No chemistry but still wants me in his life

LegacyUser

Hi guys,
Looking for some advice on what to do about a guy I was seeing for a few weeks. He was great and very attentive for the first few weeks but then I got the feeling things were turning a bit cold so i confronted him. He said that he liked me…like a lot but felt like there was something missing. That we lacked in chemistry. I was disappointed but accepted this and told him that it’s been great. He asked me then if I till wanted to see him and hang out, when I questioned this he said because he really likes me. We’ve hung out twice and not in a friends with benefits way just friends. Hes still texting and calling/checking in with me.. Part of me is thinking if we hang out and spend time together maybe something more will grow again. I do like him a lot. Am I mad ? should I just cut ties..we do get on a lot but am I heading for heartache maybe still seeing him etc..

Keyzer

Sounds like more trouble than its worth.

LegacyUser

I just split with someone after a few months as there was no chemistry, for me anyway. I just didn't fancy her. She wanted to remain friends, but as she was mad about me, I had to tell her it was a bad idea. Your guy should know better, if someone's into you, being friends with them can't really work. So you need to cut your losses here and move on.

Big Bag of Chips

If you both felt the same then meeting up as friends wouldn't be an issue. He obviously likes your company , but doesn't feel romantically attached to you. That's fine. We all aren't attracted to everyone we meet. That's why we are friends with some people and in a relationship with someone else. I think he has been very honest with you. If you want more than just friendship with him, then you are going to have to be honest with him and tell him that. It's not fair on either of you if you hang around waiting for him to change his mind. What happens if he meets someone soon that he does feel more for? Would you be able to handle that?

heretothere

I think you should cut ties, how would you feel watching him with someone else? While he is being honest is he just using you as a bit of a 'stop gap' as in it's nice to have someone to text whilst things are a bit quiet in his love life.

LolaJJ

Depends on whether or not you are going to get emotionally invested in this person...and if you actually want to meet someone to have a relationship with, is this person going to stand in your way?

My experience of functional friendships and relationships is that you don't really need to question where you are at in the beginning, middle or ever.

I'd move on, but I hate drama.....some people like the whole life-tornado thing

LegacyUser

We met yesterday it felt weird though. I miss being us when we were seeing each other. I think I should be honest with him tell him there is feelings there still for me and that I don’t want to be hurt. I don’t think he would hurt me on purpose. It’s just confusing as he still is very active with being in touch wanting us to meet up but at the same time telling me he’s not into it. I agree with all your comments and thank you for your advice so far

LegacyUser

He has also said he is still attracted to me but feels there's something missing. Plus got the "its not you its me"

LegacyUser

You’re asking for trouble OP. It’s time to show this male friend the road if you have any romantic feelings for him. Being in a one sided ‘relationship’ will eventually erode your sense of self worth. He will keep telling you he doesn’t fancy you but he won’t want to see you with someone new.

I developed feelings for a friend and I told him. I don’t regret telling him but I believe that he used it against me. He liked the attention I lavished on him. I always understood he didn’t fancy me because he seemed to take a perverse pleasure in telling me. However I feel he deliberately toyed with my emotions by sending mixed messages. He would become very attentive when I had an opportunity to get close to other guys. In the end I had to cut ties before he destroyed my self esteem completely. Having spent a year away from him I realise that I did love him (very deeply) but only as a friend. I cared for him far too much, like he was a member of my family.

I have been in a relationship for the last six months, it’s early days yet but it feels fcuking fantastic to to be loved and lusted after. Don’t settle for second best, you deserve better.

Rosepetals85

I think he is putting you on the back burner in case someone else doesn’t come along. Him saying he finds you attractive yet there is no chemistry ??
He is weighing up his options, giving him a free card to be with whoever he wants and if nothing comes from that, he still has you waiting for him on the side line. Blowing hot and cold with you. I’d walk away and find someone that wants to be with you in every aspect of the word.

the_pen_turner

Maybe he is afraid of getting hurt. Or thinks things are too serious too quick.
Maybe your his first girlfriend after a bad break up

All sorts of reasons that don't mean you should run away.
Be friends for a while and see where it goes

Emme

It sounds like he wants to keep you around until something better (in his mind) turns up. Lots of guys do this.

Don't let him use you and waste your time. Tell him that if there's no chemistry between you it's better to make a clean break. And make a clean break with him.

LegacyUser

the_pen_turner wrote: »

Maybe he is afraid of getting hurt. Or thinks things are too serious too quick.
Maybe your his first girlfriend after a bad break up

All sorts of reasons that don't mean you should run away.
Be friends for a while and see where it goes

Don't follow this advice, OP. You can't be friends with him when you want more - you're going to be letting yourself in for a world of hurt. He could very well have lots of reasons why he doesn't want to be with you, but the fact of the matter is that he doesn't want to be with you! And you do want more with him. So you can hang about chasing breadcrumbs and suffer more when he starts dating someone else, someone he wants to be with. Or, you can make a clean break now and save yourself a lot of pain.

the_pen_turner

Nono18 wrote: »

Don't follow this advice, OP. You can't be friends with him when you want more - you're going to be letting yourself in for a world of hurt. He could very well have lots of reasons why he doesn't want to be with you, but the fact of the matter is that he doesn't want to be with you! And you do want more with him. So you can hang about chasing breadcrumbs and suffer more when he starts dating someone else, someone he wants to be with. Or, you can make a clean break now and save yourself a lot of pain.

its a wonder there is anyone in a relationship with the kind of advice you get in this forum section. it always seems to be to run.

im not saying stay lusting after him for the next year or two.

they are only together a short while. wait it out for another month or two and see . what have you got to lose.

LegacyUser

the_pen_turner wrote: »

its a wonder there is anyone in a relationship with the kind of advice you get in this forum section. it always seems to be to run.

im not saying stay lusting after him for the next year or two.

they are only together a short while. wait it out for another month or two and see . what have you got to lose.

What relationship is the OP in exactly?? He's told her he doesn't feel any spark. He's not feeling any chemistry. She'll only be prolonging the inevitable by hanging on to see if he changes his mind. It's really not fair to her. If she didn't want more and was happy to be friends then that would be different - she wouldn't have started a thread on this site, there wouldn't have been a need to.

She wants more. He doesn't. So her only option really is to walk away. It was only an early stages relationship anyway so best for her to make the clean break now and be done with it.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for the advice.

I think its time to walk away..I've been feeling really sh*tty the last few days. Its up to me to take control though. He has been honest with me.

Its annoying because he keeps making plans with me and every time he cancels last minute. That's just toying with me..next time i will be washing my hair i think

dudara

@professore - I’ve deleted your post as it did not contain any specific help, but was rather a generalisation about men & women. Please read the forum charter before posting again

dudara

Johnwayne98

SMX36 wrote: »

Hi guys,
Looking for some advice on what to do about a guy I was seeing for a few weeks. He was great and very attentive for the first few weeks but then I got the feeling things were turning a bit cold so i confronted him. He said that he liked me…like a lot but felt like there was something missing. That we lacked in chemistry. I was disappointed but accepted this and told him that it’s been great. He asked me then if I till wanted to see him and hang out, when I questioned this he said because he really likes me. We’ve hung out twice and not in a friends with benefits way just friends. Hes still texting and calling/checking in with me.. Part of me is thinking if we hang out and spend time together maybe something more will grow again. I do like him a lot. Am I mad ? should I just cut ties..we do get on a lot but am I heading for heartache maybe still seeing him etc..

I think you need to have a physical connection as well within the relationship, you're not going out with him, simply to be friends.
Don't get me wrong-you don't need to rush in to the physical aspect of it either.