Toddler regularly bitten in creche

calgary bound

Hello,

I am looking for some advice as to what to do regarding my 2 year old little boy. He has been in his crèche for over a year but for the last 5 months there has been an increased number of biting incidents directed at him. Yesterday he was bitten for the 7th time since May but the crèche didn’t see it happen and I only noticed the big bite when I was getting him ready for bed. It is a very big mark and it must have been a considerable bite as he was wearing 3 layers of clothes.

I spoke to the crèche manager who has assured me they will investigate why it wasn’t spotted etc. but the biting problem is still there. I am 6 months pregnant and wondering would it seem unreasonable to take him out when I go on maternity leave and mind him myself and find an alternative solution when I return to work? Lately he has screamed every morning going in, I thought it was just toddler behaviour but now I am wondering if he is not happy there. I have concerns regarding the supervision if they can’t spot a child being bitten and he must have screamed afterword’s I am sure.

Appreciate any advice other parents may have, thanks.

catrionanic

I will preface this post by saying I've never had my son in creche so have limited experience of this, but just reading your post made feel sad. I would be so upset to see my little boy being hurt on a regular basis. Once or twice is understandable, but surely it is not normal to be being bitten with this frequency? Do you know if it's just one child who is doing the biting, and if other kids are being bitten too?

This should definitely be taken seriously by the creche if it isn't already. Biting is unfortunately a fairly normal phase for young children to go through, but it sounds like your son is really suffering here.

I would trust your mother's instinct on this one. If he's consistently upset going in, and you're not happy with how the creche are handling the issue, then do what you feel is right and find alternative childcare. You know your little boy better than anybody else.

Neyite

At that age group, kids do bite and others will get bitten. The key decider for me though was how the creche handled it whenever my son got bitten.



Firstly, they noticed every time - how can you not notice, surely the child would be roaring his head off?? It was recorded in an incident /injury book detailing what happened, when it happened, who was on duty, what action they took (creams etc) and what plan for prevention they intended (talking to the perpetrator & parents)


My son got bitten by the same child three times. The last time he actually told us who did it so we knew who it was and incidentally she's a dote of a child now.


Anyway, I'd be unimpressed that they didn't even notice such a bite so if taking him out for maternity leave is an option the I would and shop around for a better creche who will notice a toddler bawling and find out why.

Digs

I’d agree with Neyite there, I have no experiences of crèches but can’t fathom how it would get past them, so for me it would be down to how the crèche handles it. How have they been in the past? Are there any other concerns that you have? Is this a once off they are taking seriously and ensuring the management of won’t happen again?

Do bare in mind late pregnancy/newborn and minding a toddler full time is really tough going so while it may seem like an ideal time to take him out just bare in mind it will be hard on you. It’s also a lot of upheaval of his routine happening at the same time with the new baby etc which he may find overwhelming. Although I can completely commiserate, if mine were upset going in somewhere (assuming it’s all connected and not as you say a phase) it would kill me to send them and I’d imagine I wouldn’t. Hopefully it can be sorted with the crèche but if your gut is telling you something is wrong take him out and find somewhere you’re happier with, it’s not unreasonable at all.

jester77

How long is he in the creche? After a while the kids just deal with it and move on.

The same happens to my 2 year old, there is one particular biter in her creche and she is constantly biting, my daughter must get bitten at least once a week by her. She had a big one in the shoulder yesterday and her fingers the day before. She just deals with it now and knows to hit back. Not the ideal solution but it seems to be the only thing that works from the perspective that she is longer too upset over it. The children that bite are very opportunist and it is difficult to catch them in the act even though they are constantly monitored.

She got one viscous bite last year on her cheek from another child that has since left the creche and it took over 6 months to disappear. Everyone was shocked by the viciousness of it and there was extra monitoring put on this particular child.

