I think I’m a sociopath

Ferragamopysch

Or just have Anti-Social Personality Disorder.

I’m 21, male.
I know the dangers with self diagnosis, I have seen a number of psychologists, counselors, doctors and a psychiatrist.
All said to get therapy, the counselors shuffled me around.
All are very hesitant to diagnose, naturally.

I went because I suspected I had depression and it was affecting college..
Turns out I don’t I just have feelings of primarily emptiness and boredom, it all manifests as anger, and irritability.
One suggestion was ‘I use these issues or that I create disruptions to keep myself entertained, a new focus’... because I’ve fallen into or out of most things I’ve done..

I think I might be a sociopath, or psychopath depending on the distinction.
I just want to point out, I’m not worried about it, this isn’t that.. but I’m interested in what would happen if I did get a proper diagnosis, why I would etc.

I probably have the precursor conduct disorder.
I flipped tables and broke pens over nothing while in national school, I would say anything to get to the teacher.
I got into a lot of fights almost choking a a classmate on conscious.
As a teen I was in with the wrong crowd, drinking, fighting etc...

I’ll give some current examples:

My father had prostate cancer during my Leaving Cert.
It was caught early, he had his prostate removed and there’s been no further signs..
It didn’t affect my results.
He said he cried over it a number of times, thinking of us growing up without a father..
When he asked me about it I just state off the facts - caught early, low metastasis rate, no further issues etc.
I care for him, I saw him in ICU after the surgery and I realized I’d miss him if I didn’t have him but it wasn’t empathy..

My two dogs had cancer in the space of a year, mother and daughter, daughter first.. she had it removed and was fine.
Mother had terminal cancer, long story short we were bringing her to the vet to be put down.
She had lost most of her movement and screeched in pain at random.
Everyone was saying their goodbyes, everyone else was crying.. I knew I’d miss her, I’ve had her for 10 years but I wasn’t crying, I just knew I’d miss her.

I was the one to hold her down in the kitchen when a vet had to preform emergency surgery one night, she’s fine now.

I’ve been accused of abusing/hitting our dogs before.
I haven’t.
I just get annoyed when they rush to the door during an arguement in the house.
Or when they barked..
I just don’t have much patience for them.
My mother made a point of me using ‘finger guns’ at them.
When ones looking at me I point finger guns pretend to pull the trigger, and make the noise.
They don’t always seem to like me if I’m being totally honest.

I don’t have many friends, I’m fine in social situations, especially nights out I spend the time chatting up girls and flirting away.
But I’ve fallen out or grown apart from most people from college, haven’t talked to old housemates at all etc..

I also lie a lot.

I’m posting because I can’t say it to anyone, I don’t care what they think but it’s only going to hinder me, everyone would just look out for the signs, see the symptoms, question everything and discredit anything I said..
So why get a diagnosis?
There is no supposed ‘cure’ and the only affect would be negative same as stated above..

But it’s something I’m getting interested in, I’ve always been interested in psychology and what makes people tick so this seems like a natural progression.

So what I’m essentially asking his what are the positives of getting a diagnosis and just your general thoughts.

lenan

Did you ever think about getting assessed to see if you're on the Autism Spectrum?

It may be worth looking into and might give some answers.

Ferragamopysch

lenan wrote: »

Did you ever think about getting assessed to see if you're on the Autism Spectrum?

It may be worth looking into and might give some answers.

I have, it was mentioned by one psychiatrist but it was dismissed, he said I showed some aspects but he highly doubted I fit that diagnosis and didn’t give any further thought to it..

I have a cousin with ASD
I don’t struggle to understand emotion, I just probably feel a more blunt form of them.. that could be utter nonsense but that’s the best way to describe it.
I understand people pretty well in general.
I see a lot of differences between me and my cousin but I can also see some similarities so I can see where you’re coming from.

KevinCavan

How do you feel around young children? I think its hard not be positive about humanity, when you are around children. I think we can all become numbed emotionally, due to being hurt by others and certain disappointments in our lives. Our life experiences can harden our hearts and make us feel a bit heartless. I am less positive about others than I was 10 years ago, my heart has definitely hardened somewhat.

Ferragamopysch

KevinCavan wrote: »

How do you feel around young children? I think its hard not be positive about humanity, when you are around children. I think we can all become numbed emotionally, due to being hurt by others and certain disappointments in our lives. Our life experiences can harden our hearts and make us feel a bit heartless. I am less positive about others than I was 10 years ago, my heart has definitely hardened somewhat.

