Psychotherapy - Confidentiality

jungatheart

I have a situation which is making me increasingly uncomfortable and I'm not sure how to approach it. I have a friend who is a psychotherapist and I've known her for a number of years, she was previously a school teacher and has been practicing as a therapist for about 10 years, after she went back college part time to qualify. Last few times we met, she is very overwhelmed with her work and whilst she never mentions specific details like the name of someone, she has told me some things about her work which I felt really uncomfortable hearing. Like that she has a client going through a court case at the moment and that she has to testify and go back through notes from two years ago and that this person is very difficult. When she said this the other day, I just felt so uncomfortable, I just got up to go to the bathroom and changed the subject when I came back. It felt wrong to me, maybe it's because I'm in therapy myself and I couldn't imagine my therapist sitting around with a friend discussing anything to do with his clients - am I over reacting, she didn't give name or details but I honestly felt so uncomfortable. I know it's a job like many others where we can all have bad days and need to talk about it but I think this is or should be different. Any practicing psychotherapists have thoughts on this ? If it comes up again, I am going to say something to her just because I feel uncomfortable hearing this stuff.

The Black Oil

Given that she's overwhelmed, it sounds like she needs to keep an eye on her boundaries and professional standards. You're not her supervisor. As you say, there's nothing identifiable, but I'd say it's quite reasonable for you to point out your discomfort.

endacl

The Black Oil wrote: »

Given that she's overwhelmed, it sounds like she needs to keep an eye on her boundaries and professional standards. You're not her supervisor. As you say, there's nothing identifiable, but I'd say it's quite reasonable for you to point out your discomfort.

If she’s feeling overwhelmed, she should be looking at that in her own supervision.

dar100

Not really sure shy you are so uncomfortable? Seems your friend may have been looking for some friendly support outside of professional supervision.

Many professions go to court to either support or give evidence against former/present clients. Ive been several times in both capacities. Nothing wrong in her voicing this whilst staying within ethical parameters. Of course, if shes overwhelmed she needs professional support too. You seem to have put more effort into this post than engaging with your friend?

SuperRabbit

This isn't really what supervision is for, is it? She needs to talk about this with her own therapist, and if she doesn't have one she needs one, even someone pre-accredited, just to get all this off her chest. If she can't even afford that she should ring Samaritains. I agree with you, I feel it is absolutely inappropriate to be putting it on you. It's also unprofessional. People think if they don't use a name they haven't breached confidentiality, and maybe they haven't, but why risk it? It's on a need to know basis, you don't need to know. You don't even want to know!


I have seen people have depressive episodes because their friends who are counsellors overshared awful things that happened to their clients, things that they are trained to deal with but their friends aren't. Very selfish behavior. I absolutely disagree with Dar01, that is NOT what friends are for. Emotional support is one thing. She is not talking about her own issues and her own fears and life etc. That's what emotional support is with friends. She is talking about other people's stuff.

Anyway I don't know what type of things she was sharing, maybe this is ok. But don't ever let anyone tell you it is not all right for you to feel what you feel. If you are uncomfortable with this that is your business and you are absolutely right to share that with your friend.

John368

This friend has trusted you with work-related confidential information. If they cannot trust you to keep it confidential, then they will be taking a big risk with their career and their livelihood. You need to return that trust. It is down to how much you trust yourself.

jungatheart

I am an extremely trustworthy person, I've had family members and friends tell me things that no one else even knows about but that dynamic is different. The point isn't whether I'm trustworthy or not, I feel uncomfortable and I just instinctively feel I'm not the person to talk to about her work stuff, that's for her supervision, which she has stopped going to because she thinks she doesn't need it anymore. I've done therapy myself in the past and maybe it's that, the idea that my therapist would be sitting with a friend talking about my stuff feels wrong to me, whereas I'm more than happy for them to talk about it in supervision as that's appropriate. I trust myself and my instincts and I'm clearly not going to talk to anyone about what she told me but it's not a situation I want to be put in again.

John368

I see. Sometimes people like yourself, who are naturally loyal and trustworthy, can be taken advantage of by others. Setting boundaries is the key as others have eluded to. Boundaries come naturally in families (usually), however in friendships they have to be worked at, especially if the relationship is usually carried out on a one-to-one basis.

This friend has to bear the responsibility for their disclosures to you or anybody else. You are not responsible for those disclosures. If friend the insists in making disclosures to YOU, then you have to take practical steps in the relationship to restore boundaries or to establish them for the first time. You have already taken one practical step when you excused yourself from the room and when you came back you changed the subject. Another practical step is to reduce the times you find yourself in a one-to-one situation and have more times when you are with them in the company of others.