Marriage separation advice

Wham

My husband and I are separating after 16 years together, it’s a horrible situation and it is down to actions on his part which I cannot forgive. I am finding it all very difficult, it’s hard to switch feelings off although I know it’s the right thing long term, we have 1 child and my ex is being very supportive there. We are just working through practicalities and logistics around parenting, he has moved out and I plan to stay in our home and take over all bills etc. can anyone offer any advice on managing things at this stage? Any words of wisdom or pitfalls to watch out for? I am finding it very tough at times so any and all advice is appreciated. Thanks in advance...

Verity.

Mediation is a good way to get all the nitty gritty sorted out, if you are having any trouble agreeing on things. Everything from financial matters to access with your child etc.

Two things I'd advise you is to get counselling for yourself, if you're struggling to deal with the emotional side of things. It's easy to just flick into practical mode, but you do need to process what had happened to you. You'll go through an arrange of emotions, it's not easy to do alone. Of course family and friends can be a great support, but having an outsider perspective or someone uninvolved may be helpful too.

Secondly, but equally as importantly, your child. You don't mention an age group, but children can be very perceptive. Speak to your ex about how the new arrangement will effect the child and how to be supportive and reassuring. While it's true to say that children can and do adapt to new situations, it is important that they understand the breakup isn't their fault and that it changes nothing about how their mum and dad feels about them. Try not to get into finger pointing or blame gaming, as it's not fair to the child. There shouldn't be sides when it comes to parenting, even if one or the other is to blame for the demise of the marriage.

I'm sorry this has happened to you, and I can appreciate how hard it is to start over again. I'm remarried myself, and know it's not an easy road when you've been with someone such a long time. Even though everything is in disarray at the moment, things will get better.

vintagecosmos

I you are certain you won't reconcile I would start seeking advice on the legal process. I know people who waited and then people moved countries which made it very difficult to get things done. Things might seem amicable now but get everything in writing.