Not very good.
I’m fine at the joking laughing bits but I don’t like being around them for too long.
I remember having young cousins both >5 staying with us for a weekend and I had to relegate myselfs to my room with a locked door.
I don’t want to watch whatever it is you want to watch, I don’t want to tip toe around the fact that it’s a war video game and all that goes with it, the shooting etc.

I’m generally a pessimistic person, I don’t see people as inherently good, I think that believe is inherently flawed.
I think most people are ultimately selfish and they let some people under that umbrella.
I think the world is inherently flawed because people are inherently flawed.
When we have idiots celebrated the fans deserve being treated like sheep.
I think there are objectively good people, they are rare and there even rarer if they’re not blindly optimistic.

I want to get a lot out of life.
I’ve thought of becoming a surgeon but the schooling would drive me insane.
I now want to own a business, I’m interested in data analytics for target marketing.. some would consider that cruel or something like that..

I get constant sh*t from my parents for being very pessimistic

KevinCavan

Ferragamopysch wrote: »

Not very good.
I’m fine at the joking laughing bits but I don’t like being around them for too long.
I remember having young cousins both >5 staying with us for a weekend and I had to relegate myselfs to my room with a locked door.
I don’t want to watch whatever it is you want to watch, I don’t want to tip toe around the fact that it’s a war video game and all that goes with it, the shooting etc.

I’m generally a pessimistic person, I don’t see people as inherently good, I think that believe is inherently flawed.
I think most people are ultimately selfish and they let some people under that umbrella.
I think the world is inherently flawed because people are inherently flawed.
When we have idiots celebrated the fans deserve being treated like sheep.
I think there are objectively good people, they are rare and there even rarer if they’re not blindly optimistic.

I want to get a lot out of life.
I’ve thought of becoming a surgeon but the schooling would drive me insane.
I now want to own a business, I’m interested in data analytics for target marketing.. some would consider that cruel or something like that..

I get constant sh*t from my parents for being very pessimistic

How about enjoying the basic things in life, a walk in the countryside or at the beach? Go to the zoo and see all the weird and wonderful creatures out there? Plant something and watch it grow? Sometimes we can get too caught up in things of monetary value and forget to see the natural beauty around us. Maybe open your mind to the fact that there could be some purpose to our lives. I often think it would be a very pessimistic place to be if you absolutely believed that there was no “higher power,” that our lives have no purpose, we are all just here for survival. Maybe read up on people who changed the world in some way Muhammad Ali, Rosa Parks, Nelson Mandela or Ghandi. It is possible that reading about selfless people who put others first, would restore your faith in humanity. There are a lot of good people out there in everyday life and it’s too simplistic to think of everybody as being fundamentally bad.

Malayalam

I have no expertise in sociopathy or psychopathy, just so you know.
Few points though - take a long complete break from reading up about that stuff online or elsewhere. Sociopathy and psychopathy are such buzz diagnoses and are used far too often for blaming the crap state of the world on. I would say true sociopaths are rare, but that a lot of us have some sociapathic traits, along a spectrum. You do not sound at all like a true sociopath - if only because you have awareness of your lower expressiveness on the scale of empathy.

A surprising number of people have to deal with random usually unwelcome thoughts of contempt and hatred for fellow humans. Like caustic judgement that runs through when we don't want to judge, or feeling aloof from the rampant idiocy etc. Like the crazy urge to jump up and punch someone in the face on the underground or train that pops up out of nowhere the odd time especially when younger - random crap like that passing through sometimes in life. That's just weather passing through space - it's not important. Don't anchor into it. Just let it in one ear and out the other. Our minds are fairly weird places and very influenced by what we associate with - in terms of information, entertainment, people - so that's why I say don't immerse in the info.

I have known people close to me to wonder aloud about their apparent lack of empathy. Usually very intelligent people. Your concern is not unknown. I have seen that what they regard as lack of empathy is just a different angle on the world and that at heart they feel love just as much as those who can make great shows out of emotion and empathy. They just look at the world from a different point of view.

The pistol fingers at the dogs sounds like no big deal to me - they can be annoying little buggers and it's just a way to let off steam. We have always had animals and I mind them, care for them, am good to them, am quietly sad when they die and remember them afterwards, but I'm not overly pushed about them in terms of displaying it emotionally. I wouldn't gush over them or anything. So what?

