Giving up your seat

Diemos

While travelling home from work on the Dart last night I had a young woman stand beside me in distain because I had a seat.
I have given my seat up numerous times in the past, to eldery people, children and pregnant ladies.

I've had my ball$ chewed for offering seats to eldery 'ladies' on more than one occasion.
It's pretty bloody humiliating to be shouted down in a packed public space for a well intentioned act.

Anyway, this woman was not wearing a pregnancy badge and certainly wasn't old.
She was wearing very uncomfortable looking shoes....but that's her choice.

The level of tuts I got while she stood in my personal space (the train was not that busy, just one of the tall seated ones that have loads of space but fook all seats), every time the train moved her smart phone bumped into the side of my head (I'm sure that was accident and not a passive agressive action), every time I looked up when this happened I got a death stare, daring me to say something.
When the guy sitting opposite me upped and left the train, she jumped into the seat and cut me a dirty look before disappearing back into her phone.

It was a pretty uncomfortable but I don't think I did anything wrong.

Would you have given her the seat?

Nope - and from your description so far I can not see any reason why I might/should/would.

This does not sound like a seating issue or an ethics issue. You merely met a twit. There is a few of them out there alas.

Lorelli!

It could be just that you were looking to much into it and she was just miserable about something else or you could be right and she did feel entitled to the seat. Either way I wouldn't worry about it. I don't think it's a majority thing that healthy young women who aren't pregnant or anything expect a man to give up his seat. I wouldn't. Even a lot of pregnant women don't feel entitled to a seat but probably would be grateful for one.

You can get the odd arsehole on public transport though. I once got elbowed in the side by a man when we were all standing in a packed train. He was cursing to himself under his breath because it was so busy. I couldn't believe it and still didn't think it was intentional until i saw him try to shove at two blokes standing by us. They told him to ****off and that shut him up quickly.

I am sorry, you woman, I would give you my seat but then I would be sexist

Blacktie.

I think you're looking into this a bit much. I've never heard of a woman just expecting a seat for being a woman unless elderly or pregnant.

incentsitive

Diemos wrote: »

I've had my ball$ chewed for offering seats to eldery 'ladies' on more than one occasion.

Jesus, nice. Where did this happen? Might try the same tactic, I just hope it wasn't the old lady doing the chewing?

BarryD2

Are you a gentleman or not?

B-D-P--

BarryD2 wrote: »

Are you a gentleman or not?

A tasteless gentleman some might say :P

Diemos

incentsitive wrote: »

Jesus, nice. Where did this happen? Might try the same tactic, I just hope it wasn't the old lady doing the chewing?

Once on the DART, twice on Dublin bus.
It was the old lady who did the chewing everytime.
Horrible scene cos the whole bus or carriage stops and looks at you while you are being berated.
They maybe the ass but you still feel awful.

Diemos

Blacktie. wrote: »

I think you're looking into this a bit much. I've never heard of a woman just expecting a seat for being a woman unless elderly or pregnant.

I'm notoriously bad for reading situations.....This woman was pissed because I would not offer up my seat. 100%.

Diemos

BarryD2 wrote: »

Are you a gentleman or not?

I try....thats the important bit right :P

Keyzer

Blacktie. wrote: »

I think you're looking into this a bit much. I've never heard of a woman just expecting a seat for being a woman unless elderly or pregnant.

I've been subjected to this a few times on the train. Death stares, apparently unintentionally hit with a bag when the person turned around, mad stuff altogether. Some wagon was staring at me so much one morning I asked her if she had a problem, she didnt look at me again after that. It was genuinely uncomfortable.

I'm sorry but in my head im think "go fúck yourself", I paid for my ticket and I'm entitled to my seat. I'll gladfully give it up for a pregnant lady or someone elderly.

After that, everyone else can get stuffed.

uncommon_name

I have been in similar situations. I will always give up my seat to an elderly person or a pregnant person. I have been given out to before by an old woman for asking her did she want my seat, I politely told her where to go and people like her are the reason people will stop doing it altogether.

But I have also been given out to by a woman for not giving my seat to another woman who was probably in her 50's. Absolutely nothing wrong with her, not pregnant not excessively old looking. I just ignored her before she moved on to the next male to try get him to give up his seat. I think its very unfair to expect a male to stand just because he is a male (that is sexism), if you don't deserve the seat then you don't deserve it.
Also had a woman ask me for my seat on the DART one day, again she wasn't old or pregnant and there was no reason why she couldn't stand for 20 minutes. I was working on my laptop on the way to a meeting and she expected me to put it away and stand up instead. Pretty obvious I said NO!!!! to her too.

D3V!L

What about men who need seats too ? One of my neighbours brings his baby to a creche near where I work and I see him on the Luas or bus with her. He's fit enough and carries the child. People will out and out ignore him unless he makes it a point of asking can he sit.

Also after having a bad car accident 4 years ago I suffer from bouts of chronic back pain. I've had old women (and young) look for my seat and had them go through me when I say I need it more than them. Just standing sometimes is painful for me.

El Grifo

This can be tricky alright. You can so easily be wrong no matter how good the intention. It sounds like the OP just met a twit and there's no way I'd be moving in that situation either. Although I'm heading for the age where people may be more inclined to give me a seat than other way round. That being said, I'd feel uncomfortable not giving up seat to a person elderly / pregnant or anyway challenged. I suppose was just the way we were brought up in the 60s/70s.

The one thing that bugs me though is you hold a door open say in a shop for the next person coming out after you and they and others walk on past no one taking control of the door and you're left standing there like the doorman at the Ritz, except without the tips.

Defunkd

I've never been in such a situation but i don't see how someone could even have the balls to ask a stranger to give up their seat. That would never enter my mind.

On 9gag last week, a pic was doing the rounds of about 5 women seated on a train while a guy with an obvious prosthetic leg had to sit on his bag on the floor. He wasn't making a deal out of it...it was a photo another commuter took and made a point without having to actually make a point. I'd post it if i knew how.

uncommon_name wrote: »

I will always give up my seat to an elderly person or a pregnant person.

A pregnant "person"? Lol!

harr

I would give up my seat for an elderly person, pregnant woman, disabled person or a parent with children but not a hope of giving it up for any able bodied person man or woman.
I have gotten an ear full in the past for offering my seat to a lady in her 60,s and on a few occasions have got accused of being sexist for holding a door open for someone.
Out of habit and manners I hold a door open for most people without even thinking.

H3llR4iser

harr wrote: »

I would give up my seat for an elderly person, pregnant woman, disabled person or a parent with children but not a hope of giving it up for any able bodied person man or woman.
I have gotten an ear full in the past for offering my seat to a lady in her 60,s and on a few occasions have got accused of being sexist for holding a door open for someone.
Out of habit and manners I hold a door open for most people without even thinking.

What the holy heck...I always hold doors if somebody is behind me, it's part of being a decent human. To this day I've never been berated for it, but if it did happen like it has to you...hopefully it'll be from somebody in my office or apartment building, so I can make a point of purposely shut the door in their faces from that moment on.