Just friends or paranoia justified?

igotissues

Your partner worked abroad 3 days out of 7 for 2 years. They became friends with a small group of people.
They kept in touch with a person of the opposite gender..
Subsequently you break up after a long relationship involving kids. For various reasons, you are still living together.
The person comes over for a weekend of work.
Your ex partner insists nothing is going on. You're not overly bothered at first, seeing as you are apart. But they start lying about stupid stuff which makes it seem suspicious.
You end up hurt because it's quite soon after the break up and maybe there are still feelings there.

Paranoia or platonic?
- arrival day: they bring the person for a tour around Dublin showing them all the sights
- Day 2: they get a take away together. The co worker is staying with a relative of ours. Ex partner insists they got it locally to relatives house and ate it the relatives. The receipt they leave on the counter shows they got it 2 mins from our house (10 km tri0p in wrong direction from work). They insist they drove back down to rellies house to eat it i.e. pointless 20km round trip.
- they arrive home with cake they say relative bought for me. I thank relative who says they didn't buy it.
Day 3: I invite them both to dinner. On dropping co worker back to relatives there is a missing 30 mins. Ex partner seems horny when returns and makes a pass. We haven't had sex in a year.
Day 4: 2 missing hours. Apparently traffic was bad. On a Sunday.
They go to the movies together.
Day 5: they are going sightseeing today. I asked co worker the plans for today at dinner last night and was told s/he was meeting another co worker. Ex partner seems surprised at this news.
Ex partner has taken a bank holiday off to spend with co worker.
Day 6: ex partner calls into work to take another day off so he can drive co worker to airport.

Am I being paranoid or is there something going on. Vehemently denied anything. The co worker is a very nice person and I don't blame them at all. I do think it was rude to bring them into this mess and introduce them to our kids etc. At this stage.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

Yes.

Appropriate username.

Scott Tenorman

EX-PARTNER.

If they want to pursue a relationship with the co-worker then so be it.
Maybe they are trying to spare your feelings by keeping it secret (making a sh*t job of it though)

DontThankMe

After hours is not the best place to ask that question OP.

KathleenGrant

If you are separated then surely your partner is entitled to pursue a relationship.

igotissues

KathleenGrant wrote: »

If you are separated then surely your partner is entitled to pursue a relationship.

Exactly. So why lie and make it hurtful? Just come out and say it.

It's not the relationship I have an issue with per se ( although it does sting a bit). It's the denial of one and making me out to be a paranoid person.
These actions above speak to me of a relationship but insistent just friends.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

igotissues wrote: »

Exactly. So why lie and make it hurtful? Just come out and say it.

Ex. Ex.

You're not part of it. Let it go. Stop looking for things that may not be there. It's none of your business nor your concern, so why analysis the living daylights out of everything looking for something to be hurt about?

Frunchy

OP, would you prefer if they started fu.cking on your kitchen table?

KathleenGrant

igotissues wrote: »

Exactly. So why lie and make it hurtful? Just come out and say it.

It's not the relationship I have an issue with per se ( although it does sting a bit). It's the denial of one and making me out to be a paranoid person.
These actions above speak to me of a relationship but insistent just friends.

But maybe denial is the truth. Look, you said your husband made a pass and seemed horny. He hasn't had sex in a year. Of course he is horny. And if he was making a pass at you he wasn't after having sex with her.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

They are so roidin’.

Soz OP.

Zorya

Ex partner. If ye could at all possibly manage not to live together it would be much, much better for you.

On the bright side with your fine-honed ability to monitor distances travelled, times spent and/or ill-accounted for, receipts recovered and examined, follow up of witness statements and evidence discrepanices, interrogation and dogged questioning of motivation etc. you should get some lucrative work either as a PI or at least writing detective drama scripts.

My brain would just be fried in 10 minutes even thinking about such things.

MiliMe

It's understandable that you'd be put out by the whole situation.
You and your ex still living together is going to make either of you moving on with somebody else very difficult for both parties.
But really, it's your ex, they can do whatever and see whoever they wants... as you can.
As another poster pointed out, it may be that they are trying to spare your feelings with the lies.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Kind of - the fact that you are even asking the question in the first place indicates that yes, you are a little insecure (don't know if paranoid is the right word) about the idea of your ex seeing someone else.

That said, your relationship HAS ended and both parties have the right to see other people. You shouldn't be asking and, to be honest, they shouldn't be answering.

You sound like you're on reasonably good terms with your ex - I'd try to keep it that way, especially if there are kids involved.

Buford T. Justice XIX

Mod Note: I'll close this thread for a little bit while moving it to personal issues. Please note the change in forum and forum rules before posting.


Thanks in advance,


Buford T. Justice