As for all the other reactions you describe they just sound like you are less expressive externally and that you use rational responses more fluently than most. I wouldn't get hung up about it. I didn't cry at my father's funeral for example, but that doesn't mean that I didn't feel his loss acutely. And still do, I just don't emote about it. Sure around people who are easily moved to tears and exclamation one can feel like a bit of a weirdo, but it is just different personalities. You obviously feel love from what you write.

You sound like a normal human being along the widely varied scale of normal human beings. Get involved every week in some kind of flow activities that take you out of your head - like surfing (not online, in the sea!), or martial arts, or climbing, or something that takes concentration and blasts away pesky over-thinking. Don't look for a diagnosis. Instead find and follow your joy and expressiveness will fall in time into its own arc of healthy display.
Good luck!

Ferragamopysch

Malayalam wrote: »

I have no expertise in sociopathy or psychopathy, just so you know.
Few points though - take a long complete break from reading up about that stuff online or elsewhere. Sociopathy and psychopathy are such buzz diagnoses and are used far too often for blaming the crap state of the world on. I would say true sociopaths are rare, but that a lot of us have some sociapathic traits, along a spectrum. You do not sound at all like a true sociopath - if only because you have awareness of your lower expressiveness on the scale of empathy.

A surprising number of people have to deal with random usually unwelcome thoughts of contempt and hatred for fellow humans. Like caustic judgement that runs through when we don't want to judge, or feeling aloof from the rampant idiocy etc. Like the crazy urge to jump up and punch someone in the face on the underground or train that pops up out of nowhere the odd time especially when younger - random crap like that passing through sometimes in life. That's just weather passing through space - it's not important. Don't anchor into it. Just let it in one ear and out the other. Our minds are fairly weird places and very influenced by what we associate with - in terms of information, entertainment, people - so that's why I say don't immerse in the info.

I have known people close to me to wonder aloud about their apparent lack of empathy. Usually very intelligent people. Your concern is not unknown. I have seen that what they regard as lack of empathy is just a different angle on the world and that at heart they feel love just as much as those who can make great shows out of emotion and empathy. They just look at the world from a different point of view.

The pistol fingers at the dogs sounds like no big deal to me - they can be annoying little buggers and it's just a way to let off steam. We have always had animals and I mind them, care for them, am good to them, am quietly sad when they die and remember them afterwards, but I'm not overly pushed about them in terms of displaying it emotionally. I wouldn't gush over them or anything. So what?

As for all the other reactions you describe they just sound like you are less expressive externally and that you use rational responses more fluently than most. I wouldn't get hung up about it. I didn't cry at my father's funeral for example, but that doesn't mean that I didn't feel his loss acutely. And still do, I just don't emote about it. Sure around people who are easily moved to tears and exclamation one can feel like a bit of a weirdo, but it is just different personalities. You obviously feel love from what you write.

You sound like a normal human being along the widely varied scale of normal human beings. Get involved every week in some kind of flow activities that take you out of your head - like surfing (not online, in the sea!), or martial arts, or climbing, or something that takes concentration and blasts away pesky over-thinking. Don't look for a diagnosis. Instead find and follow your joy and expressiveness will fall in time into its own arc of healthy display.
Good luck!

Yeah I've just focused on college work over the last few days instead of reading too much into it.
From what I have noticed an awareness is not unusual but bringing it up/seeking a diagnosis is, a lot of 'high functioning' sociopaths will recognise they are in someway different to those around them, it's probably part of the cognitive empathy that is experienced.

I think while I do probably have a different angle/view of the world that and lack of empathy are not mutually exclusive.
I actually only started to really think about it because I've had issues with impulsivity and anger that my parents have made points of.

I'm tempted to go into the counselling service tomorrow at college and mention it..
I was thinking of going in anyway as they act as career guidance and I'm getting very bored at my degree.. which in itself could be used as example for the condition.

Thank you

Ferragamopysch

KevinCavan wrote: »

How about enjoying the basic things in life, a walk in the countryside or at the beach? Go to the zoo and see all the weird and wonderful creatures out there? Plant something and watch it grow? Sometimes we can get too caught up in things of monetary value and forget to see the natural beauty around us. Maybe open your mind to the fact that there could be some purpose to our lives. I often think it would be a very pessimistic place to be if you absolutely believed that there was no “higher power,” that our lives have no purpose, we are all just here for survival. Maybe read up on people who changed the world in some way Muhammad Ali, Rosa Parks, Nelson Mandela or Ghandi. It is possible that reading about selfless people who put others first, would restore your faith in humanity. There are a lot of good people out there in everyday life and it’s too simplistic to think of everybody as being fundamentally bad.

