I'm a bigot

LoughNeagh2017

I feel as though I have no control over my bigotry, like it is subconscious, for example I have been searching for a personal trainer and the first thing I look for is that he is of my heritage and not an Ulster unionist because I wouldn't feel comfortable alongside one, you could say I am within my rights to pay who I choose to but some may say I am wrong for doing so.

Smegging hell

Neither community in the 6 counties is an homogeneous block, I suppose.

Susan McKay's 'Northern Protestants: an unsettled people' is an interesting read: some of those from Protestant backgrounds she interviewed were very bitter and hardline, others had little or no interest in politics, the conflict, events like Drumcree.

Also, how are you assessing people's 'heritage' without asking them outright? There are many Catholics with plantation surnames, and there are certainly Ulster Protestants with 'Catholic' surnames like Kelly, Madden, Murphy.

never_mind

OP, I think it’s quite healthy to be aware that you have bigoted opinions, we all to do some degree. It is unrealistic to expect anyone not to notice the differences between us. However, what you’re doing is subconsciously acting on it. You should ask yourself what the actual issue is - what the danger is - and to realise that they are unfounded and unfair. Think about how Americans treated us when we first went to the US...

MissShihTzu

Wasn't Mrs Foster's maiden name Kelly? That's a case in point. You cannot tell someone's religion from the surname alone.

Leave your misconceptions at the door and find someone who you like and can do the job! Perceived religion should not come into it.

HappyAsLarE

Racism and xenophobia are instinctive traits of our human species. Traits are selected naturally as our species evolve.

Back when we lived in much smaller groups (less than 150), it was very beneficial to be racist or hateful towards another tribe that looked different or acted different. They could be carriers of disease that your own tribe’s immune systems have no defence for. Or they could simply have different cultural ways that would put your tribe in danger.

It is absolutely normal for you to instinctively feel a dislike or otherwise towards people that are different to you.

Understanding and accepting the above may help you moving forward.

lurker2000

You can choose who you want to pay your money to and acknowledging the choice is racist is fine but the very seed of the trouble in NI has been the non association of each side of the divide with each other. The fear of the stranger who does not hold the same values as you may dissipate once you get to know them. What sort of a future do your kids have with moving forward if you imbue them with the same attitude. The same sorry merry-go-round that's caused death and destruction. Its well past the time to look for the what you actually have in common with each other rather that with us south of the border or those in Britain.

leggo

While it is a good thing that you've identified this in yourself and identified it as an issue, I don't know if just accepting it is a solution. Yes, it is an intrinsic part of human nature to at least notice and wonder about differences between us, but to act on it and let it negatively affect your life in any way is a form of self-harm (before you even consider basic human empathy in that you could unknowingly offend/hurt others who don't deserve it). For example, harming your personal training needs by ruling out people on the basis of something that has nothing to do with personal training...who else suffers in that scenario but you, OP?

Ignorance and/or crippling insecurity usually comes hand-in-hand with bigotry in my experience. So, while you're in this period of reflection, open yourself up to discovering new horizons, appreciating that the things you discriminate against in people are beyond their control and try notice similarities or even aspects where these people are superior to you (for example, a Unionist PT is likely much healthier than you), to dispel any ingrained delusion that you're better than them because of how you were born.

If your bigotry comes from a place where you feel that people who don't do things 'your way' are lower than you, that is simply arrogance and (again) delusion. Try think of life in terms of nobody being a 'better' human than anyone else: we all have different attributes where we are strong and weak and all tend to balance out equal when all things are considered. You just prioritise certain things, but then again you could also be wrong, and if you were right about everything you'd probably be a happier person who wouldn't have discrimination form part of your self-esteem.

Don't take any of this as criticism, the above is true of all of us. Once again, it's a positive that you've identified this in yourself and could end up in you being a more happier, accepting person at the end of this arc in your life.

power pants

Lenny Murphy, uvf shankill butcher had a catholic name but was Protestant
Never know who you think you are categorizing incorrectly

5rtytry56

power pants wrote: »

Lenny Murphy, uvf shankill butcher had a catholic name but was Protestant
Never know who you think you are categorizing incorrectly

Then don't forget Bobby Sands protestant surname.

Smegging hell

lurker2000 wrote: »

Its well past the time to look for the what you actually have in common with each other rather that with us south of the border or those in Britain.

As a southerner, I find that unhelpful and condescending towards the OP and other northerners.

In the context of Brexit, divisions between the south and the north are the exact opposite of what we should be encouraging at the moment!

Smegging hell

5rtytry56 wrote: »

Then don't forget Bobby Sands protestant surname.

Not to mention republican icons like Tone, Emmet, McCracken, Casement etc were all Protestants...

Ursus Horribilis

I can't claim to know a lot about the realities of living in Northern Ireland. But I can understand why people who have grown up there could find themselves harbouring similar thoughts to you. Especially if you live in certain areas and you've got bad memories about people from a unionist background. Many people have prejudices whether they want to admit them in public or not. Be it travellers, Muslims, people who support Donald Trump etc.

In what ways does your bigotry manifest itself, OP? As in, do you just live your life without much involvement with the other side? Or are you taking a more active part? More to the point, do you want to change in any way? Going by the wording of what you wrote, I'm not sure you do. If you wanted to, you could start trying to get to know individual unionists. Like hire a personal trainer with an obvious ulster unionist name and see how you get on. Take up a hobby or activity that'll involve people from outside your community

Tell me how

Actively seek out and engage with unionists to see that they are normal too but with different interests/opinions in some way.
Think you will come to realise that any differences in interests/opinions, will likely not affect your life or how you engage with these people unless either of you choose to make it so.

If you find yourself uncomfortable or tense in their company, just step back.

mikemac2

You will be the client and can fire the trainer at will if he’s making comments you don’t like.

But if he’s from another community and helps you get results then hey, you both win

The two of ye will be spending one to one time together. If the chap is from a unionist background you may make a friend here and at least get introduced to others he knows

Emme

Is this thread for real? :eek:

OP you want a personal trainer, not a spiritual/religious advisor. If you can't deal with a personal trainer having a different background to you perhaps you need to get some counselling over what may have happened in your past.

You are within your rights to pay for what you want but that should relate to the qualifications, experience and recommendations of the personal trainer, not his or her religious/tribal background. A professional trainer will not make sectarian comments or inappropriate comments of any kind.

If it matters to you that much put a notice up in your church seeking a personal trainer. However that is no guarantee because a fellow congregationist might recommend a very good personal trainer from outside your religious/tribal background.