Irritable and Unfriendly colleagues.. how to deal with same and remain professional?

Hello 1

Okay, so I work in the childcare sector.

Started a brand new position just over a month ago. I have two years experience in a similar role. However, things are done a lot differently in my new role, and am still trying to adjust if I'm honest.

However, I find those I work with to be completely unfriendly, moody, and snappy for no reason, even over very small trivial things. I get very nervous when snapped at, and am literally left speechless.

I'm not naïve, I know you will encounter many different personality types at work. How do I deal with the unfriendly, moody, snappy types??

Constructive advice appreciated.

Thank you!

alibab

After 2 months you should have adjusted. I am sorry if this is not what you want to hear . They being snappy etc as they’ve feel they have more work to do trying to carry you etc if you are not up to speed by now .

Starting in a new job like childcare it should not take this long to be settled and essential not needing any more help .

Wanderer78

Could be time to get the cv out again, doesn't sound like the nicest working environment. Best of luck

alibab

alibab wrote: »

After 2 months you should have adjusted. I am sorry if this is not what you want to hear . They being snappy etc as they’ve feel they have more work to do trying to carry you etc if you are not up to speed by now .

Starting in a new job like childcare it should not take this long to be settled and essential not needing any more help .

That's a pretty big assumption there without knowing the OP and the situation. I'm sure it's not easy to adjust when people are being so unwelcoming, and it does happen.

I would start looking for something else.

Littlehorny

Life is way too short to be unhappy in a job OP, get looking and move on. Best of luck.

Hello 1

alibab wrote: »

After 2 months you should have adjusted. I am sorry if this is not what you want to hear . They being snappy etc as they’ve feel they have more work to do trying to carry you etc if you are not up to speed by now .

Starting in a new job like childcare it should not take this long to be settled and essential not needing any more help .

Do you work in the sector? Have you any idea how tough the work is? For the record - nobody is "carrying" me.. and how can you pinpoint how long it should take me to adjust to the role?
Every child is different and it takes time to know them inside out.

MarkR

alibab wrote: »

After 2 months you should have adjusted. I am sorry if this is not what you want to hear . They being snappy etc as they’ve feel they have more work to do trying to carry you etc if you are not up to speed by now .

Starting in a new job like childcare it should not take this long to be settled and essential not needing any more help .

Being snappy won't help anyone. Life is hard enough in general, without being rude to people. Being nice costs nothing.

K_P

Hello 1 wrote: »

Do you work in the sector? Have you any idea how tough the work is? For the record - nobody is "carrying" me.. and how can you pinpoint how long it should take me to adjust to the role?
Every child is different and it takes time to know them inside out.

I don't work in the childcare sector and I'm sure it's difficult and valuable work. But you had a thread here a few weeks ago literally asking "How long approx. should it take to get 'up to speed' in a new job". You're in this job 8 weeks now with 2 years experience in the sector already. What alibab has said could well be true - your colleagues can see you're not up to speed and are annoyed as a result.

You post a lot about job problems and seem to have constant issues with co-workers frequently - bullying, "snitching", jealousy, being shouted at.

To answer your actual question - How do I deal with the unfriendly, moody, snappy types? You ignore them, you don't internalise what they said, you see their snappiness as a reflection on them and not you and you keep doing your job as best you can. You ask for feedback and / or support at an appropriate time with your manager.

However. And this is important. I do think if your work in this sector is causing you so much anxiety that it would be worth looking at whether or not it's the right career path for you. It shouldn't be this painful and this stressful across multiple employers.

Lux23

My brother joined a new Creche after four years' experience, and it had very different procedures to where he previously worked, and one of the Supervisors took an immediate dislike to him which lead to other employees' isolating him. If it weren't for the latter, he probably would have grasped the new procedures if given the appropriate time and space to do so. Instead, he was always on the backfoot and he couldn't even ask for guidance as it would only have resulted in a dressing down from the Supervisor for him, and whatever hapless employee had agreed to speak to him.

OP - it may be the same for you, and given the amount of work in the sector I would consider seeking a position elsewhere. If anyone asks why you left, you can just say something about standards and support. That's what my brother did.

manonboard

I get along fantastic with colleagues in my jobs.

I'll give you some advice if you want it.

