Dealing with a breakup

Pro6978

Hi, I just wanted to vent and maybe get some advice on how to deal with a current breakup.

I met this great guy online back in January. We hit it off instantly. We text all the time, went on great dates, met his family, everything. I’d dated casually in the past but never fell for someone so hard before and never really felt love before. I’ve also never really been in a long-ish term relationship. He expressed the same to me that he’s never felt he clicked so well with someone before either. In May unfortunately I found out that I would have to leave the country towards the end of this year due to my visa not being able to be extended or renewed. I was devastated. I talked with him about this and he said don’t worry, I still want to date and we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it and we continued on

A couple of months ago I mentioned that I was booking flights and finalizing dates for leaving the country. We had another talk about our future and agreed that long distance wouldn’t work for either of us. It would be too hard to deal with but we would continue on as usual before I left and remain as friends. Looking back now I realize he had been distancing himself as the sex became less frequent and a few other things. He expressed to me shortly after that he realized he’d been less romantic lately and it was because he was trying to protect himself. However there were also times after that where he initiated really passionate sex so that was a bit confusing to me.

Last week we decided to take a mini break away together for a few days. While away I noticed that he was looking at a profile on a well known hookup app on his phone. It popped up accidentally and he didn’t mean to show me, and thought I didn’t notice. I said nothing. On the way back from the trip I saw him messaging someone on the app. While the app can be used just for chatting, most people know it for hooking up. I was crushed. I realize that he had every right to start moving on as there was no future for the relationship right now, it still hurt really bad.

After I got home I sent him a message explaining everything. It brought doubts into my mind for the last few months regarding his faithfulness. As the sex had been less frequent, I feared he was hooking up with others at that time, and had concerns even for my own sexual health. He assured me nothing was going on, apologized and that he was only on the app to message others so that he wouldn’t rely on me so much, as he was afraid of losing that contact with me once I left. He said that right now the chance of us being in a romantic relationship once I leave is very low. He sees me more as a close friend right now than a lover.

I accepted his apology and agreed it’s best to move forward as friends right now. But the thought of not having the chance of getting back together is really hurting me. I really saw long term potential in the relationship but I feel it’s been cut short. I do have plans to return in a year or so but I’m afraid he’ll have moved on by then. I’ve looked at his profile on the app and it really got to me, which I know I shouldn’t have but curiousity and the need to know for the better of me. Of course he’s still on it which he has every right to be.

We’re still in contact and have plans to meet up a few times before I leave which I don’t know if it’s the best idea or not, but I don’t want to feel like I’m ending things with just a text explaining things. I’d like to sit down with him and say a proper goodbye.

Thank you if you’ve read all of this, my head is just in a mess and I don’t know how to deal with this as it’s all new to me. If anyone has any advice they could share that would be really appreciated!

Thanks

LegacyUser

He wasn't even waiting until you were gone before he got to work on replacing you. Not sure I'd be bothered meeting up with someone who did that and I wouldn't spend too long getting over them either.

Arrival

Guessed wrote: »

He wasn't even waiting until you were gone before he got to work on replacing you. Not sure I'd be bothered meeting up with someone who did that and I wouldn't spend too long getting over them either.

Strong this. Where's you dignity, pride and self respect, OP? You'll meet up with him before leaving and then what? You'll just increase the pain. Do not meet his person again, start your process of moving on, he already has.