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Would you judge your partner on their previous number?

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  • 01-10-2018 8:17pm
    #1
    Paddy Cow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,576 ✭✭✭


    I was reading the thread about the number of partners a person has had and it reminded me of an episode of Sex and the City where Miranda and Steve were comparing numbers. Turned out Miranda had a lot more than Steve, which wouldn't be the perceived social norm.

    I am a woman and haven't had that many partners (not giving the number so don't even ask :P). While I wouldn't judge a friend for sowing his/her wild oats, I have to say I would judge a potential partner on how many they've had if the number was really high. I know I'm probably going to get a lot of flak for this but that's how I feel.

    To be clear, this isn't woman shaming. This applies to men and women. If a guy had a really high number I would see it as him wanting to play the field and not wanting commitment. If a "player" wanted to be in a relationship with me, I would be wary. People can change but at what point do you put your trust in someone who has "previous form"?


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    #2
    coffee_cake
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    I have zero interest in asking


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    #3
    Wildsurfer
    Registered Users Posts: 1,383 ✭✭✭Wildsurfer


    Practice makes perfect


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    #4
    Signore Fancy Pants
    Registered Users Posts: 3,682 ✭✭✭Signore Fancy Pants


    If I'm looking for a ride...the last thing I want to know is how many jockeys have been on the horse.


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    #5
    dartboardio
    Registered Users Posts: 2,436 ✭✭✭dartboardio


    It doesn’t tell anything about anyone imo

    People could have been happy to sleep with many people in younger years, others weren’t and preferred to keep it to more serious partners

    Doesn’t tell a thing if you ask me


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    #6
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Why broach the subject? Emphasis on 'previous', celebrate the present and leave such matters off the table.


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    #7
    Paddy Cow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,576 ✭✭✭Paddy Cow


    dartboardio wrote: »
    It doesn’t tell anything about anyone imo

    People could have been happy to sleep with many people in younger years, others weren’t and preferred to keep it to more serious partners

    Doesn’t tell a thing if you ask me
    That's my point. How would you know if you were just another fling or a serious partner?


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    #8
    Donald Trump
    Registered Users Posts: 19,069 ✭✭✭✭Donald Trump


    Why buy the Paddy Cow when you can have the milk for free.

    Or if every other fecker is after getting the milk for nuttin' :pac:


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    #9
    utyh2ikcq9z76b
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,213 ✭✭✭utyh2ikcq9z76b


    bluewolf wrote: »
    I have zero interest in asking

    Ask no questions and you will be told no lies


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    #10
    Hector Bellend
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,667 ✭✭✭Hector Bellend


    Might be better to know the truth


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    #11
    wakka12
    Registered Users Posts: 9,786 ✭✭✭wakka12


    It wouldnt bother me that much but if it was a really high number like close to triple digits or more then I would be afraid they are extremely sexual and want to cheat on me or lose interest in me or they might have an STD


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    #12
    Seth Brundle
    Moderators, Politics Moderators Posts: 38,896 Mod ✭✭✭✭Seth Brundle


    Her count doesnt bother me much seeing as a football team only counts as one!


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    #13
    McMurphy
    Registered Users Posts: 13,365 ✭✭✭✭McMurphy


    Not at all, she finally joined me on the 087's, I never ever judged her for having an 085 one for so long.


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    #14
    Dravokivich
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Music Moderators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,360 CMod ✭✭✭✭Dravokivich


    The only time it was ever on my mind was when I had never experienced intimate relationships and I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't even care about how many people they had been with or how much. It was just on my mind that they had and I didn't know what to do because I hadn't.

    Now it'll make no odds to me. I don't care how many other people someone was with before or after me. Ill just focus on enjoying their company however we end up doing so.


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    #15
    Southwest Alaska
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 17 ✭Southwest Alaska


    bluewolf wrote: »
    I have zero interest in asking

    What else do you have zero interest asking, what previous jobs your partner had, if they have siblings, what food they like?


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    #16
    Southwest Alaska
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 17 ✭Southwest Alaska


    wakka12 wrote: »
    It wouldnt bother me that much but if it was a really high number like close to triple digits or more then I would be afraid they are extremely sexual and want to cheat on me or lose interest in me or they might have an STD

    Or maybe someone with a small number is more likely to cheat as they have more to experience.