First, everyone on the team is different, so i try to make some mental lists of what they want and how to not be adverse to that. Some people want to be angry, so i let them vent to me about things. Others want something thats not work talk so i go for coffee breaks with them and chat about anything else but work.

Others, especially some managers, want things done THEIR way.. So learn what that way is and do it that way. Sometimes you will know its a silly thing to do, but it will make you successful with them, and when they like you more, and think you are doing things the 'right' way. You can then use that relationship to make changes that you think are better ways. They will be more receptive.

Never get involved in office politics. Be pretty much the easy going guy for everyone. All of them want to get along with people in the office. Just without compromising themselves.

Do all the basics like chit chat before asking for something, and create a good dynamic with them being friendly. Some people will not want friendship so give them what they want. Solid consistent work that doesnt make their day harder. Offer to help if they are working on something hard. Heck, go get them a cup of tea.
Just never be the person they are angry at because you never choose to do things that are confronting them. That doesn't mean anything about not doing your job correct. Assuming you are not their manager, then you are on their team, and they are your team. That means you should be allies.
Dont create anger towards them, and dont make conflict with them no matter what. If they act crazy some days, just let it go, and be friendly to them the next day. We all have crazy days. There is alot to learn from non violent communication if you are interested in reading up on that. It's quite effective in my experience. There are also classes in UCD about Conflict and conflict in workplace. They are excellent for making you quite comfortable at it.

Anyways, these approaches work for me. I never forget, its just a job. A means to an end. Something that provides resources for me. Whatever i do with my time, i do with all my effort, but my effort always considers making my day easier and more pleasant.

kurtainsider

alibab wrote: »

After 2 months you should have adjusted. I am sorry if this is not what you want to hear . They being snappy etc as they’ve feel they have more work to do trying to carry you etc if you are not up to speed by now .

Starting in a new job like childcare it should not take this long to be settled and essential not needing any more help .

It never ceases to amaze and dismay me that as soon as anyone states that they're having a problem with workmates someone is straight in with the boot to tell them that it's their fault.

You know, perhaps sometimes when a person reports a problem with workmates it's just possible that they have strayed into a toxic workplace manned by ar**holes.

OP - my advice - get out of there ASAP.

Hello 1

K_P wrote: »

I don't work in the childcare sector and I'm sure it's difficult and valuable work. But you had a thread here a few weeks ago literally asking "How long approx. should it take to get 'up to speed' in a new job". You're in this job 8 weeks now with 2 years experience in the sector already. What alibab has said could well be true - your colleagues can see you're not up to speed and are annoyed as a result.

You post a lot about job problems and seem to have constant issues with co-workers frequently - bullying, "snitching", jealousy, being shouted at.

To answer your actual question - How do I deal with the unfriendly, moody, snappy types? You ignore them, you don't internalise what they said, you see their snappiness as a reflection on them and not you and you keep doing your job as best you can. You ask for feedback and / or support at an appropriate time with your manager.

However. And this is important. I do think if your work in this sector is causing you so much anxiety that it would be worth looking at whether or not it's the right career path for you. It shouldn't be this painful and this stressful across multiple employers.

I approached my manager to submit my resignation last week.
We had a long chat informally about everything I have posted about. I came right out and asked them if my work was up to scratch. They said "yes".

K_P

Ok. That’s great. We only have what you wrote to go on and you said in your first post that you were still adjusting and it does seem from your other posts that you’re struggling and unhappy.

Given the fact that you were handing in your notice only last week, I stand by my advice that you should think about whether you’re happy in this career. Are you just very unlucky to have landed in 2 or 3 toxic workplaces after each other? Or is the nature of the work something you’re not suited to? I’m not having a go at you and there’s no shame in it. There are lots of careers I know I wouldn’t be able for.

To stick to just what you’ve asked, how to deal with annoyed colleagues. Ignore them, let it be water off a duck’s back to you. Remember that your manager is happy with your work and that that’s what’s important. Help colleagues out where you can but don’t pander to them. You’re not going to win them over by being a doormat. But if you’re confident in your own abilities, and you’re a productive and helpful colleague, you might. Most of all, just ignore them snapping or being irritable and don’t take it to heart.

Gra11

manonboard wrote: »

I get along fantastic with colleagues in my jobs.

I'll give you some advice if you want it.

