Asking someone out

LegacyUser

hey all. So i used to work in the same place as a girl that i always fancied and have left the company about 5 months now. I spoke to her a good few times for work purposes and one work night out we had about a year ago, we were chatting for a good while and people actually commented that they thought we'd hook up. Didn't happen though as she went off to a different bar when the group split up. Hadn't really spoken to her since apart from a few corridor hellos.
Anyway I know her email address - how weird/creepy would it be to send her a mail and ask her for a drink? I'm pretty sure she's single but she may never have thought anything about me.
We're both in our 30s if that matters, well maybe it does matter because I'm finding it harder to meet women outside of dating apps these days.
So yeah I've never done anything like this before and I don't want to freak her out or anything. Anyone else ever done similar?
I know being creepy etc. depends on how good looking you are - I guess I've been told throughout my life I'm good looking but I've never allowed myself to believe it, and am not socially awkward and never had a problem getting women I am probably just too fussy now and that's why I'm single not far off 40, although I do like being single.
So should I send it? I guess I'll probably never see her again even if she rejects...

Newbie54321

I would say go for it, just mind how you word the email. If you're not going to see her again anyway then go for it or you'll always be wondering what-if!
If it were me I would probably start by sending a mail saying you were scrolling through your emails and found her address and just send a hey, how are things etc..
if she doesn't respond to that then the interest wasn't there anyway.
Firstly make sure she is still single if you can and then send it, keep it short and sweet x

qwerty13

Depends on how you got her email address. If she has given it to you in the past, then go for it. If you got it from something / someone in work, then I’d be less sure about going for it

leggo

Social media or text would be a more conventional and acceptable way of doing this. Can you add her on some form of social media if possible since, I'm presuming, you don't have her number?

I definitely wouldn't send a big long email declaring your love. There's not much to this: get into a chat and have a quick catch-up (again social media is so much more normal than email to do this on if possible but use whatever you've got), ideally flirt a little or talk how you normally would that led you to believe it's worth a shot asking her out, see if it's reciprocated, then lay it out there and ask her out casually. Don't bottle it and be like "...for a catch-up!" Ask her out, make it clear it's a date if you need to (with my current, for example, after I asked her out for a drink she said "It'll be good to catch-up" and I said "No, I'm clearly asking you out on a date like!" to avoid ambiguity and she really liked it) and see what she says. As stated, you've got nothing to lose.

And being creepy doesn't depend on how you look, by the way. Being creepy is consistent unwanted attention, that's it. If you're worried about coming across that way...well I could go into it for hours, but for brevity's sake just don't make any suggestive comments etc that you're not sure would've been well-received in the past. In other words, read the room. So if she gets back to you with a two-word response, don't bombard her with loads of replies. If she gets back open and glad to hear from you with loads to say, she wants to talk to you, and so on.

Bayveen

I would find it a bit creepy to be honest if she wasn't the one to give you her email. If that is how you got her email, absolutely give it a shot as you have nothing to lose. If it was given to you by someone else, do not do it.

milli milli

OP, as a woman I’ve had guys contact me through email/FB/instagram to get in touch. I usually know or would have met the guys previously. I find it hugely flattering even if the feelings aren’t mutual. But when the feelings are, it can be the start of something.
Thankfully I’ve not had too many weirdos contact me and I usually can nip any weird behavior in the bud.
I would definitely contact her but go the casual way that another poster mentioned just to suss things out.
You have nothing to lose.
Best of luck!

gwalk

I'd say go for it, whats the harm? if you have her on social media maybe do it through there rather than by an email?

I was the same with a former co-worker, everyone thought there was something going on.. around February when i was planning to move back home we got chatting again and asked her on a date, happily in a relationship now 6 months later.

di11on

Ah, one person's creepy is another's bravado. It's all subjective... mostly upon the outcome. If she doesn't want to go out with you it will be creepy... if she does, it will be bold...

So... there's only one way to find out if it's creepy or not. And actually, if it is creepy... who actually cares?

LegacyUser

Hi all thanks for the replies so far. Yeah I don't use social media I presume you mean Facebook so that's not a runner. Also, email formats are the same for everyone in the organisation so that's how I know her email address. We would have emailed professionally a few times anyway.
I guess there was just minimal contact with her overall so that's why I'm anxious to send anything, and I doubt she's ever thought of me much. I guess if someone who I thought was attractive asked me out I wouldn't say no, hence I'm thinking why the hell not. Whether she thinks I'm attractive or not who knows, only one way to find out I suppose. I mean I'm not a creepy guy, I never have been, I'm very aware of boundaries and overstepping the line, I guess that's why I'm worried this might be a bit much because I usually wouldn't want to put anyone in an awkward position, ever.
Anyway yeah, still on the fence here, there's a work night out on Friday with the old job that I've been invited to, just for my old section though so no reason for her to be there unfortunately.
Maybe I'll just down 6 pints and fling off a mail later on...

gwalk

Using her professional work email to ask her out is inappropriate though, would be frowned upon

di11on

creepytime wrote: »

...
Maybe I'll just down 6 pints and fling off a mail later on...

Seriously? Maybe one to get the words flowing... but not after 6 :-)

LegacyUser

gwalk wrote: »

Using her professional work email to ask her out is inappropriate though, would be frowned upon

Ok, I guess that's that then. Thanks for the help folks.

otnomart

As you don't have Facebook, you can contact her on Linkedin.
She is likely to have her Linkedin account connected to her personal email address.
As milli milli wrote, I would also find flattering if someone contacted me.

Porklife

Op,

I really think you should go for it! A guy I like contacted me through email recently and I was delighted. We knew each other years ago but he moved to London. His first email was just casual then he built up to asking me out. Even if I didn't fancy him, I wouldn't have found it creepy. You're not a creep so if she thought that she's wrong and not for you anyway!
As someone else previously suggested, I'd start by sending a casual hey, how are you type mail. Thats not inappropriate to her work email. If she's interested she'll reply then ask could you have her number or non work contact.
Go for it Op, nothing ventured nothing gained. If you don't ask the answer is already no!
Enough clichéd sayings:) just do it! (Nike )