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    #17
    LollipopJimmy
    Registered Users Posts: 5,433 ✭✭✭LollipopJimmy


    No interest in asking and had some dodgy years there so wouldntveven be able to guess at my own


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    #18
    OldMrBrennan83
    Closed Accounts Posts: 26,658 ✭✭✭✭OldMrBrennan83


    Wouldn't really have bothered me. Maybe if they were a complete buckbag but I don't think I ever asked. I'd never have associated with the type anyway.


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    #19
    dartboardio
    Registered Users Posts: 2,436 ✭✭✭dartboardio


    Well I’m pretty sure you’d have a good idea it’s a serious partner if your boyfriend or girlfriend had many before you and now yer together quite a while.. years etc


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    #20
    coffee_cake
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    Southwest Alaska wrote: »
    What else do you have zero interest asking, what previous jobs your partner had, if they have siblings, what food they like?

    No you're right, i'm off to ask him for a detailed list of every meal he's ever eaten before he met me


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    #21
    Signore Fancy Pants
    Registered Users Posts: 3,682 ✭✭✭Signore Fancy Pants


    bluewolf wrote: »
    No you're right, i'm off to ask him for a detailed list of every meal he's ever eaten before he ate me

    Fixed that for ya Bluey :pac:

    Soz


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    #22
    Paddy Cow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,576 ✭✭✭Paddy Cow


    bluewolf wrote: »
    I have zero interest in asking

    Are you seriously saying you have never judged a potential partner? That doesn't make any sense. If you are looking for a long term relationship and you meet someone who has many hook ups, would that not ring alarm bells?


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    #23
    coffee_cake
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    Paddy Cow wrote: »
    Are you seriously saying you have never judged a potential partner? That doesn't make any sense. If you are looking for a long term relationship and you meet someone who has many hook ups, would that not ring alarm bells?

    How would i know how many hook ups they've had?


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    #24
    Signore Fancy Pants
    Registered Users Posts: 3,682 ✭✭✭Signore Fancy Pants


    Paddy Cow wrote: »
    Are you seriously saying you have never judged a potential partner? That doesn't make any sense. If you are looking for a long term relationship and you meet someone who has many hook ups, would that not ring alarm bells?

    There is no guarantee that a potential partner who has has 2 previous partners is looking for something serious....they could be aiming for 100 and you are just a stepping stone.

    A high number does not equate to a risky future relationship. Some people may see it that the potential partner had enough of messing around and wants to settle down.

    You seem to want to quantify that high, or your definition of 'high', is to be a definitive warning sign and to avoid at all costs. Nonsense.

    If your thinking was correct there would be a lot less couples in the world.


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    #25
    Hector Bellend
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,667 ✭✭✭Hector Bellend


    We all have our pasts and it would be naive to think your better half doesnt have some sort of sexual history.

    I love and trust my better half too much to worry about who she may have slept with before she met me.


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    #26
    Your Face
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,277 ✭✭✭Your Face


    I only judge on her number of previous convictions.


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    #27
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 18,749 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Paddy Cow wrote: »
    Are you seriously saying you have never judged a potential partner? That doesn't make any sense. If you are looking for a long term relationship and you meet someone who has many hook ups, would that not ring alarm bells?

    Ate you seriously saying you would ask someone you just started seeing for their 'number'?


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    #28
    Southwest Alaska
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 17 ✭Southwest Alaska


    bluewolf wrote: »
    No you're right, i'm off to ask him for a detailed list of every meal he's ever eaten before he met me

    Or you could be normal and give him the gist of what food you like.


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    #29
    Southwest Alaska
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 17 ✭Southwest Alaska


    Hector Bellend wrote: »
    We all have our pasts and it would be naive to think your better half doesnt have some sort of sexual history.

    I love and trust my better half too much to worry about who she may have slept with before she met me.

    Talking about does not equal worrying. Talking about your favourite movies does not mean you are worried about them.


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    #30
    Try_harder
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,681 ✭✭✭Try_harder


    Im 086, were a protected species now


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    #31
    Southwest Alaska
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 17 ✭Southwest Alaska


    I think people who are so adamantly against asking or knowing as if it's a sin have a problem just like a person who is obsessed with it has a problem. Both cases are as bad as each other.


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