We Need to Talk about Mam - RTE 1

stampydmonkey

Anyone watching this? Brendan Courtney is doing a great job.

yogi37

stampydmonkey wrote: »

Anyone watching this? Brendan Courtney is doing a great job.

I think Brendan Courtney does a great job with everything he has done over the past few years. Have really come to respect him and the work he does.

KaneToad

I turned it off after 5 mins. Thought it was rubbish. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

Molzer2

I think it’s a worthwhile program however he has been focusing on finding a solution to a problem for his Mom but his Mother didn’t realize she had one!

Some of it was quite uncomfortable and I felt a degree of sympathy for the mother! Brendan would be as well off walking the walk regarding his own situation - he didn’t see that coming

splinter65

There’s only so much you can do.
The mam has a plan. She’s going to live there at home until she can’t live alone any more.
Then she’s going to move in with Brendan.
That’s embedded in her head and when she realizes that that’s not going to happen then there will be mucho tears and a lot of guilt tripping.
He needs to back off because she’s just going to get upset and he’s going to get very frustrated.
Leave it. You tried Brendan and she’s not ready to think about this.

iamwhoiam

So the Mam was lonely and needed a plan . At what stage did Brendan think that shipping her off to Spain would be the answer .? She is still lonely but just a bit warmer .! What happens when she gets older ? More dependent or God forbid sick an needs family ? Ridiculous option in my opinion

Turbohymac

Like any Irish short film pure rubbish..

Steer55

The program put me thinking though, getting older and infirm is something people do worry about.

splinter65

Turbohymac wrote: »

Like any Irish short film pure rubbish..

Actually I’m very critical of Irish documentaries too but while I thought this one petered out at the end I found Brendan and his mother very unirritating and thought the story jogged along quite satisfactorily.

splinter65

Steer55 wrote: »

The program put me thinking though, getting older and infirm is something people do worry about.

It’s something that you should be worried about, and I agree with Brendan, everyone over 60 needs to have a rough idea of how they want their lives to pan out....

Agent Smith

stampydmonkey wrote: »

Anyone watching this? Brendan Courtney is doing a great job.

I'm Really Happy for him, and I'm Gonna Let him finish, But How the fuck did he get a show about "dealing" with his mum?

splinter65

iamwhoiam wrote: »

So the Mam was lonely and needed a plan . At what stage did Brendan think that shipping her off to Spain would be the answer .? She is still lonely but just a bit warmer .! What happens when she gets older ? More dependent or God forbid sick an needs family ? Ridiculous option in my opinion

You see she’s actually a very social, friendly woman and quite outgoing. It’s not too late for her to make a whole new set of friends and possibly even get married again.
Sitting alone in that house in Tallaght isn’t going to do anything but increasingly isolate her.
I don’t think the move to Spain or Florida was a serious option, I think it was more to show her that if she opted for the independent living/supported living communal housing option that she could maintain her independence for longer.
She definitely has it in her head that she’ll stay in Tallaght until it becomes impossible and then she’ll be in Brendan’s spare room.
And he’s clear that that would make him very unhappy. So that’s not going to happen, nor should it be forced on him, or anyone.

iamwhoiam

splinter65 wrote: »

You see she’s actually a very social, friendly woman and quite outgoing. It’s not too late for her to make a whole new set of friends and possibly even get married again.
Sitting alone in that house in Tallaght isn’t going to do anything but increasingly isolate her.
I don’t think the move to Spain or Florida was a serious option, I think it was more to show her that if she opted for the independent living/supported living communal housing option that she could maintain her independence for longer.
She definitely has it in her head that she’ll stay in Tallaght until it becomes impossible and then she’ll be in Brendan’s spare room.
And he’s clear that that would make him very unhappy. So that’s not going to happen, nor should it be forced on him, or anyone.

If she is social and outgoing and friendly why would she need to sit alone in the house in Tallaght ( I thought it was Clondalkin but whatever ) . She could get out and about in Dublin too while being close to her family and grandchildren .
Brendans point about Spain being only two hours away is a bit silly .Its not like you hop in a car and its 2 hours door to door .

splinter65

iamwhoiam wrote: »

If she is social and outgoing and friendly why would she need to sit alone in the house in Tallaght ( I thought it was Clondalkin but whatever ) . She could get out and about in Dublin too while being close to her family and grandchildren .
Brendans point about Spain being only two hours away is a bit silly .Its not like you hop in a car and its 2 hours door to door .

Her whole social life was tied up with her husband. He’s dead now and she’s lonely. When you get to her age a lot of your lifelong friends are not about as much as they used to be and let’s face it lots are not out at all or dead.
She’s in good physical Knick and well able to go out and about. She needs to be with others in the same boat.
You should see your kids and grandkids very regularly and lean on them to some extent but don’t live your whole life clinging to them because they have their own lives to live too.

iamwhoiam

splinter65 wrote: »

Her whole social life was tied up with her husband. He’s dead now and she’s lonely. When you get to her age a lot of your lifelong friends are not about as much as they used to be and let’s face it lots are not out at all or dead.
She’s in good physical Knick and well able to go out and about. She needs to be with others in the same boat.
You should see your kids and grandkids very regularly and lean on them to some extent but don’t live your whole life clinging to them because they have their own lives to live too.

When I get to her age !! I am there already almost ! I dont think there is any should in this .Every single person is different . I hope none of mine would be as patronising as I found Brendan to be last night

Uncharted

I found Brendan to be highly condescending to his mother. There was an air of "I know better" throughout the whole show.

The mum is happy.
She is independent.
She has her family home.

If she becomes ill,she can release the asset when she sees fit.
She doesn't want to be sent away to Spain or America or into a retirement village.


Leave her alone Brendan ffs.

JP Liz V1

Uncharted wrote: »

I found Brendan to be highly condescending to his mother. There was an air of "I know better" throughout the whole show.

The mum is happy.
She is independent.
She has her family home.

If she becomes ill,she can release the asset when she sees fit.
She doesn't want to be sent away to Spain or America or into a retirement village.


Leave her alone Brendan ffs.

Does Brendan or his siblings not want to take in their mam if needed or just want the money from house sale?

I could understand the documentary about his father but not this one

splinter65

JP Liz V1 wrote: »

Does Brendan or his siblings not want to take in their mam if needed or just want the money from house sale?

I could understand the documentary about his father but not this one

Not everyone is cut out to care for a parent, or anything or anyone else for that matter. It’s sentimental nonsense that every adult child is suitable to live with and take care of an aged parent irregardless of circumstances and personality type.
If that were the case then why are there so many care homes? I wouldn’t like to live with my daughter anymore then she’d want me. Mrs Courtney has loads of alternatives rather then living with her children when their circumstances and lifestyles aren’t conducive to multi generational living.

jos28

I thought the documentary about Brendan's father was excellent, raised many questions about the Fair Deal scheme and the chance to nurse someone at home. The scheme will be changed as a result of this and for that Brendan deserves major credit.
I saw last night's programme as a follow up to the death of Brendan's Dad and it did raise questions. It certainly got me thinking about what lies ahead for me. My children are adults and are leading their own lives. We have helped them out as much as possible, as my parents did for me. I certainly will NOT be moving in with any of them if the need arose. We all get on very well and there are no issues but I wouldn't in a million years move into their homes.
I hope that I remain healthy and independent for as long as possible but I really should start thinking about what I will do if that doesn't happen.