Question re Creche fees & maintenance

newboard

Hi all,
My child's mother was due to go back to college as a mature student (on back to education) when she became pregnant.

The college has a connection to a creche, where children of students/staff etc get priority for places.

My daughter's mother was able to get a reduction on creche fees by 50% prior to starting college - she says that this was granted by the college themselves rather than done through social welfare.

I paid the (reduced) creche fees over the 4+ years our daughter was in the creche, which totalled around €21,000. fwiw I also gave cash in hand, paid for misc. expenses etc - I've calculated my contributions to be just under €50,000 as a conservative estimation, our daughter is 6 years old.

She is stating that my contribution towards the creche fees was just me paying my half, and that her half was paid for by the college. Is this the norm and considered fair? As far as I would understand it, the total costs are the total costs either way and that a 50/50 arrangement would be each person paying 50% of whatever the costs were.

Would appreciate your thoughts. Thank you

Payton

newboard wrote: »

Hi all,
My child's mother was due to go back to college as a mature student (on back to education) when she became pregnant.

The college has a connection to a creche, where children of students/staff etc get priority for places.

My daughter's mother was able to get a reduction on creche fees by 50% prior to starting college - she says that this was granted by the college themselves rather than done through social welfare.

I paid the (reduced) creche fees over the 4+ years our daughter was in the creche, which totalled around €21,000. fwiw I also gave cash in hand, paid for misc. expenses etc - I've calculated my contributions to be just under €50,000 as a conservative estimation, our daughter is 6 years old.

She is stating that my contribution towards the creche fees was just me paying my half, and that her half was paid for by the college. Is this the norm and considered fair? As far as I would understand it, the total costs are the total costs either way and that a 50/50 arrangement would be each person paying 50% of whatever the costs were.

Would appreciate your thoughts. Thank you

Regarding the misc. expenses did you see any proof of the correct expense such as receipts?

newboard

Payton wrote: »

Regarding the misc. expenses did you see any proof of the correct expense such as receipts?

No, not at all. She's refused to ever sit down and go through actual costs with me. I didn't expect actual receipts btw, I just wanted a fair and transparent mutual look at costs/outgoings so that we could both come to an agreement as to what was fair. She refused to do so, she just gave a number that she thought was fair (€1000/month). The creche money is a big one and it's something she's holding onto as just being my half and her half being covered by the college.

Payton

It's common practice if there are out goings for your child to be made aware of them and pay 50/50 such as School uniform, books, sport club membership etc and ask for the school book list etc and pay 50% through the bank stating on the transaction school books (paper trail).
Regarding the creche fees I'd say you have lost out on trying to get your money back from her. Ask the creche how much the fees are and pay your share you have a right to know but be mindful in future of any out goings unless you see some form of proof, and dont be afraid to ask the school or club how much is due and you'll pay your share.
Also on a side note if your paying child maintance through a court order pay that through a bank/building society and not cash..incase you get burnt again.
Id like to think she's not taking you for a mug and useing you as a cash cow. Stand your ground and if she uses your visitations with your child as a tool for more money and withholding your visits its back to court you go, a judge will take a very dim view of her actions.

newboard

Payton wrote: »

It's common practice if there are out goings for your child to be made aware of them and pay 50/50 such as School uniform, books, sport club membership etc and ask for the school book list etc and pay 50% through the bank stating on the transaction school books (paper trail).
Regarding the creche fees I'd say you have lost out on trying to get your money back from her. Ask the creche how much the fees are and pay your share you have a right to know but be mindful in future of any out goings unless you see some form of proof, and dont be afraid to ask the school or club how much is due and you'll pay your share.
Also on a side note if your paying child maintance through a court order pay that through a bank/building society and not cash..incase you get burnt again.
Id like to think she's not taking you for a mug and useing you as a cash cow. Stand your ground and if she uses your visitations with your child as a tool for more money and withholding your visits its back to court you go, a judge will take a very dim view of her actions.

Thanks for the reply. Oh she definitely took me for a mug and a cash cow. I'm not seeking or expecting any kind of repayments on the amounts I have contributed, more so a recognition of the contributions I have made and how they're entirely disproportionate to what is fair.

In our mediation session she maintains that she has contributed a greater amount than I have, in fact she maintains that she has contributed thousands and thousands more than I have. If this were true it would mean the cost of raising our child to the age of 6 has cost €90,000+ excluding creche fees, which anyone reading this knows is absolutely ridiculous.

Our daughter is no longer in creche now, but the fees are still a point of contention in that she's saying that I only paid my half, because hers were paid for by the college. Again I'm not expecting her to repay me any of it, I just want her to acknowledge that she did in fact take me for a mug and a cash cow and so that we can move on with things. With the creche fees being such a big chunk of what I have contributed (21k out of around 50k), unfortunately it's a big point of contention with her maintaining that I only paid my half anyway rather than covered both our costs.