Expat Returning Home To Ireland - Does It Get Easier?

ciaramcd227

Hey everyone!

I've just returned home to Ireland after 6.5 years living abroad. I came home on a 3.5 week holiday initially at the beginning of September but with a doomed 3 year relationship on it's last legs in Sydney and a job I hated, I decided to stay in Ireland. And I'm content with my decision.

However - the loneliness has begun to kick in, the novelty has worn off and the reality that my friends have their own lives has really set in.

I knew it wasn't going to be easy but I also didn't think it would be this hard. I'm living at home with my mum - she loves me dearly and is obviously so excited that I've returned home. But, the sad thing is, I hate living with her. As much as I love her, the ninety mile an hour happiness and the million and one questions that I get as soon as I walk in the door from going to the shops, is driving me insane. Within 10 minutes of her sitting down on the couch, I get up and go to my bedroom and this in itself is causing both me and my mum anxiety. The reality is, after living abroad for 6.5 years, I love the space and I loved being able to talk to her on my terms. Is that awful? or is this normal?

As much as I would love to move to Dublin, I really can't afford to and the rent prices are crazy. So I'm stuck. I'm stuck living at home and I have no idea what to do.

Most of my friends either live in Dublin or are still abroad. The ones that live in Dublin work 9-5s and are all in relationships and have their own lives to live and their own circle of friends. I see them (if I'm lucky), once a month.

Unfortunately I never really had that many friends in my hometown so I'm pretty much alone. I didn't mind being alone in Sydney because you could meet people very easily and socialise easily. I find here in Ireland, you get judge being alone and everyones in a click.

It also doesn't help that I'm currently unemployed and I'm in the middle of a career change (not that I know what I want to do)....so I really am in limbo land....

Has anyone else found being lonely after returning home? Does anyone have any tips? Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I'm struggling at the moment!

endacl

Sounds like you’d be happier in Sydney, but out of the relationship.

super_furry

Ask your mam to read what you've just written. It might at least help the two of you to understand each other a bit better and lay down some boundaries.

Lyle Lanley

I've tried coming home a few times but haven't stayed.

Get work and a place to live asap if you want to give yourself a chance. If you're priced out of Dublin, try Cork or Galway. Not much cheaper now but a little maybe.

Boom_Bap

Try somewhere else!

ciaramcd227

What were your reasons for not staying when you did try? If you don't mind me asking?

Lyle Lanley

ciaramcd227 wrote: »

What were your reasons for not staying when you did try? If you don't mind me asking?

Similar issues to what you've mentioned, old friends have moved on with life leaving me wondering what to do all the time! Also, my line of work is something that would be very tough to do in Ireland whereas I am very employable in other places!

mammajamma

Sure the countrys booming! Its all great news!

What it actually means is...you cant afford to rent a place near employment, dont be silly about actually buying a home, dont get sick or youre in deep trouble, the guts of the work is "precarious" (from latest tasc report), so youre fighting an uphill battle to have a normal life, normal relationship and normal family and so on and so forth.

Up is down!

Funny is sad!

The brutal times are the boom times!

Welcome home

Try_harder

No. Why would it be easier?

ToddyDoody

You'll need money to be able to participate. Do you have any money?

Spleerbun

Jaysus, I've always had it in the back of my mind that a few years living and working abroad would be something I'd like to do, never thought about this side of things though! Doesn't sound great at all being caught in limbo like that OP

corks finest

Need to move back to Oz,join a sports club/ hill walking etc if staying here,be thankful you've got a home, probably need counseling ( not a doc,but reading between the lines,you're not over the bust up) things will look up

Peregrinus

Your problem is not that you have come back to Ireland. It's that you don't have a career, you don't have a romantic relationship, you don't have a home and you don't know where you life is going. Your friendship network has moved on/moved away, as friendship networks do, and while you could certainly rebuild it that will take time, and it will also require you to know what you're doing and where you're going.

These problems will not be solved with a move back to Sydney.

You describe yourself as being in the middle of a career change, but not knowing what you want to do. No offence, but that's not changing your career so much as abandoning it. You need to make some choices and develop a plan for implementing them. Doing that won't in itself make your current situation magically better, but it will make it easier to deal with, since it will feel more like a temporary set of circumstances that you are putting up with while you, e.g., retrain or requalify in some career other than the one you've found you hate.

The sooner you can move out of home the better - you're obviously past the point where you can happily live in your mother's house - but you may need to subordinate this objective to the need to get your career on track.

Once you're working or studying, your social problems are half-way to being solved. You'll make more connections, more easily, through work and/or study than you will hanging around the places you grew up in waiting for something to happen, when all the people you grew up with have moved on.

beauf

Most people find it very tough to move home after moving out for a while that's normal. The only solution to that is moving out.

Friends being busy at that stage of their lives is also normal. You just have to change your expectation and find new social circle.

You've also moved out of a big city to I assume a town. Also a big difference.

JigglyMcJabs

beauf wrote: »

Most people find it very tough to move home after moving out for a while that's normal. The only solution to that is moving out.

Friends being busy at that stage of their lives is also normal. You just have to change your expectation and find new social circle.

You've also moved out of a big city to I assume a town. Also a big difference.

It takes time and work to build a life. Write a list of the things you need to do, like decide what job you want, get a job, save €x, move out etc. Start at 1 and work your way down.
Also try putting yourself in your mum's shoes, build some empathy. You'll regret it in future if you don't make and effort.

Fr_Dougal

Go back to Sydney.

Fart

You should start up a business selling food out of a van.

Hector Savage

mammajamma wrote: »

Sure the countrys booming! Its all great news!

What it actually means is...you cant afford to rent a place near employment, dont be silly about actually buying a home, dont get sick or youre in deep trouble, the guts of the work is "precarious" (from latest tasc report), so youre fighting an uphill battle to have a normal life, normal relationship and normal family and so on and so forth.

Up is down!

Funny is sad!

The brutal times are the boom times!

Welcome home

Exactly!
Sad thing is I wouldn't be able to return to Ireland even if I wanted to.

I don't fancy paying 4k for car insurance, 2k+ on rent and a job that maybe pays 50k....

f*ck that ...

corner of hells

Hector Savage wrote: »

Exactly!
Sad thing is I wouldn't be able to return to Ireland even if I wanted to.

I don't fancy paying 4k for car insurance, 2k+ on rent and a job that maybe pays 50k....

f*ck that ...

It gets easier , who'm I kidding ?

Anyone want a whiskey ?

facehugger99

Lyle Lanley wrote: »

Also, my line of work is something that would be very tough to do in Ireland whereas I am very employable in other places!

Porn actor?

Hector Savage

And it's a shame that Ireland doesn't want Irish people back, but they are happy to house and feed economic migrants that will never feel or identify as Irish.

Lyle Lanley

facehugger99 wrote: »

Porn actor?

Yes indeed. There's a niche for 10 second performances which I'm happily satisfying.

Well, satisfying may not be the word.