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Homeless friend

  • 22-10-2018 3:45pm
    #1
    Helpafriend
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2 ✭


    A friend has recently became homeless due to issues with his family.
    He is currently staying in hostel accommodation and in a really bad place mentally.
    He has mental health issues as well has physical health problems both of which have led to this, he can't work and has pretty much no family or friends left. Not through his own fault, he's a great guy but over the years the number of friends have dwindled due to his problems.
    He doesn't drink or do drugs.

    How can I help him? Coming to stay with me isn't really an option as I have a family and my wife is a childminder in our home. I have given him money towards accommodation and can so again but obviously this isn't a long term solution.

    I feel like he is at breaking point and it's all heading one way. I've encouraged him to reach out to Pieta house and other charities but he's reluctant.

    I feel so guilty but am unsure of how to help.

    Thanks in advance for any suggestions


Comments

  • #2
    wiggle16
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 3,022 Mod ✭✭✭✭wiggle16


    Hi OP

    The only advice I have for you is to keep up the encouragement to contact Pieta House. It goes without saying, if he is suicidal then that needs to be addressed first. Nothing else will come right until that is being dealt with.

    Obviously it's up to you with regards how involved you want to get, and how involved he will allow you to get, but do you think if you offered to accompany him to Pieta that it might help?

    One of my best friends attempted suicide last year, we eventually managed to get him to attend Pieta House, he didn't have a bad word to say about them afterwards and thankfully is much better now. But he would not have gone if we had not kept up the pressure and I don't like to think about what might have happened if we had accepted his "no, I'm fine now" at face value, when we knew he wasn't.

    Taking him in can only ever be a short term solution and I don't think you can be blamed for being reluctant, especially if you have young kids and he has mental health issues - if he is in accommodation at the moment I would focus on trying to help him to keep his place there secure for the interim.

    The Simon Community do great work, if you haven't been in touch with them already I would encourage you to do so. I'm sorry I haven't got much practical advice for you, but the reality is that you cannot take the steps he needs to take, all you can do is support your friend while he solves this.

    Best of luck and I hope things improve for him soon x


  • #3
    Helpafriend
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2 ✭Helpafriend


    Thanks for the reply.

    I have told him I'll bring him to Pieta and can organise anything he needs with regards to it so hopefully he will.
    He seen a doctor this week who is trying to get the HSE involved so hopefully something comes of that.

    Will give Simon Community a call tomorrow to see what they suggest.


    Thanks for the reply!


  • #4
    joeguevara
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,233 ✭✭✭joeguevara


    I have a friend (best mate who I would do anything for but because of the following me and our other two mates have just realised is a cocaine addict) who will basically be in the same position in the next 2 days. He has done a runner on Thursday telling his mother (who he lives with) that he is meeting his friend. He hasn’t contacted any of us. I met his mother tonight who has bagged up all of us things and asked me to take them or she has no option to dump them.

    I met his dealer who told me he owes 10k. Thank god he owes me a few favors and has agreed to halve it and allowed a payment plan over the next 12 months. He also agreed that he wouldn’t deal to him again nor anyone else (to the best of his ability) in Dublin.

    So, the three best friends met up tonight to discuss. Even though he has basically ripped us for the last 2 years and we haven’t heard from him. We agreed that I would take him into my house. Now, I don’t have room but I sleep on the couch so my room is free. Our male best mate lives with his mother so he can’t take him in. Our female best mate has two kids (single mother) so we don’t want him staying there.

    Now the point to my post and relevance to OP. We believe that he needs to know that whatever happened, it wasn’t his fault and we will always be there for him. We could throw money at the situation and send him to a shelter or put him up. But we agreed that is plugging a hole and not showing our love.


    We are not naive and we know that this could come back and hurt us but we are trying to make sure that he has the best chance to get better. Homelessness can’t be fixed by pushing it away. If you can help please try.


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