My daughter was badly shaken by it and it took her a few weeks before she was ok with going to the creche. It's very difficult because you drop them off and you want to tell them that everything will be ok, but you can't really After that incident we started teaching her how to react to other children when they bite her, so she can defend herself better now. Unfortunately there is not a lot you can really do.

shesty

Not a creche user here either, but while I appreciate that kids bite, 7 times is too many for me, and should be noticed.It's what you pay them for.I'd also be interested in knowing if its the same child each time.
I kept my first part time at home when my second was born and full time when no.2 was about 12 weeks.It was tough, but at 21 months, she needed to be at home with a routine and me really, as it seemed to suit her better, with a new arrival.If I were you I'd consider it once you have recovered from the birth a bit, maybe even reuce his time there weekly?I wouldn't like to think my child was going in to be bitten regularly, to be honest.

Flippyfloppy

I do think that kids can bite very quickly therefore it’s very hard to stop the action unless you’re in arms reach, but how can they not notice afterwards when your son is most definitely upset? He’d definitely be crying. And how can it happen 7 times? That is not on at all. I don’t think you’re suggestion is unreasonable at all, it’s perfectly reasonable.

lazygal

Ask for a copy of the behaviour management policy and all accident reports. Then ask to sit down with the manager to go through all of them so you can develop a plan, in writing, for how this is going to be resolved.

threescompany

Sorry to hear about your little boy being bitten like that, it’s stressful for you I’m sure.
No experience of crèches either & personally not a big fan of them but just my opinion.
I think taking your child out for maternity leave is a fabulous idea. Of course it’s hard work but very rewarding and I think the toddler enjoys be home with their newborn sibling and doesn’t feel excluded. You’ll still bond with your newborn perfectly & get loads of time with your boy and give him the opportunity to bond too.
I’ve minded my kids and two others so plenty of experience with young toddlers. Totally unacceptable- even more than one bite is unacceptable. They should be monitoring the child that’s biting & be able to prevent the bite from taking place.
I would seriously question the care they are giving your son

PinkChick

Kids will be bitten in creche, there are kids who are just biters. Like previous posts have said, it's the way the creche handles it that's important. I would expect it to be noticed every time and reported to you, at 2 there is no way a bite should go unnoticed. My daughter is 3 and has been bitten a good few times, nothing too serious thankfully. It's always the same two children (one of whom I know was kicked out of another creche for biting). In the majority of cases I have been told. I have noticed as she's gotten older, she's told me a couple of times and has the marks to back her up. Each of those times I have gotten on to the creche, no matter how mild it is. I've been told a few times "She said she was bitten but wasn't" which I don't buy knowing her, but if there is no mark it could have been very minor and I'm ok with that, in a kids will be kids sort of way. These kids are her friends, she's playing with them five minutes later. So as long as I'm being told and they're being reprimanded for it, and as long as they are minor bites, I'm ok with it. But finding a large bite mark on a two year old would make alarm bells ring for me.

Re taking him out of creche, I really struggled with that choice. In the end I left her in for mornings while I was on maternity leave. My main reason was that she is very shy and struggles with new situations. I felt expecting her to go to childcare from scratch at 3 (when I was returning to work) was a big ask. I thought it might be a bigger upheaval in the long run and worried that after being home with me full time, the jump would just be too much for her. Honestly some days felt like sh*t sending her in but she loves it and the routine is good for her. I really enjoyed my afternoons with her and kept her out a few days a month too. It also gave me time with my son, which I had worried he'd miss out on as the second child. So all round I felt I had the best of both worlds, but skipped up at 2 each day to collect her!

calgary bound

Thanks everyone for your replies – I read them all but couldn’t remember my saved password until I came back to work today after some time off.

