Should I offer to go?

368100

My brother has just announced he's going to Phillipines in February and is going to marry his girlfriend out there. He has been out there twice and they've been together about 2 years....no questions on the relationship being genuine, she seems a lovely girl.

My question is should I offer to go? If I don't there'll be nobody else from his side out with him. We used to get on really well but his drinking....(and moreso drink driving) has caused lots of arguments between us over the last while so not as close as we used to be.....he's a different person when he drinks...and not one I particularly like.

He hasn't asked any of us to go but I know he would probably like some of us there...there's 6 of us in family but the rest all have kids etc so It would be much harder to go. I think Id just feel guilty if none of us were there for him getting married.
I don't really want to go....doesn't seem like my sort of place for a holiday but I can afford it...and have plenty of holidays being carried over so no real reason I can't go.

Thoughts?

DopeTech

368100 wrote: »

My brother has just announced he's going to Phillipines in February and is going to marry his girlfriend out there. He has been out there twice and they've been together about 2 years....no questions on the relationship being genuine, she seems a lovely girl.

My question is should I offer to go? If I don't there'll be nobody else from his side out with him. We used to get on really well but his drinking....(and moreso drink driving) has caused lots of arguments between us over the last while so not as close as we used to be.....he's a different person when he drinks...and not one I particularly like.

He hasn't asked any of us to go but I know he would probably like some of us there...there's 6 of us in family but the rest all have kids etc so It would be much harder to go. I think Id just feel guilty if none of us were there for him getting married.
I don't really want to go....doesn't seem like my sort of place for a holiday but I can afford it...and have plenty of holidays being carried over so no real reason I can't go.

Thoughts?

If I was you I would go.

Tipperary animal lover

It's a trip of a life time, you'll have people to show you around/where to go, it's not all about seedy, the people are lovely the food is ok the weather is fantastic I'd be gone again in a shot if I was you. Also ya don't have to be stuck to your brother all day over there, go and enjoy yourself ya only live once lad.

ardinn

He didnt invite any of you?

I'd take it your not invited in that case.

368100

ardinn wrote: »

He didnt invite any of you?

I'd take it your not invited in that case.

Well knowing him, i'd put a bet on that's due to not wanting to ask rather than not wanting us there

OldMrBrennan83

I'd be finding out first.

Xterminator

Hi Op

you have plenty of holidays and money's not an issue. I assume you would be staying in a hotel/airbnb so you won't have to worry about accommodation.

So what's holding you back? his drinking?

If it was me, id check with him if he would like me to go, and if he agrees then I would go.

sasta le

He didn’t invite any of his family?
A messy drinker doesn’t sound a nice guy
Might be a chance to wake him up

Ursus Horribilis

He hasn't asked any of us to go but I know he would probably like some of us there.

That's quite an assumption to make. Has anybody in the family had a conversation with him about this?

You say you're not so close to him now, mostly over his drinking. That being the case, you might be the last person he wants to have at his wedding. From his point of view, you're the person who has been judging him and arguing with him over his behaviour. (I'm not saying you're wrong to have taken that stance, by the way). I think you should leave it. Wish him well, send him a present but don't try to invite yourself.

woodchuck

OP since you don't want to go and he hasn't actually asked you to go, I'd just leave well enough alone.

He has decided to get married in the Phillipines, presumably with the knowledge that the vast majority of people wouldn't be willing to travel that far for the wedding. The couple may just want to do something very small anyway and don't actually want people flying out to attend.

nikkibikki

I would ask him if he would like you to go and you won't be offended if he says no as you realise you are not that close.

Is he planning on moving there or coming back here with his wife? Maybe he's planning on having another wedding reception here later on?

.......

Why on earth would you go if you werent invited?

I would absolutely have hated for someone to turn up uninvited at my wedding!

nikkibikki

....... wrote:

I would absolutely have hated for someone to turn up uninvited at my wedding!

Absolutely nobody has suggested that! Including the OP.

iamwhoiam

....... wrote: »

Why on earth would you go if you werent invited?

I would absolutely have hated for someone to turn up uninvited at my wedding!

Did you read the thread title ?


OP . Ask your brother and see how he reacts . Maybe it will break a lot of ice for you both

368100

As a few of you have picked up...yes his messy drinking would be the turn off for me going...I put in a tough week with him in new york a couple of years ago on a family holiday. Despite that, we do get on....just not as close as we used to be.....I still see him 4-5 times a week, I just try and avoid him when there's drink on board.

For those questioning why I would go while uninvited.....the title of the post was "should I OFFER to go"....nobody mentioned just turning up....but alas some boardsies read what they want to see. I know him, and most of the time, even he had a burning desire for us all to go he likely wouldnt say for fear of us saying no....hence why I'm asking should I offer.

Thanks to those who took the time to read the post properly and respond on what was actually said.

Katgurl

Yes. I think you should definitely go.

Rubberchikken

Id ask him if he wants any family to go. He may be conscious of the cost/distance or even something like people using their holiday allowance.