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Relationship dilemma

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  • 27-09-2018 8:36am
    #1
    bleach94
    Registered Users Posts: 282 ✭✭


    Hi all! So long story short, my girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me a week ago. I had felt she'd been quite disconnected the last few weeks, but things had been fine other than that. I called her out on it and we met up, where she said she just didn't know if she was still in love and felt she needed to be single.

    We met up last night again. My girlfriend had suffered with anxiety and depression recently after struggling to find a job after college, as well as an awful situation with her family at home. And that unhappiness has fed into our relationship a lot. She said last night that the last week has made her realise that she had let all the other stuff consume her, completely cloud her judgement and stopped her making an effort. She realises she needs to better manage her own life but says she does still love me and that if I felt like trying again, she would like to.

    I still love her, but told her I felt it was right for now to each of us focus on our own lives, be happy on our own, and see where we go.

    Ive been coping generally OK, missing her but taking the time for myself and keeping normal. After last night I'm so confused, as I do still love her and when things are good, which is the majority of the time, we are great together. This was the case as recently as 3 weeks ago.

    What do I do? My brain is telling me take some time, my head is saying I want her back, and I don't want to make the wrong decision. We were best friends before we went out, and still are.

    Can anyone give me advice?


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    #2
    Vicxas
    Registered Users Posts: 15,305 ✭✭✭✭Vicxas


    No one can answer for your heart, but it sounds like she had a knee jerk reaction to the break up and it actually sounds like you both taking time to re-asses is the best thing for both of you.

    You made the right decision i think by letting the breakup breathe.


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    #3
    LushiousLips
    Registered Users Posts: 426 ✭✭LushiousLips


    Life is too short. Go tell her you love her.


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    #4
    zapper55
    Registered Users Posts: 684 ✭✭✭zapper55


    LushiousLips wrote: »
    Life is too short. Go tell her you love her.

    Life is also too short to be in a relationship where both of you are unhappy. Op definitely a good idea to let things settle. When someone breaks up with you, no matter their reason it's a good time to reassess.


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    #5
    ConnyMcDavid
    Registered Users Posts: 229 ✭✭ConnyMcDavid


    I would leave it op. 4 years is a long time to be together and then to have doubts. I think she may have unexpected the emotion of the breakup and panicking wants to come back.

    But I think these issues would resurface again in the near future. You say yourself you are doing OK with it. Your feeling will get better with time.

    You should take an extended break to think at least. Don't go rushing back.


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    #6
    Dog walker 1234
    Registered Users Posts: 1,283 ✭✭✭Dog walker 1234


    Use this break as an opportunity to assess the strength and depth of the relationship. If it is meant to be, both of you will have had time to sort out your priorities and the relationship will be the better for the timeout.


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    #7
    Virgil°
    Registered Users Posts: 1,237 ✭✭✭Virgil°


    bleach94 wrote: »
    Hi all! So long story short, my girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me a week ago. I had felt she'd been quite disconnected the last few weeks, but things had been fine other than that.

    This is a very common behavioural trait. A doubt crossed her mind about the relationship , one which has probably been building for a while. The few distant weeks were her way of trying to work up the courage to break things off.

    I called her out on it and we met up, where she said she just didn't know if she was still in love and felt she needed to be single.

    Its just my own experience OP and it may sound harsh. But depression or anxiety or whatever troubling events that occured(external to the relationship) don't lead someone to say something like this. She riled herself up over weeks to blurt this out. Peoples emotions in long term stable relationships tend not to spin on a dime unless some event internal to the relationship occurs(cheating, fighting etc.....). Its unlikely she realised she was falling out of love with you and then in the space of a week did a 180 to loving you again.

    I think shes panicking. She may have lost interest in the relationship but its a warm predicable blanket and she just got her first taste of the bitter cold in ages. So shes scarpered back to you in the meantime until shes really ready or finds another blanket. I could be talking out my hoop here OP but I reckon if you take her back you'll be looking at another breakup in the not so distant future, potentially as a result of being replaced by another lad.

    In the end, you know her best and only you can decide if its worth the risk.
    All the best OP.


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