First anniversary, how did you cope?

Casualcontrol1

It’s my mums first anniversary this weekend and I don’t know how to cope. I am upset and thinking a lot of what happened last year at the time of death. I had a long term bf at the time also who has since left me but said he plans on being there Sunday. None of my other friends are there on Sunday and I’m scared of being alone that night after it all but no one else is around. I also have a wedding on the Saturday before but feel guilty about going and staying over as it’s so close to the day. I’m due in work tomorrow but don’t know if I should take time off either. I’m so hurt and confused and feel very alone. Has anyone any advice,

kerash

Casualcontrol1 wrote: »

It’s my mums first anniversary this weekend and I don’t know how to cope. I am upset and thinking a lot of what happened last year at the time of death. I had a long term bf at the time also who has since left me but said he plans on being there Sunday. None of my other friends are there on Sunday and I’m scared of being alone that night after it all but no one else is around. I also have a wedding on the Saturday before but feel guilty about going and staying over as it’s so close to the day. I’m due in work tomorrow but don’t know if I should take time off either. I’m so hurt and confused and feel very alone. Has anyone any advice,

Be kind to yourself, you will be in a bubble of all those feelings at such a significant time. You could try making a plan of what you will do that day, particularly for nighttime is there someone you can ask to stay with you? Or what soothes you when you are alone. Even if you are alone acknowledge the sadness & cry if those feeling are present but also think of the good times. Do some of the things you really enjoy and maybe something for your mum that she would have liked.
Sometimes events are too much but they can also be great distractions so don’t feel guilty about going. All those small moments of pleasure are there for you to get you through the dark times so grab them when you can.

finjoe

Hi, I hope you got over yesterday and the anniversary, the first can be hard as generally a bit turnout of family occurs and such gatherings are sad for the obvious reasons. Your relationship broke down too in the last year, that is equally hard, good to hear he will be there Sunday to support you, like the other poster, you may just have to accept Sunday night that you may be alone, if you needed it to grieve further, so be it..it was meant to be, I would say after a year, you do "move on" from the death loss, you think you wont but you will, life will take over gradually, for the first year you are counting the days/weeks/months, that ceases after about a year. Keep your head up and carry on, that's what your mother would want of you, stay active as you can and don't isolate yourself and you will be ok. I hope you are today.

Lucuma

It gets easier, the first one is awful.
But you'll never have to go through another first anniversary again. It's over and done with now. Onwards and upwards x