I'm just so sad with life

Toosadtogoon

A year ago I went from being engaged, happy, saving for a home, having friends to losing all of it. I've spent the last year trying to rebuild my life. I've joined teams, put myself out there to meet people, tried the dating apps, gone on dates which have come to nothing, tried make new friends.
Yet here I am another Friday night home alone, no one to talk to. I'm crying into my pillow as I write this not knowing why this has happened to me.

My ex walked out on me after 14 years together, my friends are all married, settled or just not interested in meeting up regularly. I don't see any future for myself and I'm terrified of where these thoughts are gonna take me

sibeen99

<SNIP> no need to quote OP in first response.

Hi,

You are not alone in thinking like this and it’s great that you are here and willing to talk about them.

It sounds like things are tough at the moment and you’ve had a hard year. Be kind to yourself. It can take time to heal but trust that things will get better. Take it Day by day and find something everyday to be thankful for, no matter how small. Often it’s the little things that count.

I’m sorry I don’t have any better advice, I’m sure others will. I just want you to know you’re not alone.

GreeBo

Was in the same place about 6 years ago and am now married with a baby!

You never know whats around the corner so just try to keep active and socialising

KERSPLAT!

It may feel like it'll never get better but I promise it will. Things like this happen to people every day and like the above poster, you don't know what's around the corner, lots of good things I'm sure

Continue saving for a house, keep socialising, focus on things you enjoy. Little by little things will improve.

Tina82

Just get through tonight ... sometimes the nights are the worst. Give things time ... it will get better ...x

Toosadtogoon

KERSPLAT! wrote: »

It may feel like it'll never get better but I promise it will. Things like this happen to people every day and like the above poster, you don't know what's around the corner, lots of good things I'm sure

Continue saving for a house, keep socialising, focus on things you enjoy. Little by little things will improve.

I really want to believe this. I really feel like there's a curse on me though. I feel like I'm walking around with a signpost over my head that tells people to run for the hills.

ginandtonicsky

It takes time to heal from heartache, usually a lot more time than you’d expect. I find myself getting impatient with myself and with life too.

A hell of a lot of people, if not the majority have been through it though and have gone on to live happy, prosperous lives. You will too. You just need to sit back and work through the pain and sadness so that you can put your best foot forward in life.

There’s a few things you can’t control in life and one of them is when you meet the right partner. The number one most important part of that is being comfortable in who and where you are in life and having a positive, happy attitude towards things. It sounds like you’re going through the motions but feeding yourself negative lines about how you’re cursed and how awful your life is.

In short, it sounds like you’re not ready to date again yet. One year after such a long term relationship is really not that long. Would you consider a bit of counselling to help you to work through the breakup? What are you doing to keep yourself healthy? Do you exercise, eat well, spend time with family, write in a journal, etc?

Biggest things that are working for me are getting to the gym as much as possible, keeping my diet clean abs making sure I get my sleep.

Toosadtogoon

I've joined a sports team so that gets me out during the week. I try eat and have cut back massively on takeaways and all the things I ate with my ex.
Not having someone to talk to whenever I want is just so isolating for me. I have to wait for friends to be free.
I've started dreading the weekends at least during the week I'm in work and surrounded by people.

ginandtonicsky

That’s funny because I absolutely live for the weekends, a chance to spend more time at the gym, get loads of organising done, watch that film I so badly want to see, do some shopping, sit with a book in my favourite cafe.

You need to learn to be comfortable with yourself. To enjoy your own company and know when to practice self-care and accept your new reality of being single. Feeling lonely is a part of life, whether you’re single or not. Some of the loneliest times I’ve had in life were when I was with my ex, unsure about our future and deep-down knowing we probably didn’t have one.

Keeping busy is good, but if you don’t deal with the feelings the breakup has landed you with and process every belief and thought it’s given you about yourself, then you’re just wandering around like a headless chicken waiting to fall into the wrong relationship again and making yourself more and more miserable every day.

It’s your responsibility to slow down and deal with this. It’s also your responsibility to be uncomfortable - this is where change happens. It’s not going to kill you to sit and feel lonely on the weekend. Conquer your fear of that. Sit and feel like **** and realise it’s not the end of the world! Push through it and take control of those feelings so as a first step, you can begin to enjoy your time on your own. You can enjoy figuring things out for yourself, without using someone else as a crutch.

My advice would be to get off the dating apps for now. You might be in the mood for them when you’re feeling a bit more positive about yourself, but they are no place for someone who is vulnerable and actively looking for someone to “fix” their problems, which seems to be where you are right now.

You’re going to be fine. You’re going to unlock all of this, but it’s not going to happen in the negative, panicked headspace you’re currently in.

dudara

OP - you’ve started multiple threads in PI over the years. The mods were tolerant of your latest threads, but once again it’s clear that you’re over relying on PI. Please seek some guidance from a professional and do not start any more threads.

dudara