Brother in law with addiction (advice needed)

WireMan2017

spammed

LegacyUser

WireMan2017 wrote: »

I want him to be there for my sister and my nephew,

Really? Why? Most people would say they'd rather somebody like that was as far away from their family as possible. Anyway, it's not really your choice, its your sister's. I doubt that she really doesn't know, but just on the off-chance, you'll have to tell her, she deserves to know what he's up to before things get any worse. It's up to her then if she wants to try to help him or cut him off before he does any more damage.

Ghekko

Why would people be asking you for money to pay his debts? I sincerely hope you don't pay up. He's not even your brother in law, he's not related in any way. He's a boyfriend of your sister. Ignore any messages that you get - in fact block numbers of anyone who texts you looking for money. And for gods sake tell your sister what's going on. Give her the option to get the hell away from him. He's involved in drugs - he's no good to her or their child as long as that's happening.

Big Bag of Chips

If he has a drink and coke problem then unless your sister has no contact with him, she knows he has a drink and drugs problem. She may be ignoring it, but she knows. From experience I can tell you nothing you do or say will make a difference. Stop engaging with anyone contacting you for money. By getting involved in any way you are just making life easy for him, and making it easier to continue on.

Best thing you can do is warn you sister to be careful, to not leave her child alone with him and then stop trying to fix his life.

Riesen_Meal

I know you only want what's best for your sister and nephew but do you not think it's a little odd for you to be butting into your sister's relationship like that?

If the shoe was on the other foot (I have a sister with a nephew) I think I would be sitting down for a wee chat with my brother in law and not involving my sister at all in this...

Big Bag of Chips

If your sister doesn't know anything then why is she coming crying to you and he's saying he's not "allowed" out? I think you need to concentrate less on him and more on supporting your sister. An alcoholic drug addict who goes out and gets wasted and owes drug debts is not a good father and unless he sorts himself out and gives up the drink and drugs then he is only going in one direction... Trust me.

.......

She comes to you crying yet she is oblivious to what is going on?

He isnt allowed out but then he goes out and drinks and gets coke on tick that people are ringing YOU to pay for?

Something isnt adding up here.

MissShihTzu

How is it the dealers know your number? They probably know where you live too

Look - If all that you say is true, and the coke purchased is NOT yours? You need to realise something here. Your sister and her bloke are taking the mick out of you. Big time. Boyfriend's getting the Charlie on tick and telling the dealer you're good for the money!! I don't buy the fact your sister doesn't know either. She knows all right.

Nope. No way. I'd be rowing out the bloke. If anyone calls looking for money, tell them to speak to him. I don't care how nice he is. If he can't pay, he's a big boy. That's HIS lookout!

Keep a close eye on your sister and the baby. But do not get involved.

power pants

Your sister knows only too well that she’s living with a junkie
Unfortunately for you, I think they are playing you for a fool

A cokehead doesn’t care about anyone or anything , just wants their coke and money to pay it

I hope you are not paying their debts ?

TomOnBoard

Difficult situation for all involved, OP.

Id suggest you speak with someone who is professionally involved in the subject to get advice.

Would a resource like this help?

http://www.services.drugs.ie

blairbear

OP, the likelihood of drug dealers asking you to pay this man's debts if you are totally uninvolved in the regular purchase of drugs yourself, is pretty much zero. That must be quite the inconvenience for you.

He is not a good father. Substance abuse issues and excelling at parenthood are mutually exclusive. He could become a good father in time if he received acute and ongoing treatment for his addictions, but he sure as hell isn't a good one now.

He should be nowhere NEAR that child. Not in a month of Sundays. If this is genuine concern for your sister, you need to come together as a family and give her support to get away.

You will not solve this with a conversation. These issues often cannot be solved with years of treatment. You will all have one less problem without him being in your lives. I advise that you pass on the dealer messages to the Gardai if you are indeed a totally innocent party.

Foweva Awone

I'd suggest both you and your sister go to an Al-Anon meeting - these are available all over the country. If you are in Dublin, it would also be well worth attending a Coolmine Family Support meeting (Thursday evenings on Lord Edward Street.)

You will meet people in both these groups who will support you and advise you on how you can help him and, more importantly, where your limitations are. You'll get far better information face-to-face from people who've been through this than you'll get online.

nikkibikki

WireMan2017 wrote:

Don't get me wrong he is a great father to his child, he absolutely adores him, but this is why i'm reaching out for help, He gives out saying hes never aloud out yet when he does go out he just doesn't know when enough is enough. You know what i'm trying to say?

A great father does not leave his family struggle to pay bills while he's out squandering money on drink and drugs.

If dealers are looking for money, he's also putting your sister and nephew in danger.