How do you find someone from your past whose locked in an Institution?

owla

Hi there
I lost contact with a friend; we used to sit together in secondary school. As there was no social media at the time when we left school we lost contact. I have heard 30 years later this person has spent their life in a mental institution following a breakdown; I am truamatised how this beautiful girl could be locked away all this time; all I have is a name; is there a way of finding out where she is? or is this confidential information. I don't want to find her family and ask as it seems she has been 'away' a long time and maybe they are not wanting people to meddle or enquire. Any advice on how to find someone lost in an Irish institution and are the public allowed to visit?

Foweva Awone

In fairness out of respect for her privacy, I don't think this is information you should seek out ... or, if you are going to, approach her family directly instead of trying to work around them.

Tell me how

owla wrote: »

Hi there
I lost contact with a friend; we used to sit together in secondary school. As there was no social media at the time when we left school we lost contact. I have heard 30 years later this person has spent their life in a mental institution following a breakdown; I am truamatised how this beautiful girl could be locked away all this time; all I have is a name; is there a way of finding out where she is? or is this confidential information. I don't want to find her family and ask as it seems she has been 'away' a long time and maybe they are not wanting people to meddle or enquire. Any advice on how to find someone lost in an Irish institution and are the public allowed to visit?

Given such a tenuous link to the person, I'd say you have very little hope of identifying where this person might be.

Your intentions might be good, but say you were a nosy neighbour trying to ask the same questions, there is no way that information would be shared as to names and original home addresses of residents. And rightly so.

Del2005

I'd say that there are massive privacy issues with trying to find someone's location in the health system.

Could you contact the family and say that you haven't seen her since school and want to make contact again? If they don't help I'm not sure how you can legally find her.

wexie

owla wrote: »

Any advice on how to find someone lost in an Irish institution

The only way would be through the family, or someone else who might know.
I'm not sure why you might think that any kind of 'institution' would give this information to Joe/Joanne Randomer.

owla wrote: »

and are the public allowed to visit?

Probably although perhaps it might depend on their condition, but why do you think your 'friend' might appreciate a visit from someone they haven't seen for so long? Who hasn't shown an interest in their lives or wellbeing for so long?

owla

You are right. Maybe she wouldn't. But surely extending a hand of friendship to someone who has been through so much and perhaps, needlessly locked away for her entire adult life, might be be such a bad idea. People write to people on death row for Gods sake. This is not being nosy; it is trying to extend a hand. But your right, maybe people should be left alone.

looksee

Her family do not know that you have just discovered her situation, (and its just possible it could be wrong information). If you know where to find them, why not simply make contact and say that you had been thinking about old school friends, you remember x because you used to sit with her in school, and you would like to make contact. See what sort of reply you get, don't pursue it if they 'fob you off'.

Tell me how

owla wrote: »

You are right. Maybe she wouldn't. But surely extending a hand of friendship to someone who has been through so much and perhaps, needlessly locked away for her entire adult life, might be be such a bad idea. People write to people on death row for Gods sake. This is not being nosy; it is trying to extend a hand. But your right, maybe people should be left alone.

Write to the family and ask them to forward your note. They might not, but it is probably the best you can do.

Even given the stories we have heard of people being locked up against their will in the past, I truly hope that that is no longer happening in 2018. This unfortunate person might not even remember you. Don't get too invested in this is my two cents even though it is lovely to hear of someone wanting to be kind to someone.

owla

Thanks everyone. I have been thinking of little else lately. I might make contact with the family who knows; maybe its best to leave it alone. One assumes people grow up and have lives; it is traumatizing to find out that society leaves some beautiful young people with potential behind; I am wondering if it happened today and not in the 1980s would she have fared any better.

Thanks for the support. you have all put it in perspective for me.

Graces7

owla wrote: »

Thanks everyone. I have been thinking of little else lately. I might make contact with the family who knows; maybe its best to leave it alone. One assumes people grow up and have lives; it is traumatizing to find out that society leaves some beautiful young people with potential behind; I am wondering if it happened today and not in the 1980s would she have fared any better.

Thanks for the support. you have all put it in perspective for me.

Thank you for this thread. I am someone who lost touch with old friends through various circs including my lost decades through misdiagnosed mental illness and keep wondering whether or not to try to contact them, with the same reservations folk here are having.

But the past is always part of us. And at my advanced age I am well aware that many I knew will be dead now

Now you have me wondering how I would react if someone from my long ago past were to make contact... Yes I would be delighted and honoured..

