Freaky-fest 'blast from the past'

LegacyUser

Not the biggest problem in the world by a long shot, but any ideas on what to do, would be great.

Today I get a call from an unknown number, I answered it and it was a blast from the past psycho that I blocked on all forms of social media and telephones years ago! He was a mate, nothing romantic or anything. I just pretended I couldn't hear him and hung up :pac: Anyhow he has rang back 10 times!!! He left a message to say he was just catching up and he'll call again later. All sounds fairly amicable, but this is a guy that you do not want in your life. 14 phone calls when someone has hung up on you and isn't answering is a huge red flag that he hasn't changed. Why not just leave a number where I can call back if I want? That's what a normal person would do.

When we were friends, he behaved atrociously towards me and he doesn't even deserve a 'thanks but no thanks' short answer. Even if I did this, he's so good at playing the victim, that I would just end up feeling sh*t and all I want to do is get on with my day!

I'm also actually annoyed he had the audacity to think he could just call me out of the blue after pulling some of the sneaky stunts he pulled on me and think I'd be delighted to hear from him! How up your own self can you be? The only thing is, I'm so afraid he'll go round the houses until he gets a response. He has done this before. He has faked suicide attempts, faked accidental injuries, lied about so many things.

I could be reading too much into it, but I just want him to go away. A normal person you can ignore, this person just gets more and more in your face until you have to face them. Part of me wonders if he has changed, is it good to catch up? But you give this person the benefit of the doubt and god only knows what he'll do with it.

Has anyone been in this position and what have they done? I could deactivate voicemails for a while, but is that a bit drastic?

Sardonicat

No he hasn't changed. He called you 14 after you hung up and still didn't respond. He sounds desperate, like someone who has run out of all other options. I'm betting he needs to use you for something and has attempted to use several other people before he got to you.
I don't think deactivating voicemail is dramatic. Lock down your social media also. If you think one, short, firm response along the lines of " I do not want any contact with you. If you don't stop calling I'll make a complaint to the cops about you for harassment" then do that. No discussion. No explanation. No justification. If he's the kind who can become erratic and violent don't engage with him but do mention it to the guards if he doesn't stop. Good luck.

Neyite

is that a bit drastic?

No.

He's not changed. If he had changed you'd not be getting 14 phone calls! He's still the stalker he always was, just at a loose end for a victim.

It's not a good idea to reconnect or catch up. You are guaranteed to go through the same drama with him that happened before.

The next time he calls, answer it and clearly tell him you do NOT want him to ring you again and you want NO contact with him in any shape or form. And that if he continues to contact you, you will be contacting the Gardai.

Then block him on your phone and on social media.

woodchuck

It doesn't sound like he has changed at all OP.

Block him on every possible medium and block calls/texts from unknown/private numbers.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. I can't even answer the phone to tell him a firm no. I know what he's like. It will be 'Ah jees no need to be like that. I was only being friendly' and then I'll feel bad.

I thought blocking the private number would mean he can't ring, but he can still leave voicemails.

I would have hoped after 2 or 3 rejected calls he would have got the message, but clearly not! Why would he even ring? He is blocked on social media, so he can't get through anywhere as far as I can control. But there are ways around it...fake accounts or a random gmail account...but to ring for a catch up is just so bizarre!

We didn't even part ways on good terms!

spaceHopper

You still need to be able to answer blocked number, for example AIB often call from one. I would send him a text, saying simply that you wish him well but don't want to meetup with him as his past actions mean you don't wish to be friends or to have any contact. If he's in contact with other common friends expect some form of play for attention but you'll have to just ignore it.

goldenhoarde

Blast from the Past OP wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. I can't even answer the phone to tell him a firm no. I know what he's like. It will be 'Ah jees no need to be like that. I was only being friendly' and then I'll feel bad.

I thought blocking the private number would mean he can't ring, but he can still leave voicemails.

I would have hoped after 2 or 3 rejected calls he would have got the message, but clearly not! Why would he even ring? He is blocked on social media, so he can't get through anywhere as far as I can control. But there are ways around it...fake accounts or a random gmail account...but to ring for a catch up is just so bizarre!

We didn't even part ways on good terms!

One call answer and tell him you want no more contact then bye hang up.

