make you angry?

c6ysaphjvqw41k

Do you want someone who might end up being a psycho having your number?

jimgoose

Some people doing the online dating thing like to speak on the phone before actually meeting up with people, and some don't. I wouldn't think there's any right or wrong way to it. Just do it whichever way makes you more comfortable.

biko

Why not meet up quickly to see if there is any chemistry at all?
Tinder is after all not the best app to find "the one".

Just meet in a public place and have a coffee/drink.
Have a excuse ready to leave after an hour, e.g "I have to go see my sick mother in hospital at 5pm"

TerrorFirmer

Don't see the issue, I'd be pretty much the same - don't need someone's number unless the first date is promising and you want to see each other again. Keeps things simple and uncomplicated.

If you prefer the opposite that's fine too, but nothing wrong with the guys suggestion, I personally find most girls are on that wavelength at this point too.

theintern

biko wrote: »

Why not meet up quickly to see if there is any chemistry at all?
Tinder is after all not the best app to find "the one".

Just meet in a public place and have a coffee/drink.
Have a excuse ready to leave after an hour, e.g "I have to go see my sick mother in hospital at 5pm"

That might raise some questions. Much better to use an excuse that won't elicit any follow up. I'd recommend "I have an appointment to go get my hemorrhoids treated" or something similar.

Cherry_Cola

Deleted User wrote: »

I've been messaging a guy on Tinder for the past 2 days and he's asked me out for a drink. Lovely gesture but I kind of thought hmm, shouldn't he have asked for my number first? Built up a bit more rapport? In my head that's the way it should go anyway... I don't like feeling rushed into meeting someone.

What are your thoughts, AH? Do you have any particular tinder etiquette(s) you like to abide by?

It's better to meet after a decent day or so of chatting I think. Otherwise it devolves into a texting situation that will fizzle out after a few days.

Kevin Finnerty

theintern wrote: »

That might raise some questions. Much better to use an excuse that won't elicit any follow up. I'd recommend "I have an appointment to go get my hemorrhoids treated" or something similar.

What if it transpires hes a specialist in that field and offers to help with the bloody undercarriage?

Feisar

When I used to be on dating sites/apps I prefered to meet up fairly quickly with someone as with msgs you can get a false sence of the person. Daytime coffee being best I think.

PlaneSpeeking

theintern wrote: »

That might raise some questions. Much better to use an excuse that won't elicit any follow up. I'd recommend "I have an appointment to go get my hemorrhoids treated" or something similar.

I've a mate who says when he meets someone "I have to leave handy, I've an early morning".

If the date goes well he explains "big project due in work" and makes another date.

If she's a bunny boiling harpy "I have to go to the clap clinic for the next jab".

I've told him one day he'll get called on the latter by someone with it but will he listen ???

corner of hells

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I've been messaging a guy on Tinder for the past 2 days and he's asked me out for a drink. Lovely gesture but I kind of thought hmm, shouldn't he have asked for my number first? Built up a bit more rapport? In my head that's the way it should go anyway... I don't like feeling rushed into meeting someone.

What are your thoughts, AH? Do you have any particular tinder etiquette(s) you like to abide by?

Thanks OP , here's me being all sincere and behaving like an adult for the last two days before asking you out for a drink and you have to bring it to AH for advice.

seamus

Deleted User wrote: »

I've been messaging a guy on Tinder for the past 2 days and he's asked me out for a drink. Lovely gesture but I kind of thought hmm, shouldn't he have asked for my number first? Built up a bit more rapport? In my head that's the way it should go anyway... I don't like feeling rushed into meeting someone.

What are your thoughts, AH? Do you have any particular tinder etiquette(s) you like to abide by?

Fortunately I've never had to use online dating, but I know for a fact that this would be me, 100%. I would chat over text for a while and then see if you wanted to meet up for a coffee or a drink.

Aside from family and friends, I don't really like "chatting" on the phone. Calling for a specific purpose is fine, "chatting" just sounds like a nightmare.

It's probably something to do with dead air and silences. Text doesn't have these and a face-to-face meeting is way easier to bounce off someone and get a conversation warmed up. If you can't think of something to say on the phone then it's just silence.

Feisar

seamus wrote: »

Fortunately I've never had to use online dating, but I know for a fact that this would be me, 100%. I would chat over text for a while and then see if you wanted to meet up for a coffee or a drink.

Aside from family and friends, I don't really like "chatting" on the phone. Calling for a specific purpose is fine, "chatting" just sounds like a nightmare.

It's probably something to do with dead air and silences. Text doesn't have these and a face-to-face meeting is way easier to bounce off someone and get a conversation warmed up. If you can't think of something to say on the phone then it's just silence.

I don't get this, Tinder/POF or whatever are working for you on a rainy Wednesday when yer at work.

