Paternity Leave with newborn

Bogs Bunny

Hi everyone,

I'm trying to decide how much paternity leave I should take concurrently with my wife when our baby is born next year. While the 2 weeks statutory paternity leave is welcome, it pales in comparison to paternity leave offered in countries like Sweden or the UK's shared parental leave and pay in the baby's fist year. An additional 18 weeks unpaid parental leave is of course available to me should I be able to persuade my employer.

I'll be less than a year in my new job by our due date, so won't be entitled to paid paternity benefit, but my wife and I have saved up enough to enable me to take up to 6 weeks off when the baby is first born.

My question is, how long did you/your partner take off as a secondary caregiver on the birth of your child? Do you feel it was enough, too little, too much?

Thanks in advance!

lashes34

Just to note the UK is also 2 weeks. (Edit: they do have shared parental leave where the mother can share 37 of her 39 weeks maternity if thats what you are referencing but paternity is 2 weeks)

My husband took 2 weeks, he was in a new job so couldn't take any holidays but did take 2 wreks holidays the following month. Not enough for me, I would have loved to have him around a lot longer especially as I didn't have family nearby to help.

GalwayGrrrrrl

My partner took one afternoon off when I had my first baby! Not ideal but he’s self employed. However, in the first few weeks the baby will be feeding and sleeping. Ideally breastfeeding. So as a father you won’t be able to do that much apart from keep things going at home (dinners, cleaning etc). If your partner has a c section and no other family to help you might need more than two weeks off but other than that I would save the parental leave. Down the line it’s very useful for school holidays or reducing crèche fees if you can both reduce hours using it. Also if you have another child you can use those hours to look after a toddler while the new baby needs night feeds.

mvl

its been a while, my SO took few weeks, then back to work few weeks, and then he ended up in hospital for a month when my baby was 2 month old. I didn't have support from family (except when I was visiting him in hospital, had my sister minding), but my baby was good (easy to handle bfeeding and stuff)...
- what my SO did (and I encourage you to look at how much that can work for you) was to take time off once I had to go back to work, when our baby was 9 months: he staid full time with our daughter until she was 2yo
(my salary is higher, so we lived from one salary for that period).

angeldelight

My husband took almost three weeks off after our daughter was born. I had a section but recovered very well so while I didn’t need him per se it was lovely to be in the little bubble of our new family for that time. I was sad when he went back to work but it was a bit easier for myself and the baby to get into a little routine when it was just the two of us there.

This time round he’ll take three weeks again I think - it’ll probably be a section and we will also have a 4 year old so I will definitely want him around as long as possible!

Bogs Bunny

lashes34 wrote: »

My husband took 2 weeks, he was in a new job so couldn't take any holidays but did take 2 wreks holidays the following month. Not enough for me, I would have loved to have him around a lot longer especially as I didn't have family nearby to help.

Thanks for your thoughts! My wife would definitely appreciate the extra help. She's pretty debilitated with Hyperemises Gravidarum right now, and I'm worried she might need that extra bit of support after birth.

GalwayGrrrrrl wrote: »

So as a father you won’t be able to do that much apart from keep things going at home (dinners, cleaning etc). If your partner has a c section and no other family to help you might need more than two weeks off but other than that I would save the parental leave.

First child for us - I'd like to able to help out as much as I can. A lot of fathers say they might as well have been a lamp stand for all the baby cared in those first weeks/months, but, on the other hand (and I haven't done a huge amount of research) I've read that being around a bit more with the baby in the first month can lead to a much stronger bond between father and baby.

salmocab

I took no time on the first and 2 weeks hols on the second. Didn’t take any paternity. Honestly don’t think I missed out on anything.

Bogs Bunny

angeldelight wrote: »

My husband took almost three weeks off after our daughter was born. I had a section but recovered very well so while I didn’t need him per se it was lovely to be in the little bubble of our new family for that time. I was sad when he went back to work but it was a bit easier for myself and the baby to get into a little routine when it was just the two of us there.

Interesting what you say about getting a routine. I suppose it could be tough to get a new routine later down the line, i.e. 6 weeks of me being there to help only suddenly to go back to work. Might be some middle ground of taking to my boss about potential to be flexible with the leave (i.e. go back to work sonner if mum recovers fast) and taking a day or two here and there if needed for a bit of extra help.

mvl wrote: »

what my SO did (and I encourage you to look at how much that can work for you) was to take time off once I had to go back to work, when our baby was 9 months: he staid full time with our daughter until she was 2yo
(my salary is higher, so we lived from one salary for that period).

And this. My wife does earn more than me also. I'd more than happily (naive maybe?!) stay at home with the baby while she worked

redlead

salmocab wrote: »

I took no time on the first and 2 weeks hols on the second. Didn’t take any paternity. Honestly don’t think I missed out on anything.

No offence intended but it's not about you, it's about helping your partner who just gave birth.

My advice would be if it's paid then definitely take the two weeks. If its not paid and you can afford it then try to take the two. Otherwise you'd definitely need one week.

shakencat

My other half took 4 weeks then was in for 2 weeks and back off for 2.

It worked really well.
The first 4 weeks were crazy. We were in and out of hospital alot for checks as she was premature.. so at least a week and a half of it was taken up on that alone.

The two weeks back was great, I got the independent work over and wasn't afraid when it came to his second 2week break.

All would be ok if it was only 2 weeks
But we got to spend time with eachother at one of my most vulnerable times.. which was nice. My support was there.

