Mean former work colleague

FedupFreda

Ok. So im in a group of 8 ladies who used to work together and arrange to meet up every so often to catch up. Obviously all 8 cant always manage to go whenever a date is set so the majority rules where dates are confirmed. We have a watsapp group and ive just noticed somethimg lately.One of the ladies ive found has become very mean when i reply or post anything. When we meet up its all hugs and kisses but she doesnt seem to be as mean on social media to ANY of the other ladies. To my knowledge ive never done or said anything nor would i to justify these mean comments. I thought maybe i was being over sensitive until two of the other ladies contacted me to say they had noticed this. She has been going through a bad patch at home lately so ive never mentioned to anyone or replied either to her posts but we are due to meet up next month and i really hope she doesnt go. Looking back i do believe when shes not there i enjoy myself more dont seem to worry about upsettimg her. I never realised this before. But we are in this group so everyone is always asked on dates.
Im usually a bubbly fun person and i would never insult anyone so im at a loss what to do. If the other ladies have now noticed this should i say nothing and let her run out of steam when she gets no backing from the others...which she wont. . One of the ladies mentioned that she could be jealous of me.....?

Big Bag of Chips

It's possible she's jealous of you. It's also possible she just doesn't like you for whatever reason and is letting her guard down around you. I'm curious why you haven't stood up for yourself with her though. She's a grown adult, and yes, she might be having a bad time at home but that doesn't give her a free pass to have a go at you. You can continue to ignore what she says, and it will continue. Or you can draw attention to it and ask her what's going on.

You admit yourself that you have a better time when she hasn't been around to meet up. Maybe you two just don't get on as well as others in the group. In a group of 8 there's bound to be people who don't gel as well as the others. Your options are ask her what's going on. Or ignore her and let it continue.

anewme

Next time she replies something nasty, just reply, , what do you mean by that? You could either reply personally, or in the group.


You could reply privately and ask her what she meant and make it clear it's not to continue.

If she replied to me in the group, I'd make my first reply in the group, to let her know you are picking her up on it, then take it offline, for example first snide comment I'd say, oh, can we talk privately about this, that's also letting the others know you are not her whipping girl.

We all have our problems but you are not there to be kicked when she's having a bad day.

Wouldn't be bothered either coming up with reasons, as in she couldbe jealous, that's only pandering to her.

The longer you let it go on, the longer it will continue.

FedupFreda

Yeah good advice. Ill wait for her next snipe online and ask what she means so everyone can see then take it offline.
Im not going to put up with her behaviour anymore.
I was just checking myself out in case i was making a mountain out of a molehill.
But since two of the others have mentioned it to me i know now that im not.

rainbowtrout

FedupFreda wrote: »

Yeah good advice. Ill wait for her next snipe online and ask what she means so everyone can see then take it offline.
Im not going to put up with her behaviour anymore.
I was just checking myself out in case i was making a mountain out of a molehill.
But since two of the others have mentioned it to me i know now that im not.

Definitely pull her up on it, otherwise it will continue.

Next time she takes a swipe at you in the group respond 'What do you mean by that Mary? You've made quite a few comments like that to me lately'

It will also let her know that her other comments haven't gone unnoticed.

bobsbookcase

I've seen this kind of thing before. It's tricky because these people can often pass off these snide remarks as jokes and then make you look crazy/hysterical in the group when you try to pull them up on it.

However in this case since its been said to you by 2 others I think you can safely assume most of the girls see she's behaving badly. You should pull her up on it publicly in the group next time it happens.