Is it a turn off for girls if I'm a student at 31?

JackieChang

Recently quit my job to upskill and do a one year diploma. I have a very healthy savings account so I'm still living just as if I had a job. Not a poverty stricken student at all. Have a car, still go on holidays abroad etc.

Anyway, I have success "matching" with girls on the popular dating apps but they seem to get cold during the chat when I mention I've taken a year out to study. I might get a comment like "you're a student right now???" Yes with the three question marks. Then it fizzles out.

What do you think?

LegacyUser

JackieChang wrote: »

they seem to get cold during the chat when I mention I've taken a year out to study. I might get a comment like "you're a student right now???" Yes with the three question marks. Then it fizzles out.

What do you think?

Great, saves you a lot of time! Anyone put off by this is not worth the effort, so don't sweat it. Anyway, that's dating apps, people just find easy excuses to make their exit, they'll do it to you and dozens more the same day. Also, you're a student now, that opens some social doors for you, so maybe look at them rather than just online dating.

Jasper_

In a similar situation myself and I have noticed a loss of attraction when giving this info also.

I guess at our age most women are looking for the finished article. They want the man to have a solid career with a 5 series parked outside the half paid off house. Someone that fully has their life together to settle down with. I guess if you're still in education this is an indicator that this is not the case and they lose attraction.

Ursus Horribilis

Maybe it's an effective way of filtering out certain types of women? I wouldn't be turned off at all. I admire people who go back to college later in life because it's much harder. I'd be less interested if it was someone who'd managed to spin out their college career to the age of 30 without ever really working.

arainagusime

I'm a 31 yo female who will be in college again next year and I actually prefer men who have more education. Better conversations and they seem ambitious. I think very long term though. If I just wanted a man to pay for a fancy dinner then of course a student isn't going to cut it.

Mr. Incognito

arainagusime wrote: »

I'm a 31 yo female who will be in college again next year and I actually prefer men who have more education. Better conversations and they seem ambitious. I think very long term though. If I just wanted a man to pay for a fancy dinner then of course a student isn't going to cut it.

This actually hits the nail on the head.

It filters to wasters who are just looking for a free meal and you to spend money on them.

baby and crumble

A lot of people hear "student" and assume you're someone who hasn't got any money and still has no idea of what they want to do at 30. Taking a year out to upskill and presumably drastically improve their prospects is a very different proposition, as Ursus said, than someone who's been drifting aimlessly since school.

I'm not on the dating scene but currently both my wife and i are studying as well as working. I'm really proud of us managing it, to be honest, and like a previous poster said I'd use it as a way to weed out women who aren't necessarily interested in someone improving themselves and working on their interests constantly.

GingerLily

Jasper_ wrote: »

In a similar situation myself and I have noticed a loss of attraction when giving this info also.

I guess at our age most women are looking for the finished article. They want the man to have a solid career with a 5 series parked outside the half paid off house. Someone that fully has their life together to settle down with. I guess if you're still in education this is an indicator that this is not the case and they lose attraction.

I don't know any women that expects a 31 year old man to have a house half paid off and a BMW 5 series.
I think you're going after a certain type of women who's only interested in a certain type of man.

JackieChang

OP here. I'll keep trying anyway. But I need to find a way to let them know I'm not eating koka noodles for dinner.

It looks like I may have to be a celibate monk until next may. Kinda regretting my decision.. the job I left was a serious "chick magnet" as they say. I worked with cute animals. Feck it!

GingerLily

JackieChang wrote: »

OP here. I'll keep trying anyway. But I need to find a way to let them know I'm not eating koka noodles for dinner.

It looks like I may have to be a celibate monk until next may. Kinda regretting my decision.. the job I left was a serious "chick magnet" as they say. I worked with cute animals. Feck it!

Maybe mention your profession/area of work first and then say your taking a year to upskill in full time education

SusieBlue

OP, how exactly are you explaining your current situation to these girls?
Because if you're just blankly stating you're starting college, I can see why that might be a turn off.

I wouldn't be too impressed if I got the impression that a man had just p*ssed away the previous 13 years of his life, with little to no direction, ambition, or experience in the work field.
Or the "eternal student" types, who never grow up, are still in college at the age of 40 and going out every Freshers week with no intention of ever getting a job and adulting.
If I thought a man was of either of the above type, I'd be completely turned off.

However, a man who was so ambitious and dedicated to bettering his career that he took a year out of the workforce to focus on furthering his education and upskilling?
And who had the smarts to maintain a healthy enough savings account that he can live comfortably while doing that? That's extremely attractive.

There's a massive difference between those two scenarios and it seems the women you are speaking to are under the impression you are falling into the first group. Maybe take a look at how you're explaining the situation.

JackieChang

SusieBlue wrote: »

OP, how exactly are you explaining your current situation to these girls?
Because if you're just blankly stating you're starting college, I can see why that might be a turn off.

As usual it begins with the question "so what do you do?"

And I just say what I do, simple as that. I should talk about my previous job I guess.

baby and crumble

JackieChang wrote: »

As usual it begins with the question "so what do you do?"

And I just say what I do, simple as that. I should talk about my previous job I guess.