I have friends who's partners took the two weeks, and others who took the two, went back for a few weeks then another two. They were delighted.. sort of felt like you got the hang of it in the two weeks alone, then could enjoy yourself when he was off again..

Hopefully that gave you a little thought!

ImARebel

Bogs Bunny wrote: »

Interesting what you say about getting a routine. I suppose it could be tough to get a new routine later down the line, i.e. 6 weeks of me being there to help only suddenly to go back to work. Might be some middle ground of taking to my boss about potential to be flexible with the leave (i.e. go back to work sonner if mum recovers fast) and taking a day or two here and there if needed for a bit of extra help.


And this. My wife does earn more than me also. I'd more than happily (naive maybe?!) stay at home with the baby while she worked

Don't be fooled it's a tough gig being the stay at home parent. Not that being the sole earner is much fun either. It's such a divide, the man assumes the woman's role and vice versa. People still think it's the easy option to stay at home and it's far from it.

Plus being the dad in a very woman orientated role is harder, you don't make friends most of the other people doing the school runs are women etc

Then the person out working has to come home and clock on to job number 2.

It's tough and very lonely in both roles so take my advice of 10 years later try and find a balance and see could ye both keep working (easier said than done) but worth exploring.

Now for every sad and lonely story there will be be 20 "best thing I ever did" stories. I'm just saying its not a Rosie in the garden in either role

Exciting times none the less and if you can afford to be there for the first few weeks I'd take the time. It's time you'll never get back again especially on your first. The dynamic changes on the 2nd as there is another kid in the mix to look after

So enjoy those first precious days and weeks it's a very special time

tHE vAGGABOND

I am reading this book on request of my wife that dances around the subject of all men being bastards due to women being forced by society to do everything, in the world of childcare. To be clear the book is by and large 100% correct [for our #1 I was chucked out of the hospital by security about 30 to 40 mins after he was born!]. But I could argue against a bunch of the points made and it has all the balance of a Michael Moore documentary. Side note, it is a very hard read, as I find the authors tone and how she makes the points very...unenjoyable, as a text [to be clear, its how she has written the words, not that the message is making me squirm].

But I think comments here like

...Honestly, don’t think I missed out on anything.

proves the books point 100%

We have number 2 due early next year. But I have just started working in a small company that does not have large multi-national like many months of paid leave. Indeed, until I pointed it out as being a new legal requirement, it did not have *any* paternity leave. So need to think about what I will do. Dont want to use up all my holidays. So do I go unpaid few weeks, or split up parental leave and work 3 or 4 day weeks for a few months..

Remouad

I took 2 weeks off on the first and 6 weeks off on the others.
Not paid paternity but still my only regret is that I didn't take longer with the first.

What no one has mentioned yet is how helpful it is for you and the baby to bond.
Personally I took every opportunity to change, bathe or hold them.

Also helped number 1 get used number 2 when they arrived.

Being a new mum is tough, more than you can imagine beforehand, so my advice would be to take as much time off as possible.

Millem

For our second child (he was born on a Saturday) I think my husband took maybe Mon-Fri off. He then went back to work mon-thurs for say 10 weeks and took every Friday off. He works in sales so he was answering emails etc while he was off!
It worked well for us as our older boy was in montessori so it meant my husband did drop off/pick ups.

Electric Nitwit

OSI wrote: »

I took a month when my son was born. Honestly wouldn't give back that month for the world. Being at home as a family for a whole month and being able to help my wife get back on her feet without her having to take the full burden of caring for our child is something I'll forever be grateful for.

This x2
I had four weeks off, I'd highly recommend it

shesty

3/4 weeks taken here for all three kids.
No.1 was the most as I was a week in hospital and then a further week due to a post partum haemorrage.Recovery took a while.
But after 3/4 week, I was ready for him to go back to work so baba and I could get ourselves into our routine.Sounds awful, but there you go.
Paternity leave is way handier further down the line.

ax530

I agree paternity leave is better used when child older, my husband took 1-2 weeks off when each of ours born made me lots of hot meals and we had a lovely time esp with first.
But for extra holidays or leave I prefered him to take those when baby is older so could go on a holiday or day out before I returned to work. Guess lot depends on how baby& mom are lucky here all went well so I didnt need extra help.
now that our children are bit older find organising child care during school holidays more difficult as they dont want long days in creche with 'babies' so we hope that parental leave will be an option to cover some of that.

catrionanic

Our second child arrived 4 weeks ago. My husband took 2 weeks each time.

I cannot emphasise enough how much harder the newborn phase is when you have another smallie in the house. It is so unbelievably full-on. When I'm alone with them both, I literally don't even have time to eat.

So if you are planning on having more kids, definitely save any parental leave for then. Your first is tough, but nothing like your second!

shesty

Aww it does get easier caitriona.I found 1 to 2 to be a massive adjustment.Just set ypur eyes on six weeks first, then 12 weeks.Once you have them into a routine, it improves, but that said, the first few months are full on.
Once the little one can sit up and watch the big one from their chair, it gives yoy a few mins here and there-and then get to the stage where the little one can sit up by themselves and suddenly, it gets a lot easier, you will find pockets in the day where you get a few mins to go to the loo or shove food in.Any few minutes you get should be spent eating.Once you've done that, if you have a few more minute, you load washing machines or whatever.Yours are close, hopefully you can get them into a routine of at least one nap at the same time, or overlapping, so you might get 30/60 mins in the middle of the day to get your head together.Sleep goes out the window, but you do manage.Hang in there, you are doing it.