I really feel the issue is how the crèche have dealt with this last bite and I don’t know if I can let it go. Almost 2 weeks later, there is still a mark on his arm so that’s how bad a bite it was. In the last week, there has been a change of tone in his daily book, calling my fella “rough” and saying he was biting his own hand (he’s teething and has always done this when frustrated with pain but it’s never been commented on before). Then one day there was a comment saying “X (my son) was nice to his friends today” – I would have assumed he always was unless told different. I am wondering if the crèche owner has told the girls who mind him (usually 2 or 3 over the course of a full day) to change what they are saying about him but I could be just paranoid!

The Monday after the biting incident, I got a note home saying that the fees for his 3 days per week went up €10 per week back in August but the crèche owner forgot to tell us and we owed €50 in arrears. I was really surprised that this hadn’t been mentioned previously as each week since the fee increase date, I have been sending in an envelope with the same cash as always and it was never commented on. This might be what makes me definitely take him out! I have asked the owner twice since for the fees policy and new fee list but haven’t received it. It all sounds very strange to me!

lazygal

After all that I think the trust would be well gone. I'd look for an alternative ASAP.

shesty

Do all creches write things like two year olds were nice to their friends??Coz to me, they're 2!!!They haven't a clue about being nice or anything-in fact sometimes they have to be not nice to learn what's ok behaviour and what's not, and it's all developmental.I don't know OP, I'd be a bit iffy after all of that.

Digs

Totally agree with the others. That comment about him being nice is very passive agressive and quite frankly a bizarre thing to say about a toddler, he's a toddler for god sake!!! Your gut is probably right with this one.

Anne_cordelia

Also I wouldn’t pay the ‘arrears’. They aren’t arrears as you weren’t told the fees were going up so no way would I swallow that now.

lazygal

Anne_cordelia wrote: »

Also I wouldn’t pay the ‘arrears’. They aren’t arrears as you weren’t told the fees were going up so no way would I swallow that now.

Yep. I wouldn't give them a penny more than what you were already paying. Were these "arrears" stated in writing?

PinkChick

Re the fees, that sounds very dodgy. The whole setup does, it sounds like they're annoyed with you and finding ways to get at you which for a creche, is just unacceptable. Would you know other parents, can you find out if they've been asked to back pay fee increases.

calgary bound

Thanks everyone for your comments, which are reassuring me that I would be doing the right thing by taking my son out of the crèche. I feel like they are annoyed with me for raising the issue regarding the bites (and especially the last one).

I was sick last week so my husband dropped in our son with the envelope of cash as usual on Monday and the envelope with the cash was returned that evening saying I owed more money and a handwritten note on the envelope saying the fees had increased from €108 to €118 per week for 3 days after the Affordable Childcare Subsidy of €12 per week. That was the only notification I got. It seems an odd increase - €3.33 per day?!

When I text the owner querying it, she said she forgot to tell me last month! My son had the last biting incident just the previous week and it’s the only one I got annoyed about as it wasn’t picked up by them so the timing is coincidental to say the least. When I told her I wasn’t happy about paying arrears that I wasn’t notified about, she said I had to pay it and it was due to insurance and staff costs. She then agreed that she would cover the arrears from August (€20) so I had to put in an extra €30 into the envelope to send my son in the following day. I had bad gastroenteritis and I am nearly 7 months pregnant so I really needed him minded that day. The following day the funny comments in his book started to appear. I asked her then for the fees policy and fee schedule and got nothing back.

Does anyone know how much notice I would have to give to take him out? We pay cash weekly. I also need to find out how to cancel his Affordable Childcare Subsidy so she doesn’t still claim it after he leaves. I am due to go on maternity leave in early December and my Mum minds him 2 days a week as it is and has offered to do it full time for a while before I go on mat leave as he’s her only grandchild and she’s very upset over this too.

GreeBo

Regarding the creche not noticing the bite...while they might have noticed him crying (youd hope the would!) if they didnt actually see the bite they dont know whats wrong with him so cant tell you that he was bitten, unless they strip off his 3 layers of clothes to check him all over?

lazygal

If you pay weekly I would give one week's notice. You owe them nothing, they're happy to change the terms at short notice without written confirmation.