Got drunk and made a pass at work colleague

LegacyUser

So I got very drunk at a work night out on Friday and as the night was coming to an end, I somehow thought it would be a good idea to make a pass at a work colleague. I'm not exactly sure what I said (which is never a good thing), but I think it was along the lines of "would you like to come back to my place". She declined, of course, and now thinking back on it I feel very very stupid. I don't even know if she saw it as me making a pass as it was completely out of the blue.

She works on the same floor as me, but in a slightly different section. Up until that night I had zero interest in her, and I figure she had zero interest in me. Even now I have no idea why I said it.

So what I'm hoping is that what I said wasn't construed as a come on, and that I was merely offering her a couch to sleep on as she had a long way to travel (which is actually true). There was nothing leading up to that point that would suggest I was interested in that way. So my plan is, in order to save some embarrassment, is to address the incident face on and say (perhaps in front of others) "you should have taken me up on that offer of the couch, would have saved us both some taxi money".

I know this comes across as somewhat immature, but if I don't try to recover from this situation I think I'll die from embarrassment. Do you think I've any chance of pulling this off as a misunderstanding? I feel if I actually own up to it, it would be 100 times worse, especially if she didn't think of it as a come on in the first place!

By the way, I do realise I need to take a good hard look at myself and how I let myself drink so much. It's very very rare that I would drink to excess and have learned a very good lesson.

Big Bag of Chips

Personally I would just not mention it. Carry on in work as you normally would with her. You didn't exactly make a pass at her and I'd hazard a guess she's not thinking about it tonight!

zapper55

Do not refer to it in front of others and definitely do not make that silly comment about the couch. You'd be turning a drunken moment into a creepy conversation.

Either pretend it didn't happen or say to her privately that you were quite drunk Friday, things are a bit hazy and you hope you didn't offend her. And don't mention it again.

facehugger99

whydoidothis wrote: »

So my plan is, in order to save some embarrassment, is to address the incident face on and say (perhaps in front of others) "you should have taken me up on that offer of the couch, would have saved us both some taxi money".

Jesus - don't do this.

Xterminator

Hi Op

dont dig the hole even deeper. you would be best advised to not mention it, unless she brings it up 1st.

leggo

Your plan is the worst possible solution and will only make things more cringey. If you can email her or message her on social media, send her an apology saying you were drunk and don’t know what came over you Friday, it was totally out of character and you’re mortified now. People can identify and sympathise with that.

If you pretend that’s not what it was, it’ll come across as insulting (both her intelligence and as if you’re saying “Well I’m not into you anyway” when she’s never asked for any of this).

Keyman123

I don’t think I’d be emailing her. Depending on what type of person she is it could be all over the office. Proof. Bit of luck she may have drank too much. This time next month it will have been forgotten.

Faith

zapper55 wrote: »

Do not refer to it in front of others and definitely do not make that silly comment about the couch. You'd be turning a drunken moment into a creepy conversation.

Either pretend it didn't happen or say to her privately that you were quite drunk Friday, things are a bit hazy and you hope you didn't offend her. And don't mention it again.

Totally agree with this. You can address it indirectly, if you need to, as suggested above. You could say something casual like “I’m in the horrors after Friday night. I drank way more than I should have and I’m paying for it now! That’s me off the booze for a bit. I’m really sorry if I said or did anything inappropriate.” You could potentially say that in a group if you were more comfortable that way.

Definitely, definitely don’t say anything like your couch comment in front of other people.

Wheety

Just do what man has been doing since the invention of alcohol and try to pretend it never happened. If she mentions something, just apologise for being so drunk.

leggo

Keyman123 wrote: »

I don’t think I’d be emailing her. Depending on what type of person she is it could be all over the office. Proof. Bit of luck she may have drank too much. This time next month it will have been forgotten.

The alternative is it getting around the office that he's the office creep, making passes at co-workers at the weekend then not even blinking about it on Monday morning. If it's spread that he got drunk one time, made a stupid comment and was embarrassed about it then people will laugh but most empathise that stuff can happen and when it's worn off at least he had the balls and respect to apologise. If he acts like this is normal, it could be assumed that it is and that's way worse.

Either way he can't control whether it's spread or not now, all he can attempt to do is try and manage how people discuss it, if it is, based on his reaction to it.

As for acknowledgement being 'proof', you're speaking as if he sexually harassed her or did something wrong and has to cover his tracks. OP you didn't. Men are allowed like women, it's literally why all of us are here today.

.......

Do NOT make the couch comment.

Agree with others here, tell her or message her that you had too much, sorry if you were inappropriate and then just move on.

wylo

OP seriously, its grand, just leave it. In fact I would say you worrying about it is more the post-alcohol mild 2 day fear talking , id say even by today you may have lost interest or gotten over it.

And as others have said, your solution would be a car crash situation. Please dont.

It would be different if you were sober, but you were drunk, people sometimes do that kind of stuff drunk.

Wabbit Ears

never speak of it again. Its a horrible cliche but what happens on a drunk work night out stays on a drunk work night out.

Mr. Incognito

People say stupid things drunk

You will get a pass

Dont say something stupid sober to make it worse

You wont get a pass for that.

SozBbz

leggo wrote: »

If you can email her or message her on social media, send her an apology saying you were drunk and don’t know what came over you Friday, it was totally out of character and you’re mortified now. People can identify and sympathise with that.

I'd have to disagree wtih this, purely because i dont think you should put any of this in writing. The sentiment is corrent if you feel you absolutely have to address it, but I'd chat to her casually at the coffee dock or similar, I would not be making a record of this.

leggo wrote: »

If you pretend that’s not what it was, it’ll come across as insulting (both her intelligence and as if you’re saying “Well I’m not into you anyway” when she’s never asked for any of this).

This I completely agree with, don't make a bad situation worse. She did nothing to cause this and doesnt deserve further awkwardness because you're clumsily trying to make yourself feel better.

It happened, learn from it and move on. Don't compound the awkwardness. Best to say nothing - she probably isnt obsessing about it anyway and will put it down to drunk talk.

SozBbz

leggo wrote: »

The alternative is it getting around the office that he's the office creep, making passes at co-workers at the weekend then not even blinking about it on Monday morning. If it's spread that he got drunk one time, made a stupid comment and was embarrassed about it then people will laugh but most empathise that stuff can happen and when it's worn off at least he had the balls and respect to apologise. If he acts like this is normal, it could be assumed that it is and that's way worse.

Either way he can't control whether it's spread or not now, all he can attempt to do is try and manage how people discuss it, if it is, based on his reaction to it.

As for acknowledgement being 'proof', you're speaking as if he sexually harassed her or did something wrong and has to cover his tracks. OP you didn't. Men are allowed like women, it's literally why all of us are here today.

I don't agree that theres any risk of him being labled the office creep for asking one girl, one time. If he'd been going around asking multiple women, then sure, but hitting on one person doesnt a creep make. He might have gone down in this one girls estimation, but I don't think theres anything here beyond that.

I think he'd be very poorly advised to put anything in writing given that his is a work scenario. Many companies have policies about office "fraternisation" and he has basically asked a colleague for sex, albeit in a round about way. He could get a warning over something like that, especially if its written down HR have to take it seriously should she decide to complain. If he thinks he's embarrassed now, I'm pretty sure he'd combust if he had to talk to HR about this.

I've been in that situation myself (plenty of times, I work in a male dominated industry) and personally I'd just want it forgotten. Unless its persistent behaviour, myself and my female colleagues would typically brush off things like this.