DIsclosing sexual abuse/child protection.

LegacyUser

It's something as a guy I've struggled with on and off. They are so many things that I think about a lot.
Now my plan is to seek a bit of professional help and then seeing where things go from here.
What happens tough when I tell a doctor I was abused when I was younger and say who did it.
Does he/she contact the Gardaí?
So does this mean the Gardaí will show up at my front door?
What happens if I just reveal the abuse and not say who did it.
Do they still show up and question me?

Fakediamond

Bravo on taking steps to seek help for yourself.

G.P.’s and Counsellor/therapists are mandated by law to report abusers names to Tusla, if they are given the name. If you choose not to disclose the name, they cannot make the report. If you choose to disclose the name, the report goes to Tusla, in the first instance, who will notify the Gardai if the person is alive and still a potential danger to children. It can all take many months for all of this to happen and no, the Gardai won’t arrive at your door, it’s much more discreet than that.

Why don’t you seek the help for yourself first and see where that leads you, you might feel ready to disclose the name in your own time, but won’t be forced to, if you feel you can’t.

Vorsprung

In terms of specialist counselling, you should look into contacting 1 in 4 or the HSE’s National Counselling Service.

LegacyUser

I am just a little uneasy of what will happen if I let the name slip or I explain anything about what happened because it will be fairly obvious who it was.
So, the man could be notified that xxxx made an allegation about you.
I did try and seek help for this nearly ten years ago but it didn't really work for me and I did my best to bury my head in the sand.

Fakediamond

There’s a thread on here titled “can anyone advise on tusla”, which has loads of info re the process. Sorry I can’t link to it, it’s in Personal Issues, about 3 pages back.

I hope you’re able to get support for yourself, worrying about the consequences for your abuser is holding you back. Really, your abuser is the one who should be worrying, you have done nothing wrong.

LegacyUser

Fakediamond wrote: »

There’s a thread on here titled “can anyone advise on tusla”, which has loads of info re the process. Sorry I can’t link to it, it’s in Personal Issues, about 3 pages back.

I hope you’re able to get support for yourself, worrying about the consequences for your abuser is holding you back. Really, your abuser is the one who should be worrying, you have done nothing wrong.

I'll look into that.
I know it would be a thing that people would often say but I fear that I wouldn't be believed it got out who did it.
He has degrees, masters, excellent jobs, has achieved a lot etc. I'd be scatty to be honest and I know I'm second best to him by a lot of people.

Finchie1276

Hi,

My advice, as a survivor is to go find ( and research first) a very good Psychotherapist (not a counsellor) who has experience of dealing with this. Once you find someone to click with (and you can leave at any point if you feel it is not working) the you will find your choices are more clear. You may not want to disclose, it may not be part of your process or you may not wan to. See what happens. Its a big step but a healthy step and I wish you all the very best and hope it adds lots of positivity to your life as you deal with it. Always feel free to ping me over a question on this thread if you wish.

We get one chance at life so be the very best version of you that you can be!

Rubberchikken

I agree with ^^.
Before you go naming names get support and help for you.
Find someone qualified to deal with the issue and in time you can decide if making an official complaint is the way to go.
The very best of luck

shesty

Ah jeez.Being "second best" as you say doesn't give someone a right to abuse you.I hate the Irish thing of "sure they're a great person, pillar of the community, well-respected in their field, could never have happened".It's not an excuse OP, and it's rapidly being ignored by people.Get support for yourself and do what you have to.You have done nothing wrong.

Professor Moriarty

Fakediamond wrote: »

Bravo on taking steps to seek help for yourself.

G.P.’s and Counsellor/therapists are mandated by law to report abusers names to Tusla, if they are given the name. If you choose not to disclose the name, they cannot make the report. If you choose to disclose the name, the report goes to Tusla, in the first instance, who will notify the Gardai if the person is alive and still a potential danger to children. It can all take many months for all of this to happen and no, the Gardai won’t arrive at your door, it’s much more discreet than that.

Why don’t you seek the help for yourself first and see where that leads you, you might feel ready to disclose the name in your own time, but won’t be forced to, if you feel you can’t.

This is very good advice but isn't completely right. The OP should be aware that mandated persons are legally obliged to report abuse whether they have identifying information or not. They can also bypass Tusla and contact the Gardaí if they think it is appropriate. Typically, a mandated person will contact Tusla in the first instance and is obliged to give your contact details. Tusla/Gardaí may or may not contact you based on the information they receive. If it is Tusla (and it almost always will be Tusla in the first instance) you can choose not to engage with them. Tusla/Gardaí will primarily decide on how urgent or serious the matter is based on whether or not children are currently in danger from the alleged abuser.