What to do

Cindyss

Hi all, after 25 years my marriage has ended. Long story but my wife wanted to move cities, the issue was hers to be honest, she will never be happy and gave me an ultimatum. I said no, which I think shocked her. That is more or less it apart from most people would have said we were an ideal couple. I am very sad, 7 weeks later getting on with things.
The issue is that i got her a job in my company on Jan, 1year contract but will probably be extended. Now she says she is not moving still in the house and work 100 feet away. I want to buy her out of the house I have e a daughter still living at home who thinks I deserve someone who loves me for me. It is so hard seeing her here and at work, I think she is scared sh****less about her future.
My therapist says that she is chasing the geographical cure, ie it will be ok when she moves.
I have got onto a solicitor who told me to write her a letter asking g for mediation, if that's not answered I will have to instigate legal proceedings however that will take ages.
Has anyone been in this situation before, it is so hard to try to heal.

Esel

Who pulled the plug - you or your wife?

Cindyss

Esel wrote: »

Who pulled the plug - you or your wife?

I said that I was not leaving our home, that I lived her totally but she said that she had to go. At the time she said she had to find herself and blamed me on keeping her where we live 1.5 hours away from her home, don't want to say the city to protect Identity. She said all the usual things she might regret this fit the rest of her life etc.
To be honest I am a very good husband, our two kids, adults whilst loving there mam support me.

She agreed to go to mediation firstly but I think the realisation of the financial implications for her has scared her.

Whilst I still love her I am almost fully sure I don't want to be with her as she has a want, and will never be happy. Thanks for reading.

Peanut2011

OP, from my dealings with an ex and having the house together, minus being married, the legal profession was not much help.

It dragged and dragged but at the end we still had to agree the settlement between us.

Long story short, my ex got vindictive as I moved on and she did not and reneged on original deal. After months of back and forth I basically had to accept her new terms in order to speed this up.

As long as she still wants to move and is willing to agree to the buy out, you should be able to sort it out fairly quickly.

Cindyss

Peanut2011 wrote: »

OP, from my dealings with an ex and having the house together, minus being married, the legal profession was not much help.

It dragged and dragged but at the end we still had to agree the settlement between us.

Long story short, my ex got vindictive as I moved on and she did not and reneged on original deal. After months of back and forth I basically had to accept her new terms in order to speed this up.

As long as she still wants to move and is willing to agree to the buy out, you should be able to sort it out fairly quickly.

That is what I was dreading. From the looks of it, not that I know as we are not talking, she has now done her maths and sees she cannot move on her own. I think she will try to punish/drag out the process as she is scared.
My solicitor has advised I send a letter asking for mediation followed by a solicitor s letter stating the same. After that it is the legal system which could take years.
It's very unfortunate as I think this will delay our healing process hugely.
I am in a position to buy her out and want the house she is not, after stating she hates the place it seems ok for her for now.
We are two decent people but need to be apart now.