Struggling with dating.

Red Lightning

I'm a 24 year old male (25 in a few weeks) and I have really struggled with dating.

Ever since I was about 12, I've always been interested in having a girlfriend. Was never really interested in casual stuff. I like the idea of spending time with a woman I care about and doing things, going places and just having a laugh etc.

However, I've never actually had a gf before. Over the years, I've went on a good few dates but not one was with a girl that I was really excited about. There were plenty of girls that I really liked and wanted to go out with but they always were either in a relationship or turned me down.

Recently, I really started to like this girl I got to know but I wasnt getting a romantic vibe back from her so I decided to leave it as I didn't want to make things awkward between us. I found out a few weeks back that she started seeing someone. This was a massive kick in the stomach. It really brought me down. Now I live over two hours from her and mainly spoke online and she is extremely beautiful so I can understand why she didn't give much thought to me cos she has her pick of guys nearby (her new bf actually works with her). I've muted her on all social media so I don't have to see her all loved up with someone else.

Anyway, I've been on tinder and have spoken to a few different girls and we've swapped numbers etc and some wud be interested in meeting. Now I find that nearly every girl I meet on tinder is so genuine and so nice but any woman I seem to attract don't give me that spark that the select few in the past have given me.

I know some things develop as time goes on but in my past experiences it never does.

It can get me down how often the women I've really liked have literally NEVER reciprocated those feelings. I worry I'm too picky at times but I don't think I should settle for anyone when I know that there are women that get my heart racing out there (and I don't mean just looks)
I also realise that it sounds like I'm going for women I know I can't have but I wud be over the moon if some of said women were to message me to ask me out.

I live in a rural part of Ireland so nowhere near the big cities, therefore my social life isn't great which doesn't help. I work with children so don't interact with many women my own age daily. I don't drink so the nightclub scene is tough.
I've started getting into the gym and am getting into shape which will help improve my confidence which cud also be lacking.

I don't know what I'm expecting from this but it helps to get out at least. I do sometimes worry about my lack of success in this area and if it will continue.

I'd appreciate any opinions.

Thanks

mj123

Your confidence IS lacking that’s what is the main issue here your lack of self esteem. I mean well when I say you need to work on yourself first before dating. You need to love yourself before anyone else can and it screams out to me in your thread that you have a very negative view of yourself. You are very young and I know you want a gf we all want someone. You will find someone but when you do you need to be the person you want them to love. You need to take a break from dating stop stressing about not feeling anything, you will feel it when it’s right. You need to work on your self worth first pet before you go any further. Trust me it will happen when it’s meant to happen. Just relax

Red Lightning

mj123 wrote:

Your confidence IS lacking that’s what is the main issue here your lack of self esteem. I mean well when I say you need to work on yourself first before dating. You need to love yourself before anyone else can and it screams out to me in your thread that you have a very negative view of yourself. You are very young and I know you want a gf we all want someone. You will find someone but when you do you need to be the person you want them to love. You need to take a break from dating stop stressing about not feeling anything, you will feel it when it’s right. You need to work on your self worth first pet before you go any further. Trust me it will happen when it’s meant to happen. Just relax

Thank you for the reply. Much appreciated. I've heard that before but how do I do it?

mj123

There is no quick way of doing it it takes time. I have been where you are and I suppose how I managed it was I became comfortable with myself and got to know myself first. It sounds silly but I spent time with myself and my friends and took a break from dating. Dating can be cruel and you need a certain level of resilience to be able to bounce back if things don’t work out. I guess I just focused on my own hobbies, developing my strengths, spent time with my friends and developed my social skills and confidence by doing so, I went back to college and that helped also. Not saying you have to do all those things but you also need to stop stressing about finding someone and the spark. It will happen when it happens and what you say or do or dont day or do will have no effect on that. Just enjoy dating enjoy their company and getting to know them. Keep in the back of your mind this might not work but it’s ok because I’m still getting to know someone and developing myself in the process.

Red Lightning

mj123 wrote:

There is no quick way of doing it it takes time. I have been where you are and I suppose how I managed it was I became comfortable with myself and got to know myself first. It sounds silly but I spent time with myself and my friends and took a break from dating. Dating can be cruel and you need a certain level of resilience to be able to bounce back if things don’t work out. I guess I just focused on my own hobbies, developing my strengths, spent time with my friends and developed my social skills and confidence by doing so, I went back to college and that helped also. Not saying you have to do all those things but you also need to stop stressing about finding someone and the spark. It will happen when it happens and what you say or do or dont day or do will have no effect on that. Just enjoy dating enjoy their company and getting to know them. Keep in the back of your mind this might not work but it’s ok because I’m still getting to know someone and developing myself in the process.

Thanks for the advice. I'll work on it.