I usually don't pay too much attention, or I at least don't dwell on it too much.
I don't really care for money, or material possessions, but I care about having money, money is power, I want to be powerful and a byproduct of that is money.

From what I've read Nelson Mandelas daughter said he was a great man but you wouldn't want to be his daughter.

"When Gandhi's wife was stricken with pneumonia, British doctors told her husband that a shot of penicillin would heal her; nevertheless, Gandhi refused to have alien medicine injected into her body, and she died. Soon after, Gandhi caught malaria and, relenting from the standard applied to his wife, allowed doctors to save his life with quinine" - Truth about Gandhi The Harvard Crimson (can't post URLs)

I know there are good an selfless people, but they are individuals much like their opposites, the Ted Bundys and Jeffery Dahmers of this world..
I've never been religious, I have researched religions but never subscribed, I agree more so with Stephen Fry that even if there was a god and I arrived at the Gates of heaven, I wouldn't want to get in on his terms.. that's from the Gay Byrne interview/debate.

There is good in the world, just as there is bad, much of it is dependant on which side of history they're on, if they won or lose.
We remember facts false with convictions at times, we give opinions as facts very often and a lot of what we read in the news is an affect of emotion, there is bad that's just obvious, it's agreed upon.
But there is good that goes unnoticed, or misinterpreted.
Good and bad events take part each and everyday, I can't subscribe the an idea of optimism, I certainly can't subscribe to a notion that this is all a plan, it's a sadistic one if it is, we are creatures of habit born out of evolution not someones rib.
The world is both good and bad, sometimes one more so than the other, that also depends on what we see, hear and read.
Some things are just fundamentally bad, some are fundamentally good, some are up for debate.

dudara

A strong reminder to all, including the OP, to avoid medical diagnosis. Leave that to the trained professionals. General advice is fine.

dudara

December2012

I think you should mention how you're feeling to your college mental health services. Your instinct is right on that fact

leggo

I became obsessed with sociopathy/psychopathy a few years ago, I tend to just get really nerdy about learning about certain things at any given time. So I'm no qualified expert, but I would've read and studied a lot on it and I'd feel relatively confident in being able to spot certain traits in people (if not diagnose).

You don't strike me as one from what you explain in your posts. The thing with sociopaths is that they tend to be quite charming, the life and soul of the party, and are very good at getting people around them to follow them to do their bidding. The old pop psychology stat is that 10% of the world's CEOs are psychopaths...I don't put too much stock in it, but it kind of gets the point across. So a lot of the people you'd associate as 'the leader of the pack' would qualify. They tend to be surrounded by people but you seem quite isolated and that people distance themselves from you. They tend to resist any kind of identification and react badly to someone seeing through the veil, you seem to be completely open to showing your traits. For example, if you were a sociopath, you'd be high on the narcissistic scale too and the idea that something might be 'wrong' with you would appal you. Sociopaths tend to see the world as wrong and they're the only ones with the answers. You seem quite open to the idea that you might be somewhat broken.

I think you're focused on the low empathy aspect, which does seem to be the case from what you describe, but you're low on the manipulative side altogether as you don't seem to be particularly good at or interested in manipulating people (and that's not an insult btw), and that part is kind of key to the personality type. As is the egotistical/narcissistic side.

I'd definitely continue to chat with professionals about it. There probably is something there with your low levels of empathy, but don't get too bogged down in this avenue and just be open to figuring out how to function best in the world. People with low empathy can be high-functioning and high-achieving too, so it's not necessarily a bad thing if you're using your 'powers' for good of course.

Wanderer2010

I suppose a big test is, how do you think you would feel if you had someone you didn't like at your mercy, say tied to a chair or something, would you hurt that person if you had a weapon at your disposal? And do you think you would enjoy it? And please don't give a bravado answer, genuinely think about how you would feel in that scenario.

dudara

OK - I'm not comfortable with recent comments. None of us are medical professionals capable of assisting or diagnosing the OP. This is something best left to professionals.

dudara