Bullying at work: how to stop it

LegacyUser

I've a more senior manager at work who has been mistreating me, including humiliation in front of others. The overall manager is now aware of the most recent issue and having spoken to another person at work, I was reminded of the other occasions and essentially told that I've been in denial of a pattern of behaviour towards me for a long time.

By the end of today I was even more angry with myself, but also afraid as this other person is both far more established in this workplace than I, more senior and much more political. All the power and politics dynamics are against me. Although I do have witnesses, and I have logged various incidents, I feel very alone and there's nobody really that I can burden with this (when I come home I have to put on a brave face for the people who need me here). I do not want to be perceived as a trouble maker, which explains why I've been trying to play down this pattern. This was a mistake, as they only seem to have been encouraged by my desire to avoid conflict.

I'm really at a loss what to do. I was told by somebody in management, who is now aware of what has been going on, that I should go away and think of what exactly I want here before I meet the overall manager presently. The short answer is that I want to be able to do my job in a positive, supportive environment where professionalism is at the heart of interaction. Just professionalism. I don't want to be publicly undermined or publicly humiliated. I want to be free from that. I quite enjoy this job apart from this single individual, but I am conscious that they are there so long and so political that people could be turned against me. Without dwelling on this person, they are notably ambitious and unforgiving so just by proceeding with this complaint I expect life to get harder. Having said that, I know the alternative of the recurrent put downs continuing would be soul-destroyingly unbearable. And I need to be a happy person for those people at home who need me.


I'm not the sort of person who could live in a negative work environment. It has been suggested to me that we could both meet in front of the overall manager and get to the bottom of this - 'restorative justice' or something similar. However, as I've never been in this situation I don't know whether this is a positive thing, or something which would exacerbate my situation? Ideally, I'd be absolutely fine to move on if I had minimal contact with this person and that all this stuff would stop immediately. However, I'm not sure if that would be perceived as weakness and just encourage them? I definitely think I can no longer allow this to continue, that this person's cards need to be marked so to speak, but I'm just bereft of what I should do in order to minimise the repercussions on me.

Any experience, perspective or wisdom would be most greatly appreciated.

_Brian

In fairness it seems the process has started.
Sit down and document every incident you can think of including who was present, dates etc if you can. Have it ready when you meet with management.
Bring someone into meetings for support, another employee or union rep if your unionised.

Get yourself a copy of company policy on bullying and harassment and understand the steps so you can hold them to their own standards.
If they don’t have something documented then contact citizens advice and they will help you get the overall expectations of fairness and equity expected of them.

As for what you want, just being allowed to do your job is very reasonable, they should be happy with that.

Make sure you have a friend or family member to confide in, it can be a dark road and it’s easy to get down over it.

OMM 0000

I feel at this stage you could ask HR for advice. You can make it an informal meeting, just asking for advice on how to proceed. It is quite possible HR are aware this person is trouble.

Good luck whatever you chose what to do.

Btw this is why I only work in small companies now. I got so tired of psychos making it up the ladder in large companies.

sbsquarepants

Here's my 2 cents for you - The next time this person puts you down, calmly but loudly so everyone else hears tell them "In future I want you to speak to me with the same respect I speak to you with, I'm not here to be insulted, talk to me in a professional manner or don't talk to me at all"

You may be thinking office politics, quiet life all that - but the fact is if your boss is bullying you there is likely no future for you in that job, you have nothing to loose but your self respect for taking his crap.

If you made an error and you're being called up on it that's a different story, although there's a right and a wrong way to go about that too - but if they just see you as some sort of whipping boy, a dog to kick when they're in a bad mood, then you need to nip that in the bud.

Some people are just assholes - there is absolutely no requirement for you to tolerate their bullshít!

bpmurray

It depends on your company. I worked in a large multinational for 25 years - if that happened there, the bully would be out the door so fast his feet wouldn't touch the floor, irrespective of how "established" (s)he might be. The reality is that it opens the company to litigation and they stand to lose a lot of money if they stand idly by and let it happen.