First, everyone on the team is different, so i try to make some mental lists of what they want and how to not be adverse to that. Some people want to be angry, so i let them vent to me about things. Others want something thats not work talk so i go for coffee breaks with them and chat about anything else but work.

Others, especially some managers, want things done THEIR way.. So learn what that way is and do it that way. Sometimes you will know its a silly thing to do, but it will make you successful with them, and when they like you more, and think you are doing things the 'right' way. You can then use that relationship to make changes that you think are better ways. They will be more receptive.

Never get involved in office politics. Be pretty much the easy going guy for everyone. All of them want to get along with people in the office. Just without compromising themselves.

Do all the basics like chit chat before asking for something, and create a good dynamic with them being friendly. Some people will not want friendship so give them what they want. Solid consistent work that doesnt make their day harder. Offer to help if they are working on something hard. Heck, go get them a cup of tea.
Just never be the person they are angry at because you never choose to do things that are confronting them. That doesn't mean anything about not doing your job correct. Assuming you are not their manager, then you are on their team, and they are your team. That means you should be allies.
Dont create anger towards them, and dont make conflict with them no matter what. If they act crazy some days, just let it go, and be friendly to them the next day. We all have crazy days. There is alot to learn from non violent communication if you are interested in reading up on that. It's quite effective in my experience. There are also classes in UCD about Conflict and conflict in workplace. They are excellent for making you quite comfortable at it.

Anyways, these approaches work for me. I never forget, its just a job. A means to an end. Something that provides resources for me. Whatever i do with my time, i do with all my effort, but my effort always considers making my day easier and more pleasant.

I’m starting a new office job soon and this advice is great. Thank you, I’m going to keep it in mind.

Hello 1

K_P wrote: »

Ok. That’s great. We only have what you wrote to go on and you said in your first post that you were still adjusting and it does seem from your other posts that you’re struggling and unhappy.

Given the fact that you were handing in your notice only last week, I stand by my advice that you should think about whether you’re happy in this career. Are you just very unlucky to have landed in 2 or 3 toxic workplaces after each other? Or is the nature of the work something you’re not suited to? I’m not having a go at you and there’s no shame in it. There are lots of careers I know I wouldn’t be able for.

To stick to just what you’ve asked, how to deal with annoyed colleagues. Ignore them, let it be water off a duck’s back to you. Remember that your manager is happy with your work and that that’s what’s important. Help colleagues out where you can but don’t pander to them. You’re not going to win them over by being a doormat. But if you’re confident in your own abilities, and you’re a productive and helpful colleague, you might. Most of all, just ignore them snapping or being irritable and don’t take it to heart.

Thank you. I had a 'support and supervision' session with management last week. I was told management were 'very happy' with my work. However, that I might need a 'little bit of support' with managing large groups of children at one time. However, I don't know if I'm just being over - sensitive about little remarks made to me, or something else. A colleague spoke to me last week making a very patronising remark to me in front of the children. It did not sound like a harmless joke. I guess some people are just irritable and moody and just unhappy in their jobs, and take it out on whoever's closest to hand. Their issue, not mine, I guess.

beechwood55

This is the second creche job you have resigned from. In your previous job you also had issues with your colleagues. Are you sure this is the right career for you?

1874

In a similar situation, workplace is fast paced and people dont have time to show you things all the time, but I noticed in particular, a guy who I dont even work with directly and have no direct dealings with him, seems to get on well with people he works with, whenever I came across him, he'd be putting the boot into me, he might joke a bit with others, but any reference to me has been undermining and below the belt, he isnt even there much longer than me, initially I just brushed them off but recently he publicly rebuked me and called me an idiot, I was stunned and to be honest livid, I need my job and thats all that stopped me from decking the guy, but I know that'd be the sack and I have difficulty getting any job after that. If I follow it up, I may be isolated by others who are very variable in how they deal with me, Ive a feeling this guy is happy to put the boot in, knowing I dont have anyones support and that I might be reluctant to deal with it as I will be completely undermined by defending myself and likely have it twisted that I cant take a joke.
I'm not in a position to leave right now and I think it would not look great on the CV anyway, I have to bide my time but I'm now eyeing the exit. What do I do?

LegacyUser

Id love to hear how you got on? Having a very similar experience myself.