It's like trapping as opposed to hunting.

seamus

Feisar wrote: »

I don't get this

When I met my wife, online dating consisted of asking "a/s/l" in chat rooms which were probably mostly populated by sweaty hairy men in their 40s, responding "17/f/cali, u?"

If I were single, I have no doubt I would be all over that sh1t and probably far more successful than I ever was in the past.

seamus

seamus wrote: »

When I met my wife, online dating consisted of asking "a/s/l" in chat rooms which were probably mostly populated by sweaty hairy men in their 40s, responding "17/f/cali, u?"

If I were single, I have no doubt I would be all over that sh1t and probably far more successful than I ever was in the past.

Why do you think you would be more successful with online dating, a lot of what people think is happening is a fantasy.

gwalk

JustAYoungLad wrote: »

Does the idea of other people getting laid make you angry?

not in the slightest, I've seen how people conduct themselves on their is all.

meet for the coffee first and then txt /talk a bit its the best way to do it.

I know people know this but: be honest if you're after a relationship say so from the get-go, it will most likely eliminate 90% of the contacts but so what.

seamus

mariaalice wrote: »

Why do you think you would be more successful with online dating, a lot of what people think is happening is a fantasy.

Sheer volume of contact tbh. I had no female friends. None of my mates had any female friends. There were no girls our age living nearby. We went to all-boys schools. So our ability to get to know any women outside of going out and getting drunk was incredibly limited.

I agree that a lot of people are under the impression that people using online dating are throwing it about every other night, but for a lot of people it opens avenues to meet far more people than they would otherwise have the opportunity.

AlphabetCards

Online dating is the best, I love it. Met my girlfriend on Tinder a few years ago, and met most of my short-term partners on it over the years previous to that. It is superior to meeting people on a night out IMO.

Grayson

seamus wrote: »

When I met my wife, online dating consisted of asking "a/s/l" in chat rooms which were probably mostly populated by sweaty hairy men in their 40s, responding "17/f/cali, u?"

If I were single, I have no doubt I would be all over that sh1t and probably far more successful than I ever was in the past.

Depends one what you mean by successful. I could meet 5 women a week, sleep with each of them, but unless I was actually getting into a successful relationship, I wouldn't consider it successful.

But that's because I have different aims.

touts

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I've been messaging a guy on Tinder for the past 2 days and he's asked me out for a drink. Lovely gesture but I kind of thought hmm, shouldn't he have asked for my number first? Built up a bit more rapport? In my head that's the way it should go anyway... I don't like feeling rushed into meeting someone.

What are your thoughts, AH? Do you have any particular tinder etiquette(s) you like to abide by?

Ok I don't use it so maybe things have changed from when it first launched but I always thought the point of tinder was to rush into meeting someone for a..... drink. There are other sites for more long term prospects. I'd say you may have different outcomes in mind.

Blitzkrieger

seamus wrote: »

If I were single, I have no doubt I would be all over that sh1t and probably far more successful than I ever was in the past.

Know a guy who's newly divorced and is all over tinder and plentyofhoes, and is doing quite well. He's looking for sexy times only and finding plenty of willing partners. You have to remember the golden rules though :

1 : Be attractive

2 : Don't be unattractive


That said, I don't think there's any etiquette really. There's plenty of people using dating apps/sites who are looking for a relationship too. I wouldn't rely on the length you've been messaging as an indicator so much as the volume. I have heard that it's best to meet up with people you're interested in as soon as possible to see if there's chemistry, because (almost) nobody is looking for a pen pal.

Pyr0

Grayson wrote: »

I'd chat for a few days with someone on a dating site and then ask them out for coffee. I'd far prefer it to chats for ages and it wouldn't even pop into my mind to ask for their number until after the date. I mean what's the point of having their number until after the date when I/we think it might be going further.

As Irish as it sounds, I'd much rather a pint over a coffee. My stomach would be in knots before the date as it is, adding coffee to the mix wouldn't be very comfortable experience at all

Amirani

Blitzkrieger wrote: »

That said, I don't think there's any etiquette really. There's plenty of people using dating apps/sites who are looking for a relationship too. I wouldn't rely on the length you've been messaging as an indicator so much as the volume. I have heard that it's best to meet up with people you're interested in as soon as possible to see if there's chemistry, because (almost) nobody is looking for a pen pal.

Pretty much this based on experience.

Pyr0

Pyr0 wrote: »

As Irish as it sounds, I'd much rather a pint over a coffee. My stomach would be in knots before the date as it is, adding coffee to the mix wouldn't be very comfortable experience at all

Agree 100%, always need a drink to settle the nerves! Coffee would be too daunting.

I did get too drunk on a date once out of nervousness though and was absolutely mortified after. I apologized the next day and he unconvincingly said "Ah no, it was funny.." Lesson learned.

spodoinkle

Langston Future Walrus wrote: »

Do you want someone who might end up being a psycho having your number?

You dont have to go to Tinder to meet a psycho