Alone....

pixielott

Really don't know what to do with my life. Live in Mayo & go to College but just always have that empty feeling.
I've never had friends and am still a virgin at 29. Just feel so lonely and wonder what's the point of it all....

I really don't know how/where to get out and meet people. Don't like clubbing, can't find anything on meetup. Joined a gym today so hopefully that might go something good for me.

Just like i said feel so empty.......

BetsyEllen

<SNIP>

What’s your living situation as in are you living alone, with parents? Do you work?

pixielott

I'm living at my parents. I go to college

drlamp

Sorry to hear that you are feeling so lonely. I'd advise getting in touch with the student support staff in your college or the student union. These people should be able to listen to your situation and guide you to getting in touch with some clubs or societies in your college, which can be a nice way to try and start meeting new people. When feeling so down, I think it would also be worthwhile speaking with the college counsellor. So, so many students do and can be quite valuable. Always nice to have someone there to listen to you.

Arrival

Unfortunately it'll be hard to change your social situation when not living in or very near one of the cities or a very big town so all you can basically do for now is tip away at college and start saving as much as you can and begin planning how to move to a city, possibly even one abroad.

In the meantime I'd suggest doing some traveling on your own which will genuinely force you to become more confident in yourself and help you learn to be more outgoing and friendly which ultimately attracts more friends. You don't have to do massive trips, especially since you more than likely can't right now, so just short weekend trips to cool European cities like Berlin, Prague, Amsterdam etc. are a great option. Be sure to stay in hostels, and ones that are reviewed as having good atmospheres which organise events for guests. It's impossible then to not meet new people and so easy to break the ice since everyone is curious about where you're from, where you've been, what you've seen etc. so it's very easy to get comfortable with them and make plans to go for drinks; getting drunk with random people from around the world is one of the most funny and enjoyable experiences you can have and being Irish is a huge positive for this. I know you say you don't like clubbing and all that but just learn to let loose of your inhibitions and act like a total fool and laugh at yourself, just be open minded towards new experiences. There's so much more to life than staying cooped up in some small town and it's never been easier to explore new places and since you're on your own you've total freedom to do whatever you want.

About still being a virgin. I won't lie, sex is great but I guarantee you're over thinking it and believe it's more of a big deal than it is. Don't worry about it because the more you do the less likely you are to actually get to experience it. It'll happen when it happens and when you're ready. You've more important things to be doing and worrying about than this.

DontThankMe

pixielott wrote: »

Really don't know what to do with my life. Live in Mayo & go to College but just always have that empty feeling.
I've never had friends and am still a virgin at 29. Just feel so lonely and wonder what's the point of it all....

I really don't know how/where to get out and meet people. Don't like clubbing, can't find anything on meetup. Joined a gym today so hopefully that might go something good for me.

Just like i said feel so empty.......

Hey OP
I've been in a similar situation there was days where I'd rather lie in bed all day since I thought what's the point.... why bother etc.

Is your college big or small? If it's big enough I'd assume there are some clubs and societies you could join even if you have no interest in anything just pick something that you might be interested in and go along.
If you don't have clubs and societies in your college, is there any hillwalking/hiking club in your locality. I'd recommend joining something outdoors if you can I know the weather won't be great at this time of the year but the outdoors has been really good for me mentally just helped me clear my head and appreciate the beauty of nature. You could also try joining some group classes at the gym you've joined if they run any there.

milli milli

OP is there any chance you could move out into a house share with other students? When I first went to college I moved into a house with other students/young people. I was in a new city, knew nobody but having the house share, I had an automatic bunch of people to hang out with. It was great ‘cos I was a shy teenager so didn’t find it that easy to make friends. But within a couple of weeks, I had new acquaintances/friends and I had a great time in college.
If you can’t afford it, could you look at getting some part time work? Or what a lot of students did, was work their asses off all summer to have money for the coming student year. Or sone took out loans to help out with costs.
Moving out of home is so good for your self development (I’m not sure if you’ve already moved out and are back again, so forgive me if you know this!) and really all adults should do it. You will probably find that other things will fall into place afterwards.

BetsyEllen

pixielott wrote: »

I'm living at my parents. I go to college

The reason I asked was because a house share may open up many doors for you.

However if you're at college full time it's doubtful you could afford it.

I was about to start talking about part time work (also a great way to meet people, bar work for example) but milli milli has already given some good advice on this so I won't repeat her!

Have you ever worked or lived away from your parents? At 29 it would be quite unusual to be in college full time and living at home.
I'm not putting you down at all, please don't think I am, I'm just trying to get an idea of how you've ended up in this situation so the advice we offer can be helpful.

When is the college course due to finish?

Sabre0001

Gym is a great idea to boost confidence and body image at the very least. It would also be worthwhile checking out any training classes organised though, as at least there can be a more social element to that.

As mentioned, if there's any possibility of living in a house share, it might be worth checking out. Broadens your social circle and prepares you for life immediately after college too (if moving into a city, for example, it's unlikely that you'll be able to afford to live alone).

Meetup may not be so great in smaller counties (I only have experience of it in Dublin), but maybe you could check out Galway meetups. If there's something on a weekend, you could make the trek for that. The alternative is to try your hand at becoming an organiser for one of your interests - maybe there are others in Mayo checking Meetup and disappointed that the same thing isn't currently being offered. Clubs & Socs are a great offering in college, and something that I wish I did more of.

Wanderer78

Student counselling services are extremely good, well worth a try. Best of luck

MichaelJD

You do spend a lot of time in college, right? How about you try to make some friends and see how that turns out? 
\In my opinion, that should be a starting point.

pixielott

I just managed to rent a room in a flat, two elderly ladies live there. It's the only thing i can afford. I'm planning on making an effort to join in the classes at the gym.

College is small so haven't heard anything about groups other than that they hope to start playing mixed soccer soon.....

Ursus Horribilis

Why are you depending on a gym, of all places, to make friends? While I'm told on this forum that there are some where it is possible to meet people and make friends, I've never stood in one in my life. Any gym I've ever stood in was populated by people who were there to get their regime done, have a shower and go home.

You're at a college. Why have you not made friends there? Even though you say you're 29 and won't be the same age as many of the people in your classes, there are surely other mature students around?