The suggestion to talk to HR is the correct one - you need to make sure that they're aware of the issue, and you also need to make senior management aware of it too. As others have said, calmly document everything. Remember what he's doing is illegal and the company will back you (if they have any sense).

BrokenArrows

bpmurray wrote: »

It depends on your company. I worked in a large multinational for 25 years - if that happened there, the bully would be out the door so fast his feet wouldn't touch the floor, irrespective of how "established" (s)he might be. The reality is that it opens the company to litigation and they stand to lose a lot of money if they stand idly by and let it happen.

The suggestion to talk to HR is the correct one - you need to make sure that they're aware of the issue, and you also need to make senior management aware of it too. As others have said, calmly document everything. Remember what he's doing is illegal and the company will back you (if they have any sense).

I agree.

If any human resource department is even slightly competent then they will take it very seriously.

If you report it and it keeps occurring without any repercussions for the manager then you can quit and sue them for constructive dismissal very easily with a large payout.

So most companies will be all over this.

Wanderer2010

bpmurray wrote: »

It depends on your company. I worked in a large multinational for 25 years - if that happened there, the bully would be out the door so fast his feet wouldn't touch the floor, irrespective of how "established" (s)he might be. The reality is that it opens the company to litigation and they stand to lose a lot of money if they stand idly by and let it happen.

The suggestion to talk to HR is the correct one - you need to make sure that they're aware of the issue, and you also need to make senior management aware of it too. As others have said, calmly document everything. Remember what he's doing is illegal and the company will back you (if they have any sense).

Wow, you must have worked for a fantastic multinational as ive worked for a few of them now and bullying is something that happens across every single department and involves senior managers and junior staff etc, with HR trying at every stage to wriggle out of anyone getting even a warning for their behaviour, never mind fired. Your workplace is not the norm.

theballz

Before speaking to HR make sure you have done your due diligence, generally the first thing HR will ask is:
"Have you spoken down with this person to discuss it directly?"
"Have you spoken to your team lead or manager?"

OMM 0000

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

Wow, you must have worked for a fantastic multinational as ive worked for a few of them now and bullying is something that happens across every single department and involves senior managers and junior staff etc, with HR trying at every stage to wriggle out of anyone getting even a warning for their behaviour, never mind fired. Your workplace is not the norm.

I kind of feel like bullying is subjective.

Some people are very sensitive and consider anything which upsets them to be bullying.

Others (like me) are pretty tough, and I only consider someone having crossed the line if they publicly try to embarrass me. Anything one on one is fair game to me, although I always try to be reasonable and kind when dealing one on one with my staff.

I would agree though that multinationals can be vicious. The most aggressive people are usually the ones trying to hide their incompetencies. It's toxic and unnecessary.

Diziet

The usual advice is: talk to your manager, ask them to put together a plan so that you can work effectively and free of this kind of distraction. Keep a diary (preferably on paper and keep it at home) noting date, time, interaction and witnesses. Include how you felt at the time. Keep any related emails in a separate folder (and print them out at the time, staple them to your notebook). 
Bullying is not the fault of the victim, it is the fault of the perpetrator. We all have different degrees of sensitivity, but bullies know what they are doing. I have known very tough professional people, brilliant at their work, who ended up unable to work because of a bullying campaign.
Finally, employers are not always good at handling this. Their focus is the company, not you, so keep that in the back of your head and look for a good solution that would suit you. What do you want to happen? Maybe a reporting structure that does not involve that person? Think of your ideal outcome and what needs to be put in place, look at the feasibility of the solution from your side and the employer's side and talk to your manager and HR.
If it looks like it;s becoming a horrible protracted process that affects your mental health, look for another job, don't get bogged down in long procedures and especially legal ones. Much better to put your efforts and talent into finding a better environment.

Diziet

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Squatman

any update OP?