Not necessarily, but saying "I actually just started a one year postgrad that I'm really excited about, I've taken the year off work to really get stuck in" is better than "I'm a student".

osarusan

JackieChang wrote: »

As usual it begins with the question "so what do you do?"

And I just say what I do, simple as that. I should talk about my previous job I guess.

"I'm a (insert job here). Been doing that for (X number of) years. Actually at the moment I'm back in university getting a diploma so I can upskill."

zapper55

And the simple answer is I've gone back to college to become X.

If you have women turning up their nose at that then its better to know now. Do you go for very high maintenance women that expect to have everything paid for? Most of us don't have that expectation.

SusieBlue

zapper55 wrote: »

And the simple answer is I've gone back to college to become X.

If you have women turning up their nose at that then its better to know now. Do you go for very high maintenance women that expect to have everything paid for? Most of us don't have that expectation.

That's really unfair. Clearly the way OP is presenting the information to women is the problem.
Because he isn't explaining his work history & his upskilling, you can't blame women for jumping to conclusions that he may be a waster or an eternal student. Sorry but its the truth.
I know its wrong to presume, but with dating apps you need to put your best foot forward. Giving a half story isn't putting your best foot forward.

If I asked someone what they did for a living and they answered simply stating they were in college, I'd lose interest.
I'm not high maintenance nor do I want everything paid for me.
I just expect a man to be ambitious with a good work ethic, and a blank statement such as "I'm in college at the moment" leaves a lot to the imagination.

I guarantee OP will have a lot more positive responses if he replies akin to what PP's have suggested.

milli milli

I think it depends on what type of women you are into.
Personally I would be interested in a man going back to college at 31. To me that would probably mean the person was passionate about something, which is a big thing for me.
I’m not a materialistic or planning type of person. Some women would like a man to have his ducks in a row probably in regards to raising a family in the future.
But not all women think like this.
I went back to college at 30 and am doing allright for myself. I don’t plan but I’d never call myself a waster either.
We are all entitled to live how we want and I think in your case, you are probably filtering out people - although it depends again on what kind of women you want?

woodchuck

@SterlingArcher - post deleted as it does not meet the posting standards for PI. Please read the forum charter before posting again.

Daisybelly

If it is a turn off for some girls that is their problem in my opinion. Personally I admire a person who challenges themselves. Life is for learning and self improvement is an admirable quality. I still regularly do courses/workshops albeit in full time employment but if a year out works for you I wish you the best of luck.

Fozzydog3

I met my Girlfriend when I was doing my Leaving Cert at 23 !

It really filled me with dread having to have that conversation but in the end I got stuck with a very open minded lass, 3 years on she's started her career and I'm working away in a semi respectable job and we still couldn't be happier.

At the end of the day you're sacrificing short term fun for long term stability so any potential parter worth their salt should see that.

You'll get less dates but you'll also save yourself a lot of time aswell filtering out the chaff.

forgodssake

It won't matter to the right person what your doing at the moment . Even if you were only starting college for first time and never had a job it shouldn't matter ...your doing something your making something of yourself . Anyone who turns their nose up at you because your in college at 31 isn't worth having in your life .

Jimmy Bottlehead

I'm 32 and have just started a doctorate, after completing a Certificate, H. Dip, and Masters in the last four years OP.

I left a very promising and lucrative career to chase one I love and have immense passion for. I don't doubt it has impacted on my dating through the years, but I don't lament the loss of a woman who focused more on my current financial situation than the long term prospect of a happy and well paid partner.

And of the women I have dated, I've found them to have great admiration for this change. Similarly, I dated a woman who left behind her own successful real estate career to become an author and I could not have had more respect for admiration for her and her choice.

Keep chasing the best version of yourself, and you'll attract someone who compliments and respects that.

meeeeh

JackieChang wrote: »

It looks like I may have to be a celibate monk until next may. Kinda regretting my decision.. the job I left was a serious "chick magnet" as they say. I worked with cute animals. Feck it!

Someone taking a year break to upskil has potential. Someone regretting taking out a year to upskil because he is not a chick magnet anymore and doesn't work with cute animals anymore would be bottom of the dating pile for me. Are you sure you being a student is the problem?

Always Tired

you realize there will be plenty of mature students at the college, right? they're hardly going to judge you for being a student at 31.

i went back at 28, only got my undergrad finished at 31. i look younger than i am but those college years i never had any issues meeting women. sometimes they were a little younger like early 20s but it was grand.

miss them days, actually...

Rubberchikken

Op
Begin with your previous job. Cute animals are always a bonus:)

Then explain the year off to further your education//future prospects.
Anyone who doesnt accept thst isnt worth it.

Good luck

.......

I totally misread the cute animals comment and thought he was talking about the women he worked with!!

Anyway.....yes, some people will be put off. Others will be interested. Such is life.

Id probably be jealous that you could afford to take a year out for education so maybe use something like, "Im lucky enough to be able to fund a year out upskilling which will improve my future career prospects when I return to the workplace, I do miss the cute animals though".

Seriously, why would you regret taking a year out to better yourself? If its just for tinder hook ups then lie, or dont mention the year out.

meeeeh

It seems I misrepresented cute animals comment. Apologies for that. However my point still stands, if you are questioning your decision because you are less of a chick magnet for a year there might be other issues.