Kind of worried I’ll never meet a nice lad

WhamBam7

This is going to sound so very melodramatic but I guess I’m just fed up of being single. I haven’t had a boyfriend since I was in 5th year. I’m about a month into my first year of college now. I used to enjoy shifting random lads on nights out but I’m so sick of it at this point. It seems like all the lads I meet only want the ride or are really desperate and scare me away. The nice ones all seem to be taken or gay. I haven’t a clue where I’m supposed to meet a nice guy I have things in common with that isn’t just after the ride or doesn’t come on too strong too soon. My social circle mostly consists of taken guys at the minute and my female friends are mostly single. It doesn’t help that my parents met in college too and they keep asking me if there’s “any nice fellas about?” or whatever. I should add that I’m a few pounds overweight, but I’m only 3 lbs off having a healthy BMI again, so perhaps that’s a contributing factor?

witchgirl26

OP - relax. College is for learning and having fun. It's great that your parents met there but it doesn't mean that you'll meet someone in college.

I get what you're saying about random lads or desperate ones - not the most fun. Honestly though there is more than likely nothing "wrong" with you (and probably not your weight at all so stop thinking that).

I was single for all of college and most of the years after wards apart from a few brief stints and honestly it was great in a lot of ways. Yeah course having someone is nice but think of it this way - you get to decide what you do and when without having to consult with someone else, you can choose the holidays you want to go on without having to compromise for their interests, you can go on mad nights out with your single friends.

You're only just in the door at college so please just enjoy that for what it is without worrying about lads overmuch.

Jay Pentatonic

I know it's easier said than done but try not stress over it OP.

Instead, enjoy being single during college and the freedom that comes with it. A lot of people would like to be in your shoes!

The right lad will turn up in your life in time. It doesn't have to be in college. Really, it just doesn't. So don't force it.

wiggle16

Hi OP. You are being a tad melodramatic if I'm honest.

You've been single since 5th year of school. You're now in college. That's what, a year and a half, let's say? That's no time at all. Plenty of people will have never even had a boyfriend/girlfriend while they were in school (I didnt!). You're a month into college. You've barely got to know anyone in that amount of time. Relax.

You will get to know a lot of people as you go through college, and that social circle you are in will not be static forever, trust me. You've said that all the guys in your circle are taken; if you're simply looking at lads solely with a view to their boyfriendibility, and not making an effort to get to know them apart from that, you are going to end up a very disappointed and frustrated lady indeed.

Join a club or society - you can get talking to people there about your shared interests rather than simply with a view to hooking up.

And no, you are not single because you are 3lbs over your BMI. That's nothing!

Relax and enjoy your time in college.

Xterminator

Hi Op

you find random hookups to be unsatisfying, yes? then stop them. dont expect a drunken hookup to become a great romance, it probably wont. You will have to start doing things differently if you want a different outcome.

the last poster suggested joining societies and clubs and meeting people with shared interests. Thats a great idea, because shared values and interests with make the initial friendship easy because you have things in common, and if friendship develops further it has a strong foundation.

Arrival

You've gotten some good advice in here so far however regarding the weight I'll provide some input. It's always best to be in the best physical shape you can be. This requires time and effort, there's no way around that. But it's worth it. You'll feel better mentally due to the chemicals it releases in your mind and knowing that your appearance is better you will also be more confident and comfortable in your skin. This absolutely, 100% helps attract more attention from potential partners and anyone who tries to deny this, tries to say otherwise, is fooling themselves and using delusional mental gymnastics to justify their unhealthy lifestyle/appearance.

DO NOT misconstrue what I am saying here just because it may seem harsh or hard to face uncomfortable truth. I am NOT saying you need to turn into a fitness nut with <5% body fat or some runway model. I am saying that if you simply do exercise for 45mins to an hour 3-4 times per week and watch what food you're eating and eat within your calorie limit you WILL lose weight and if you keep consistent with this you WILL feel better and better the more you progress. A good piece of advice to maintain motivation is to take a picture of your body as it is now and take another one in a months time, then another month after that. When you see the progress in those pictures you'll be so happy and proud you'll keep going and it'll be a habit by then.

Ursus Horribilis

witchgirl26 wrote: »

OP - relax. College is for learning and having fun. It's great that your parents met there but it doesn't mean that you'll meet someone in college.