Today I aim to email one such friend as her husband is online through his work.... THANK YOU!

owla

Wow thank you for the positive replies. I hope that this contact was successful for you, I am sorry to her about your illness in the past and that some people have to be much braver facing into life than others.

Graces7

Been thinking about this a lot. It is and was in the 80s very rare for anyone to be "incarcerated" for life. Or for decades. The huge mental institutions were gradually being closed down then and soon after. With modern meds they were less needed.

Even the Magdalen laundries were dwindling; last one closed in 1996

So I am wondering about the source of your information? and the accuracy?

Can you check it in any way?

Wondering if you have contacted the family? You know this may be something that would help them? People are still so wary re mental illness.

owla

No I have decided not to contact the family but have put some feelers out. I don't expect to hear anytime soon but if I do will keep you posted. I know the fact that it was the 1980s makes it shocking. I am hoping the info is not true and no online presence is not the end of the world, I hope I return to the forum with better news! I hope you are keeping well also.

Graces7

owla wrote: »

No I have decided not to contact the family but have put some feelers out. I don't expect to hear anytime soon but if I do will keep you posted. I know the fact that it was the 1980s makes it shocking. I am hoping the info is not true and no online presence is not the end of the world, I hope I return to the forum with better news! I hope you are keeping well also.

No, that is not what I meant. If she was or is in a long stay facility it would mean that there is a very, very good reason for her being there. ie serious mental illness that cannot be cared for elsewhere.

So no not shocking. In the sense that you mean it.

Sorry I did not explain it well..

owla

Oh yes I see what you mean; apologies, misread.

Graces7

owla wrote: »

Oh yes I see what you mean; apologies, misread.

The whole focus of treatment changed. Which is why i referred to the Magdalenes. In their day it was all too easy to get someone "put away" and never seen again and maybe that is what your informetr is thinking of.

Far far harder from 80s. Getting someone sectioned ie compulsorily admitted for evaluation and a life committal are very different , and there are all kinds of legal safeguards.

owla

Glad to hear it.

Graces7

owla wrote: »

Glad to hear it.

historian here...

blairbear

OP I have never posted in this forum but I feel compelled to here.

There is absolutely no above board way to find out information about this lady and it is such a huge invasion of privacy to even consider it, unless you approach her family directly. Her family should also not break her confidentiality though, if they are any way sensible, to a stranger satisfying idle curiosity. Come on OP, if you genuinely cared about this person you would have thought to seek them out at some point in the last 30 years.

You have no idea if this information is true. You have no idea about how her mental and physical health developed after you knew her. She could have suffered a brain injury or stroke which compromised her ability to be independent. She could have developed a debilitating mental illness. She could have been a danger to herself or others. Sitting beside her in class as teenagers means nothing.

No health care professional will tell you a thing (or risk being answerable to the medical council) and nor should they. This is not some fairytale story. You are not going to rescue her. Leave this lady and her family alone. Such an inappropriate idea!

owla

While I very much respect your response and your thoughts I think your response is very 'dogged'; I am certainly going to leave her alone however too many people in Irish society have been packed away in the past and natural empathy and my own personal conscience was more a a 'social conscience' of what happened in our society. BTW someone else posted that they had lost touch with many people due to illness of this nature and felt left behind, and very much appreciated a reach out from the past. I got an email lately from someone who purported to be related to me from a dna test, from someone I didn't even know. I appreciate your comments but not the dogged nature of your response.

dense

Reading this thread and the question "What benefit will it be?" if you visit the lady comes into my mind.


What kind of relationship do you envisage having with this lady?



Popping in out of the blue and never being seen there again could cause more harm than good.


I don't see any mention of regularly visiting or having any "plan" in place should a visit ever occur.



Who benefits from this proposed visit, the visitor or the patient?


I don't doubt your motives but there may be unintended consequences.

wakka12

Maybe dont get so down about it until you hear more about whats happened her. To us, being locked away for that amount of time would be unthinkable, but Im sure if shes been there that long its for very justified reasons, maybe shes even content there, and wouldnt have been able to fend for herslef on the outside. And just because she was normal when you knew her doesnt mean she couldnt have developed mental illness later in life. Just saying, theres a lot of things that could have happened her and not just a case of a pretty nice girl locked away in a dungeon for no reason and the key thrown away, hope you find her though!And hope her life hasnt been as bad for her as it first sounds

Gremlinertia

Closing this thread now as it didn't really fit initially but as it has gone off topic i feel i have to lock it.. If you have any opinions please feel free to PM me or indeed another mod.