Don't feel bad as you don't want him in your life so nothing to feel bad about.

Then make sure he is blocked on all platforms etc

Sardonicat

He's counting on you feeling bad. You're a nice person, that's why you're a target. He is not a nice person. Be firm. Be succint. Do not give an explanation as that is just an opportunity for him to guilt trip you.

"Stop contacting me. I do not want to hear from you again. If you continue to harrass me with calls or any other forms of unwelcome communication I will report you to the guards" Then you hang up. Do not give him a chance to speak. And deactivate your VM. He won't stop til you do.

If you continue to worry about being made to feel guilty you will be targeted again. Maybe not by this guy but some other parasite/weirdo/user. People like this guy couldn't give a sh1t about anyone's feelings. Respond in kind.

B0jangles

I wouldn't respond in any way at all to this person OP - they might well be spamming everyone they can think of to try to get a foothold in somewhere -by responding you're telling them to direct all their attention at you.

Keep perfectly quiet and they'll move on.

splinter65

Your a bit naturally curious as to 1. What he wants after all this time 2. Is he still as bad, or worse. 3. Maybe he is in terrible trouble and your his last resort?
If you respond at all you must then take full personal responsibility for having let him back into your life.
If you respond and he gets back in and messes things up for you then that’s your fault, not his.
You won’t be able to claim that he guilt tripped you or made you feel bad because you enabled him to do that.
So go ahead, respond to him. As long as you know that all the consequences will be your own fault.

jam_mac_jam

I think at this stage it would be no harm reporting it to the Garda anyway. You are worried that he is going to turn up at your house.
I would try and block him in anyway you can and ignore all further contact.

LegacyUser

Thanks...I like the advice where I can just ignore him and I don't have to text to tell him to f off.



To Splinter 65...Sorry, no. NONE of this is my fault. NONE of it. He is blocked everywhere. He had his call rejected umpteen times yesterday, but that Still didn't stop him. I listened to the voicemail, not out of curiosity, but to judge what his game was.

If I was in anyway concerned about him or curious about what he wanted I would have answered the phone after call 8, after he persisted. I couldn't care less about him.

Even if i answered a call, no matter what I do, his actions or drama for further attention is entirely his choice. I'm not taking the hit for the actions of a nutbag.

woodchuck

I wouldn't open any lines of communication with him, even if it's just to tell him to F-off. No offense, but you sound like a soft touch, so talking to him at all will probably just encourage him.

You need to cut him off completely so hopefully he'll get the message. Deactivate your voicemail. You can always reactivate it again down the line, but for the moment it's a way for him to try and contact you that you need to cut off.

Also, keep a log of all attempted contact in case you end up having to go to the guards.

Sardonicat

While I don't recommend any communication with him generally it can be useful if involving the guards to let them know you have made it clear to the individual that contact is unwanted.

LegacyUser

I think I've turned off the voice mail. I'm not sure...but we'll find out!

LegacyUser

Gah! He's still getting through to my voicemail! I disabled it, took of my greeting, turned off call catcher...but he still go through.

But...it sounds as if he may have taken the hint. Just a final take care...see ya message. I think that should be it.

Thanks for taking the time to tolerate my freak out. Very much appreciated folks xx

orthsquel

Blast from the Past OP wrote: »

I can't even answer the phone to tell him a firm no. I know what he's like. It will be 'Ah jees no need to be like that. I was only being friendly' and then I'll feel bad.

you're entitled to live your life harassment free. Has he still been ringing today/this evening?

If you feel that you can't answer the phone and tell him firmly to stop calling, is there someone else who knows this person and what happened and can tell them to stop calling? It would be pretty much answer the phone, tell to stop calling or will make a complaint to Gardai and then hang up. It wouldn't be wise to engage him whatsoever, so that you don't let the opportunity to develop for talking things out about the past or letting them back into your life, or feeling the pressure to engage him.

Have you changed your number in the past, and if so, how did he get your number? Maybe you have to change your number to get him to stop - talk perhaps to your provider.

Are you worried about them turning up on your doorstep/work? It would be probably no harm to log the times of day and log any voicemails and write out the voicemails left by him and have a chat with a Garda if it escalates further and if you can or have any grounds to make a complaint of harassment.

lunamoon

Can you change your number?