Meeting your other half in college doesn't necessarily lead to a happy ever after. One of my college friends is now in the process of divorcing her college boyfriend and not before time. Quite a few other relationships from that time didn't last the distance either. A lot of people don't end up forever with the person they meet at 19 or 20 and quite rightly so. People change a lot in their late teens/early 20s and the person you were at 19 or 20 can be very different to the adult you become. That may mean that the person who was right for you at 20 is far from that in a few years time. I doubt very much your parents are hoping you'll be giving them a day out any time soon.

It's ironic that you're talking about desperate guys because you sound desperate yourself. Seriously you should calm down and stop fretting about whether you find a boyfriend or not. Why is that more important than making friends and having fun with them? I'm still in touch with some of my old college friends and it's not today or yesterday that I was a student. I can't remember when I last was in contact with the lad I dated in college. A lot of my best college memories involve my friends from that time and I wouldn't have it any other way. Why the rush to tie yourself down into coupledom and restricting yourself?

How about you concentrate on your studies and getting the best grades you can. And on spending time with your friends. Work on building up your social circle and on making friends with people of both sexes. You have plenty of time to meet guys. If it doesn't happen when you're at college, so be it. What's the worst that could happen?

WhamBam7

Thanks for your kind replies guys, I had meant to respond to this earlier. The day before I posted this, a guy I quite fancied told me he wanted sex and nothing more, so I felt quite upset.

Xterminator

Hi OP

i wouldn't be upset he wanted to have sex with you. At your age, the college scene its understandable that not everyone is looking for a long term relationship.

But i would say well done for knowing your own mind and not agreeing to a ONS in the near futile hope something develops from it. If you know what you want then go for it, & don't settle! Well handled.

Ursus Horribilis

At least this guy was honest and didn't lead you on.

You didn't say when your parents were in college but things were very different back in their day. There was no Tinder and less of a disposable dating culture. Until the mid 1990s, you couldn't buy condoms in a pub vending machine or the local supermarket. There was uproar when they started selling condoms in the Virgin Megastore that used to be on Aston Quay. In other words, you can't be comparing like with like. A lot of your peers want to sow their wild oats, not settle down.

Try to operate on the basis that if you meet a nice lad who's interested in you, great. If not, you're enjoying yourself anyway. You're still very young and have loads of time.

professore

Even though at the time I thought I really wanted one, in the end I was glad I never had a serious girlfriend in college. I look back with fondness at some of the weird and wonderful girls I met and had fun with. The people stuck in relationships had a really boring time. You have the rest of your life for that. 

This was in the time of the Virgin Megastore selling condoms, so it mostly wasn't about sex after meeting someone for 5 minutes - sex was a serious business that meant a good chance of an unwanted pregnancy.

Enjoy yourself - you are still young!

professore

Double post

zoobizoo

WhamBam7 wrote: »

It seems like all the lads I meet only want the ride or are really desperate and scare me away. The nice ones all seem to be taken or gay.

How about those lads you give those lads you think are desperate a chance?

You might find that they like you and are nervous / shy and come across as desperate but may possibly be the nice guy that you're after.

witchgirl26

WhamBam7 wrote: »

Thanks for your kind replies guys, I had meant to respond to this earlier. The day before I posted this, a guy I quite fancied told me he wanted sex and nothing more, so I felt quite upset.

OP I get why you'd be upset about that because you want more but at least he was up front about what he wants and didn't lead you on with anything else. While you might want more at the moment, he might be looking at the opposite of using college to just have fun rather than anything more committed.

skooterblue2

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

It's ironic that you're talking about desperate guys because you sound desperate yourself. Seriously you should calm down and stop fretting about whether you find a boyfriend or not. Why is that more important than making friends and having fun with them?
How about you concentrate on your studies and getting the best grades you can. And on spending time with your friends. Work on building up your social circle and on making friends with people of both sexes. You have plenty of time to meet guys. If it doesn't happen when you're at college, so be it. What's the worst that could happen?

Desperation has a smell, it is very unattractive and distinct. It suggest someone who is very insecure. It suggests someone who is not "good enough" or someone who has been cheated on. I was that person. Then hey presto learned some social skills and I am getting married in under a year. College is a great time for developing into the person you want to be. Be positive and outgoing, join that society. The person that you are looking for will come looking for you. I make out you can do three things in your life at any one time. If you looked after your studies, had a social group/ night out, that guy you will find you.

I do interviews for a social group. I rarely see men under 26. The reason is addiction, certain behaviours and serious mental health issues become more apparent after 26. At that age advertisers stop trying to get your attention because habit and patterns are formed, they are very difficult to break after 26. So you can see a lot clearer what type of candidate you are getting.